I'm not interested in dating or being your friend. Thanks and goodbye.
October 22, 2013 6:16 AM Subscribe
How do I tell somebody I recently met that I'm not interested romantically or even as a friend? The problem is that I'm not exactly sure whether she is looking for just a friend or something more?
posted by Che boludo! to human relations (24 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
A month ago I met a woman from Spain at an expat meetup group. About 10 days ago she contacted me through the group's social media website about looking for somebody to sublet her apartment to and I'm in the market. I gave her my phone number and got a text from her that she would like to "chat". I thought "chat" was a strange way to refer to having a call about renting an apartment and I wondered if she wanted to talk business or literally "chat".
The next day after work I give her a call to tell her that I wasn't quite ready to get a new place and it turned out she really wanted to "chat". I'm never great at small talk and as we only spoke once in person for about 15 minutes I had nothing to talk. I excused myself because I had to meet somebody for dinner. She told me to call her after dinner and I didn't.
The next day I did invite her to a Spanish speaker happy hour. Not as a date. We always could use more native speakers and she seemed nice enough. She showed up and almost immediately wanted to leave to go to dinner. I wanted to stay and talk with my friends. We stuck around a while and I invited a few friends to eat because I was starting to pick up a vibe that she may think we are on a date and I left early because I didn't feel well that evening.
The next day I start receiving texts or Facebook messages daily. She calls and leaves me voice mails asking "How my day is going, how has my week been?" I've always heard that Spanish girls were upfront and aggressive. The amount of contact is too much for me, but I try to be polite and answer occasionally with short texts. She invites me to a movie but I'm honestly busy that night so she asks for me to go the following night. I still can't then because I have family in town.
She goes on vacation and continues the contact daily including a text asking, "When can I see you again?" I didn't respond. When she gets back she again asks if I want to see a movie. This was two days ago and I haven't responded. I kind of feel like a jerk for not doing so.
I am not attracted to her and really find the all of this contact uncomfortable. I'm not 100% sure if she's looking for a date or a new friend. Either way, the contact is still too much for me. (I feel a little P.S.Y.C.H.O. potential here as well). So how do I tell her I'm not really interested either way? Do I tell her this? At this point, maybe it's best to continue not responding even though I feel bad about it? (I will probably see her again at expat happy hour).