She has started to work in the same company with me, what now ?
August 14, 2013 2:07 PM Subscribe
I was a perfectly happy man 3 months ago. Then i met a woman by early May, we were in a relation two weeks later. It was too good to be true and apparently things unfold to a rebound situation on her end. We peacefully broke up. I was struggling at first but knew that things will get back to normal soon... after all it wasn't a relation lasted for years.
This was until she started to work in the same company with me 2 weeks ago. Now i feel like i am stuck in this limbo forever.
posted by yamamato to human relations (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Summary says it all actually. I will provide few additional details here.
me: 36 years old, art director; good looking, popular.
her: 30 years old, perfectly plays several instruments, writes and sings but unexpectedly she has a similar career to mine minus few years of experience.
We are both coming from loving but at the same time moderately dysfunctional families.
We both live in Barcelona.
Here is some history;
We first met at Paris almost 2 years ago. Were there for business and It was a very brief moment. I never saw her again. Then two years later there was an e-mail from her. We met for a coffee... ended up chatting for hours and sleeping together (no sex). We were in an official relation a week later.
On our second week i was already introduced to mother and all good friends which i thought was a bit too early. They all seemed cheering and accepting my existence from day one. She was talking about future, she indirectly asked me couple of times about marriage, etc.
Then 3-4 weeks into the relation and i started to feel that she is not really ok. She was actually sad in a way.
she was slowly getting distant.
There was something in her body language, i would call it guilt if i have to.
Then her previous b-friend called me to tell that she is seeing him too. I was not aware by then that he was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder and have a history with obsession.
This was a milestone between me and her because it changed things.
She said she saw him only two or three times.
She said her last relation was the most most toxic one ever. They planned getting married but constant fights, arguments, jealously and manipulation killed the relation. Despite early red flags, she tried too hard to hold the relation together. She invested tremendous amount of energy to no end and emotional tornado was great for her when it ended.
She is trying to recover since more than a year and still in progress. She can't promise for a solid commitment as she feels weak, insecure, lost her belief against relations.
The guy keeps stalking her. Keeps sending messages and mails. All her family and friends are against the guy and they don't speak to him. She says she is never going to get back with him but she remains confused.
She needs to be really strong and cut all strings but i don't see this happening, she is weak in this matter.
I told her "I love you and can see a future for us but you need to deal with your issues first"
We broke up.
Some of her friends begged me to stick with her; they told me this was the first time in long time she was looking alive and happy. That she loves me but it is going to take time, etc. etc.
So much happened between then and today but know this; i couldn't disconnect.
At some point i realised that i am actually seeing her too often and continue to invest. We were definitely not friends but not lovers either. I once again decided to cut all strings.
It was painful and i am still not sure if i was going to be able to remain loyal to my decision. I say so because two weeks later she started to come to my office for job interviews. By late July she was already at the office when i arrived, it was her first day. Since then we are in some sort of relation again... Actually i think most of the company already assumes we are partners.
Over the last week and weekend i was out of the country for business. Few days later she texted me saying she missed me, a day later she called and said that we were buying a house together in her dream.
I passed the early "in love" period. Yet, i still have very strong feelings for her.
An inner voice is telling me to move on asap. Not sure if this rationalism or just plain fear of getting heart broken.
Sometimes we must take risks, no ? but how much risk is too much is the dilemma.
Am i being naive or irrational to think of persistence until winning her heart ?
Is there anything else you can tell me except "run without looking back" ? If this is the only recommendation then how ? Remember that we are in the same building, same floor. Different departments with common projects so i need to constantly talk to her or vice versa.