I'm a woman. What do I do while on the bottom during sex with a man?
October 9, 2013 4:26 PM Subscribe
What do I do on the bottom during sex with my boyfriend? [NSFW]
I dated women exclusively for years, and as such I'm a little... rusty. I have no idea what to do when I'm on the bottom (or top for that matter, but that seems easier to research.) I make noise, play with his hair and bite his neck if the position allows it (but a lot of the time his head is too far up and blocks me from moving mine - probably because I'm short.) I've tried doing kegels but that makes him slip out. I run my hands along his back and do a little scratching, but ultimately it feels like the things I'm doing are underwhelming and I'm just kind of laying there.
I've tried getting tips from porn but honestly, at least on the websites I visit, most of the straight porn only allows a few seconds of that to pass by before there's a disgusting angle or shot or whatever.
Google only suggested things I'm already doing, and talking to him about it hasn't yielded any fruit because he's kind of closed off about it, sooo... Here I am.
I dated women exclusively for years, and as such I'm a little... rusty. I have no idea what to do when I'm on the bottom (or top for that matter, but that seems easier to research.) I make noise, play with his hair and bite his neck if the position allows it (but a lot of the time his head is too far up and blocks me from moving mine - probably because I'm short.) I've tried doing kegels but that makes him slip out. I run my hands along his back and do a little scratching, but ultimately it feels like the things I'm doing are underwhelming and I'm just kind of laying there.
I've tried getting tips from porn but honestly, at least on the websites I visit, most of the straight porn only allows a few seconds of that to pass by before there's a disgusting angle or shot or whatever.
Google only suggested things I'm already doing, and talking to him about it hasn't yielded any fruit because he's kind of closed off about it, sooo... Here I am.
It sounds like you are doing things in the missionary position, which prevents much leverage, and thus much movement. You may want to try altering your leg position, to for example, allow gripping his torso, locking your ankles and pulling him into you, etc. You can also try to be verbal, not just noise, but encouragement and dirty talk.
Porn is about a camera viewing the action, not necessarily enjoying it. It might not be the best choice for positions. Try a well reviewed sex manual if you want something like that.
That said, if you want to be on the bottom, have you tried him entering you from the rear while you are on your hands and knees? You can use your limbs to move, arch your back, push backward, etc. You can also potentially kiss him. You may find it helpful to have a pillow under you in this position.
posted by gryftir at 4:33 PM on October 9, 2013
Porn is about a camera viewing the action, not necessarily enjoying it. It might not be the best choice for positions. Try a well reviewed sex manual if you want something like that.
That said, if you want to be on the bottom, have you tried him entering you from the rear while you are on your hands and knees? You can use your limbs to move, arch your back, push backward, etc. You can also potentially kiss him. You may find it helpful to have a pillow under you in this position.
posted by gryftir at 4:33 PM on October 9, 2013
Try different types of touches on different parts of his body besides the back, hair, and neck. You can also touch your own body.
Porn is about what looks good to someone watching, instead of what feels good to someone doing.
posted by yohko at 4:42 PM on October 9, 2013
Porn is about what looks good to someone watching, instead of what feels good to someone doing.
posted by yohko at 4:42 PM on October 9, 2013
Best answer: "What do I do on the bottom during sex with my boyfriend?
Enjoy yourself? Really, the sexiest thing you can do is enjoy it. Almost everything else is secondary.
posted by 517 at 4:52 PM on October 9, 2013 [22 favorites]
Enjoy yourself? Really, the sexiest thing you can do is enjoy it. Almost everything else is secondary.
posted by 517 at 4:52 PM on October 9, 2013 [22 favorites]
It sounds like you're focused on him and doing things to him. That's not an all-bad approach, but it's unbalanced. Find which positions and variations you enjoy. If you want increased clitoral stimulation, you can pull him up or scoot yourself lower in order to have his hips slightly above yours so that his penis moves back and forth across your clitoris while he's thrusting. This variation is similar to the coital alignment technique. You can move your hips to maximize the contact. Lifting your legs (to wrap them around his lower back) will help create deeper penetration. You can also try variations that allow for the use of a vibrator.
Missionary is nice because you have the option of looking into each others eyes, kissing, and touching. But, the key is that you're both enjoying yourselves. Concentrate on your own pleasure as well as his and he'll be able to see that you're genuinely having a great time. Touch yourself and touch him to find out which sensitive spots he likes stimulated (neck, nipples, back, chest, face, butt). Work on communication, every pairing is different and you both have to figure out what combination of things are optimal for you two.
posted by quince at 4:54 PM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
Missionary is nice because you have the option of looking into each others eyes, kissing, and touching. But, the key is that you're both enjoying yourselves. Concentrate on your own pleasure as well as his and he'll be able to see that you're genuinely having a great time. Touch yourself and touch him to find out which sensitive spots he likes stimulated (neck, nipples, back, chest, face, butt). Work on communication, every pairing is different and you both have to figure out what combination of things are optimal for you two.
posted by quince at 4:54 PM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
Grab his butt. Put your legs over his shoulders. Play with your boobs.
posted by Grandysaur at 7:08 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by Grandysaur at 7:08 PM on October 9, 2013
Always be doing something with your hands.
posted by spatula at 7:11 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by spatula at 7:11 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Play with his nipples if he's at the right angle to get to them, also if you are short enough you might try sucking them. Some guys like nipple play too, though usually a little more firmly than what you'd be used to with women. Grab his ass if you can, slap it. Move your legs around to find an angle you like. Grab his hair, stroke his hair depending on what he likes.
If you are not loving the position or it's getting repetitive I'd check out some sex manuals to find some ideas.
posted by wwax at 8:06 PM on October 9, 2013
If you are not loving the position or it's getting repetitive I'd check out some sex manuals to find some ideas.
posted by wwax at 8:06 PM on October 9, 2013
Move your hips up and down to meet his. And/or let him do things like pull your legs over his shoulders, which pretty much prevents you from moving but feels great for him, and possibly not too shabby for you either. Play with his balls if you can. Moan.
posted by Kololo at 8:14 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by Kololo at 8:14 PM on October 9, 2013
Visually, I'm a big fan of a woman caressing her own breasts while we fuck. Also, when she reaches down an diddles her clit while we're fucking... HELLA sexy. Not so much as specific acts to be performed, but in that when she does it signals she's enjoying herself as we fuck.
Cosigning the mention above of "Take an interest in your own pleasure". Focus on what you find physically pleasurable and follow that. A lover who is enjoying themselves is sexy.
A recent, non-porn-angle position we;ve been enjoying is what we call "Half-revolved scissors". She lays on her side, top leg bent, knee forward. He straddles her straight leg on his knees. Quit convenient for penetration, height differences not much of a matter, everyone's hands are available, he can sit back and take in the view while still thrusting... it's a winner.
Follow what your body tells you is pleasurable and do it while fucking your boyfriend. Rich rewards will follow.
Best of luck & happy fucking!
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:20 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Cosigning the mention above of "Take an interest in your own pleasure". Focus on what you find physically pleasurable and follow that. A lover who is enjoying themselves is sexy.
A recent, non-porn-angle position we;ve been enjoying is what we call "Half-revolved scissors". She lays on her side, top leg bent, knee forward. He straddles her straight leg on his knees. Quit convenient for penetration, height differences not much of a matter, everyone's hands are available, he can sit back and take in the view while still thrusting... it's a winner.
Follow what your body tells you is pleasurable and do it while fucking your boyfriend. Rich rewards will follow.
Best of luck & happy fucking!
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:20 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
None of my business of course, but why do you have to be on the bottom?
I'm a tall guy, if a woman -- esp a short woman, and from my seat in the house most all women are short women -- if a woman is on the bottom all I'm seeing is pillow, the headboard of the bed, whatever. Small wonder he's not talking. Might be he *is* talking but it's muffled into the pillow.
It's nowhere near the fun of having the gal on top, leaping about, her boobs flip/flopping hither and yon, digging my fingers into her ass, getting to watch her face, bite her and be bitten and clawed some, etc and etc. Fun!
Plus, if she's on top, I can see her face, which is sure nice, and I can, like, talk to her and stuff, tell her how fucking beautiful she is, tell her how desperately happy I am to be in her bed, how lucky I am to be with her, to be holding her, and to agree with her that yes, her mother is wrong about something or other, whatever.
So give this guy a spin and jump his bones, claw him a little bit -- that'll get him talking -- and see how that all works out.
posted by dancestoblue at 12:48 AM on October 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'm a tall guy, if a woman -- esp a short woman, and from my seat in the house most all women are short women -- if a woman is on the bottom all I'm seeing is pillow, the headboard of the bed, whatever. Small wonder he's not talking. Might be he *is* talking but it's muffled into the pillow.
It's nowhere near the fun of having the gal on top, leaping about, her boobs flip/flopping hither and yon, digging my fingers into her ass, getting to watch her face, bite her and be bitten and clawed some, etc and etc. Fun!
Plus, if she's on top, I can see her face, which is sure nice, and I can, like, talk to her and stuff, tell her how fucking beautiful she is, tell her how desperately happy I am to be in her bed, how lucky I am to be with her, to be holding her, and to agree with her that yes, her mother is wrong about something or other, whatever.
So give this guy a spin and jump his bones, claw him a little bit -- that'll get him talking -- and see how that all works out.
posted by dancestoblue at 12:48 AM on October 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Touch yourself. Enjoy yourself. He is, we all hope, very into seeing your pleasure and knowing that he is playing a role in it.
posted by AnOrigamiLife at 1:38 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by AnOrigamiLife at 1:38 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
The answer to all sex questions remains the same: Be enthusiastic.
posted by jbickers at 5:37 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jbickers at 5:37 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Wrap your legs around him. Especially if this gets a more pleasurable angle for you. Or makes you feel sluttier, I feel a lot more like a sexual being when I've got my legs up over my BF's shoulders, spreading myself wide for him.
Fondle yourself.
Claw him, if you and him enjoy pain. Hell, sometimes I'll claw myself when I'm getting fucked.
Make noises. Are you enjoying what he's doing? Express it. Maybe in words, maybe in animal noises. "Your dick is so big." "Oh yeah, harder. Oooh. Ooh. Wait wait stop oh god yes." "Um hold on that's not a good angle. Move up a little? ooooh, yeah." "Grrrroowwllllll!!" "Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Fuck. Toy. Fuck. Toy." Those are all things I've said while on the bottom.
Grab his ass and pull him as deep into as you can. Maybe do some of those kegels while he's stopped like this. If you know Morse code then try sending him a message this way.
Change positions. There's lots of ways to be "on the bottom" that don't involve just lying there immobile and being fucked. Play around. Obvious first choice: "doggie style", you can be a VERY active participant in your sex from the bottom in this position, but there's lots more.
If you and/or your past girlfriends have used strap-ons, think about what's happened in those situations, and adapt them to getting fucked by someone whose dick doesn't come off.
If you are both perverts it might be interesting to have him tie you up so you CAN'T worry about doing anything except GETTING FUCKED. Be safe and sane, use a safeword, etc.
Grab the bedframe and use it for leverage to push back at him when he thrusts.
Talk dirty. Tell him what you want him to do RIGHT NOW. Tell him how what he's doing makes you feel. Use those direct, short, Anglo-Saxon obscenities. Or use highfalutin' Greco-Latinate words, that can be fun too. That can also be silly, and may end up making the copulation pause for laughter. Which is not a problem IMHO.
Heck, make him stop in the middle of things. Just because you can. Make him be there with his dick buried in you and just meditatively savor that sensation without words or motion for a bit. After a bit of this ask him to deliver a brief lecture on his field of specialization. Seriously. E start squeezing him inside you while he's talking. See how long he can keep his composure.
Basically, be a greedy bitch who wants to have an orgasm, do what makes that more likely to happen. You're in bed to have a good time together, stop worrying so much about his good time and play around with your own. He doesn't have a female body, so tell him what to do to put you over the edge into a screaming orgasm.
posted by egypturnash at 7:50 AM on October 10, 2013 [12 favorites]
Fondle yourself.
Claw him, if you and him enjoy pain. Hell, sometimes I'll claw myself when I'm getting fucked.
Make noises. Are you enjoying what he's doing? Express it. Maybe in words, maybe in animal noises. "Your dick is so big." "Oh yeah, harder. Oooh. Ooh. Wait wait stop oh god yes." "Um hold on that's not a good angle. Move up a little? ooooh, yeah." "Grrrroowwllllll!!" "Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Fuck. Toy. Fuck. Toy." Those are all things I've said while on the bottom.
Grab his ass and pull him as deep into as you can. Maybe do some of those kegels while he's stopped like this. If you know Morse code then try sending him a message this way.
Change positions. There's lots of ways to be "on the bottom" that don't involve just lying there immobile and being fucked. Play around. Obvious first choice: "doggie style", you can be a VERY active participant in your sex from the bottom in this position, but there's lots more.
If you and/or your past girlfriends have used strap-ons, think about what's happened in those situations, and adapt them to getting fucked by someone whose dick doesn't come off.
If you are both perverts it might be interesting to have him tie you up so you CAN'T worry about doing anything except GETTING FUCKED. Be safe and sane, use a safeword, etc.
Grab the bedframe and use it for leverage to push back at him when he thrusts.
Talk dirty. Tell him what you want him to do RIGHT NOW. Tell him how what he's doing makes you feel. Use those direct, short, Anglo-Saxon obscenities. Or use highfalutin' Greco-Latinate words, that can be fun too. That can also be silly, and may end up making the copulation pause for laughter. Which is not a problem IMHO.
Heck, make him stop in the middle of things. Just because you can. Make him be there with his dick buried in you and just meditatively savor that sensation without words or motion for a bit. After a bit of this ask him to deliver a brief lecture on his field of specialization. Seriously. E start squeezing him inside you while he's talking. See how long he can keep his composure.
Basically, be a greedy bitch who wants to have an orgasm, do what makes that more likely to happen. You're in bed to have a good time together, stop worrying so much about his good time and play around with your own. He doesn't have a female body, so tell him what to do to put you over the edge into a screaming orgasm.
posted by egypturnash at 7:50 AM on October 10, 2013 [12 favorites]
> I've tried getting tips from porn
Well, definitely not that. You need to try different things until you find something you really enjoy, and make sure you're both into whatever that is. Positions, toys, things to do, things to say. Not the unrealistic stuff that happens in porn. Remember why you're doing it - to make each other feel good, don't take yourself too seriously, and other derivative advice.
Pillow Talk Mad Libs: "I really liked it when you ______ed my ______, especially during that ______. And it's super hot when you _______ your _______. But my favorite is your ______ ________. It's so _______ing _______." (fill with hilarious nouns and adjectives)
MetaFilter: Best of luck & happy fucking!
posted by ostranenie at 8:05 PM on October 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Well, definitely not that. You need to try different things until you find something you really enjoy, and make sure you're both into whatever that is. Positions, toys, things to do, things to say. Not the unrealistic stuff that happens in porn. Remember why you're doing it - to make each other feel good, don't take yourself too seriously, and other derivative advice.
Pillow Talk Mad Libs: "I really liked it when you ______ed my ______, especially during that ______. And it's super hot when you _______ your _______. But my favorite is your ______ ________. It's so _______ing _______." (fill with hilarious nouns and adjectives)
MetaFilter: Best of luck & happy fucking!
posted by ostranenie at 8:05 PM on October 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
« Older Help me pass my "technical interview" with KAPLAN | Personal experience with "non-surgical wrinkle... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
P.S. -- don't let him get away with not talking about it, though. Keep trying on that score as well. Ask for constructive feedback, and accept it without annoyance.
posted by Smells of Detroit at 4:30 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]