Stuck in a suicidal ideation loop, need to break out and get work done
September 9, 2013 5:29 PM Subscribe
I just failed on a number of work deadlines and finally got an email from my boss pointing it out and asking for more focus and productivity. I think, I've just realized, that I do this on purpose in order to force people who believe in me to see me as the failure that I feel/know I am in my heart. This has dropped me into a mental brainworm loop of "I deserve to be dead/why am I alive/I should be dead/I don't deserve to live in this world."
I know I wont make an attempt
, I've trained myself well in ways not to. But I need to break myself out of this mental loop and get some work done today as I will be unavailable for other reasons for the rest of the week. For the same time limitations I don't have time to go hunting for therapy, at least not in the short term.
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (17 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
I've dealt with suicidal ideation since early childhood, and have a few failed suicide attempts in my history, none recently.
I'm on antidepressants, which do make a big difference but today my mental state is bigger than they are.
Please give me any advice you have on breaking out of negative mental loops and on getting work done when it feels like a mountain and you're afraid to even open a file to begin.