I've done wrong and I need to make it right
April 25, 2013 3:38 PM Subscribe
I cheated on my partner early last year. We were going through an extremely bad patch and I dealt with it in the worst possible way. We've come a long way since then, and I think I want to spend the rest of my life with him, if he'll have me. But I think he deserves to know about my worst secrets if we're going to do that. How do I do this in the least awful way?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (53 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I've been stewing on this for months, and so many times I've nearly posted the question "should I tell him?" but of course, I know the answer is yes. I want to propose to him one day, but why should he marry someone who's hiding such a shameful secret?
So here are the facts. I never slept with anyone else, but I made out with more than one guy, at different times. Without trying to excuse any of it, he had been shutting me out due to a lot of factors beyond my control, and romance and our sex life had died down to almost nothing. I craved attention so much, I found it in the worst places and gorged on it until things went too far. I'm disgusted with myself - I was at the time too, but the longer I go on, the more ashamed I am. It all stopped months and months ago, but I think of it almost every day and how much I regret it.
Anyway, I know I need to tell him. But he's a kind and gentle soul, and I can't bear the thought of how much it will hurt him. He is so good, so honourable, and so incredibly trustworthy that I hate myself for how it will make him feel.
So please - help me make this as easy on him as it can be. Please be kind - I know it's all my fault and however much I hate myself for what I did and how it makes him feel, I deserve it. But please help me mitigate its impact on him, his self image and his long-term happiness. I know he might not want to be with me anymore - that's a choice he will then be at liberty to make with the full facts.