Can I ask my girl to stop talking to her cheater exes?
February 3, 2012 11:18 AM Subscribe
Is it unreasonably controlling of me to ask my girlfriend to not initiate online contact with a specific set of ex-boyfriends, namely those that she has cheated on her (ex-) husband or other boyfriends with?
posted by anonymous to human relations (51 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Background info. I just moved back to my hometown after 18 years away. It's a medium sized college town in the Midwest. I am just divorced having been with the same person for all of those 18 years. My girlfriend-- who I love madly-- has been here the whole time, and when we had our "how many partners have you had?" convo she lost count at like 50. That's fine, but the first few times we went out she ran into several exes that I didn't know she had prior and got a little freaked out; I think I'm pretty much past that but this helps explain why she now thinks I'm the jealous type.
In addition to having lots of ex-partners in this town, she also has had a pretty checkered history with monogamy, having cheated on her husband and most, if not every, partner of over a year. I trust her, but that helps set the stage for this incident.
Earlier this week, we went and saw our favorite band in concert with her two brothers. I have been trying to ingratiate myself to them for awhile, so I considered this awesome. On the way home, I asked if she'd been to see this band with any exes with her brothers-- a stupid question, sure. She replied that she had seen them once with the guy she had cheated on her husband with. That would have been the end of it. Except the next day, I saw that she posted a Facebook link to the ex's page. I got upset about it and I can't get her to understand why.
My position is this. I am not asking her to unfriend her exes-- she is Facebook friends with several-- I just don't want her posting links or encouraging conversations and interactions with the ones she has cheated with in the past. My thinking is that these guys have a proven history of not caring about her relationship status when making moves, and she is sending them (and me) messages by doing so.
She is also a little Aspergery, and this is why I cut her a little slack in not getting why it's so hurtful to me. I would like, frankly, some backup on my position. She has suggested I'm being semi-abusively controlling in asking her not to do that anymore. Am I out of line?