Partner of 6 years kissed someone else - what next?
March 4, 2013 1:12 PM Subscribe
That's basically what I know right now. He kissed someone he's in a group with after the two of them went out to lunch. We've been together for 6 years, have been living in different states for the past year and a half; the distance was supposed to end this summer when we moved in together in a new city, but now I don't know what to think. He told me himself this morning; the kiss happened yesterday.
posted by anonymous to human relations (24 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
We're talking about it tonight. This was an explicit violation of the terms of our relationship, which is not at all open. Possibly relevant: we're in our mid-late 20s, see one another in person about once a month, talk daily. Though I didn't know it at the time, he was "kind of" seeing someone when we got together (as was I) and that relationship ended when ours began, so maybe this is just how he ends relationships. Aside from that, nothing like this has happened to my knowledge.
How can I figure out how I actually feel about this (beside hurt and sad)? I've been open in the past to an open relationship (trying to be pragmatic about long-distance and human nature) but he wasn't interested in that. Now I'm feeling betrayed and also wondering if it's just my fault for moving away. It takes me a really long time to emerge from shock to true emotion, so I'm not sure how to make decisions about my relationship when I haven't started processing yet.
How do I approach this call tonight? My morbid curiosity means I want to ask a bunch of questions about the relationship, how long attraction has been present, etc., but I don't know if that's going to help or hurt. Thoughts? Knowing my partner, he's going to be looking to me to lead the conversation with my feelings, but I don't know if I'll know what they are at that point.
If we stay together, are there ways to rebuild trust after this out-of-the-blue breach of it?