Late 30s, unplanned pregnancy, unstable relationship, confused
April 3, 2013 6:50 AM Subscribe
Late 30s, unplanned pregnancy, unstable relationship, confused. This is my first time posting here so please bear with me. I'm in my late 30s, divorced, with a 9-year-old child. For the past 2 years, I've been involved with a man I love dearly...however, our relationship has always been rather tumultuous. He has bipolar disorder, and when we met, he was not taking medication or under any type of psychiatric care. I didn't know how to handle his mood swings, irrational accusations of infidelity/dishonesty, and controlling behaviors so I broke up with him. A few months later he contacted me and said he was under the care of a psychiatrist, medicated, and stable. We got back together. Things were better, but still rocky at times. We were engaged for a few months last fall, had another falling out, and got back together. We decided it was best to hold off on marriage for a while. He owns his home but is currently unemployed, living off savings and has tenants who are essentially covering the mortgage.
posted by kribensa to Human Relations (55 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
About a month ago, I found out I'm pregnant. He absolutely doesn't want the baby and the rational part of me knows it would not be the right thing to do. I love him but I know this relationship is pretty much over. I'm extremely hormonal, and he's been pretty unsupportive, telling me I'm not emotionally ready to have another baby, that it would place an unfair burden on my family (I travel a lot for work, and my parents watch my 9 year old during those times), that he doesn't want to be forced to be a father, and some other rather terrible things. So, the right thing to do seems clear.
But....it's still so hard. I already feel attached to the "baby,"....and the thought of having an abortion tears me up. At this point, my bf and I are broken up, and I would have to go through the procedure/recovery without him. I'm afraid of how I would feel afterwards, that the sense of loss would overwhelm me. I've looked into adoption....I think I could go through with it if it means the chance for the child to have a shot at a normal, happy life with 2 stable parents. But I don't know how that would impact the child I do have, and my family. At my age, this will probably be my last pregnancy and I'm just so confused as to how to proceed. I've only told 2 friends--one is also pregnant (happily married) and supports whatever decision I make...the other has pretty much stopped talking to me. She's been telling me for some time that the bf is bad news, and said she can't stand by and watch him ruin my life.
So....thoughts? Advice? Kind words? A kick in the butt for making such a stupid mistake?