High school sweethearts turned college breakup
October 20, 2013 2:29 AM Subscribe
Is it possible to love someone and want to "explore your options" at the same time?
posted by xxxsweetambitionxxx to human relations (10 answers total)
I dated somebody almost all through high school–he asked me to be his girlfriend when we were in 10th grade. Just a little background on both of us: he's the nice guy. The type that girls like me (who attracted not so nice guys) usually kept in the friend zone. I decided to give him a chance though. He's a genuinely good guy, he's the most trustworthy person I've ever met, he's painfully honest and he'll bend over backwards for me. I was his first real relationship, he was my third. Everything went flawlessly until we reached college. I decided to start classes early but he wanted to take a year off before starting school again. Things got strained at best–we stopped communicating and connecting like we always used to and because of that things got dull and boring. On top of that, I worked full time as well as school and I had some major family issues to deal with.
We decided to take a break my 2nd year of college (he was just starting his 1st year) but it eventually turned into a break up. He told me that although he still felt the same about me, he wanted to have his fun and get all of that out of his system. Yeah we're in college, I understand where he's coming from and all but him saying this really pissed me off. We went many months without much conversation, I dated other guys and had a brief relationship with someone else. In the meantime, as much as I hated to admit it, all I could think about was him because nobody ever made me feel the way he did.
This past summer, we started talking again and there was an incredible connection between us–stronger than ever before. None of us really were using our heads and we had sex one night. This lead to him staying at my apartment for nearly 2 months, like we lived together. Everything was great, truly, but the problem was that there was no commitment (neither of us were out with other people those 2 months either). In fact, a friend of his felt the need to tell me that he had never been with ANY women since the time we had broken up, which at this point had been a year and a half. His friend also said that he got really defensive anytime he told him that he should talk to a particular girl, buy someone a drink, etc. and that he only talked to girls online. Weird... I finally sat him down for a real conversation and said that unless we were going to be in a committed relationship, we shouldn't be doing this.
He didn't like it at first but soon admitted it was for the best and let me have my space. Meanwhile, we have really opened up to each other about how we feel and it's good but conflicting–he said he wants to be with me but at the same time he still wants to have his fun...even though he hasn't been with anyone at all and he has had plenty of time. He said he still loves me but wants me to be happy, even if it means I end up with someone else. It's confusing to me because I feel like if he really wanted to be with other girls then he would have done it by now, seriously... I run into him EVERYWHERE and although I like seeing him and we connect every time we talk, it me miss him even more.
Has anyone else ever been in a somewhat similar situation? I know people date in high school and break up in college all the time but I feel like it is usually more cut and dry than this. My question is, is it possible to love someone and want to "explore your options" at the same time? I still love him yet I date other guys. If we were to ever get back together (not saying we are), it would be serious and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him unless I knew he had ruled out other possibilities.