Sick of being single, unsure of where to start
February 25, 2013 7:55 AM Subscribe
21 year old college student with past relationship experience, but I can't get a date to save my life. I believe I know the problem(s) but I'm unsure how to get started in term of solving things.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (20 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
1) I don't know how to flirt.
2) I have trouble distinguishing when a girl is flirting or just being friendly (I tend to auto assume friendly)
3) If there has been some ambiguous flirting happening (and my attempts at flirting back) and some alone time spent together, the logical move would be to make a move, right? I have an immense amount of trouble going in for a kiss or getting at all physical. To the point where I don't do anything and nothing ever happens.
4) Very hard for me to start talking to a random girl, although I know thats a problem for many. What bothers me is my inability to 'approach' girls I have been introduced to (friends of friends, etc)
I have no problems making friends (of both genders) but once I meet a girl that I am interested in(hook up or dating wise) things tend to go off the rails. It is not that I'm out there getting rejected, it's just that I'm not out there doing anything. Normally I just never make a move or flirt correctly or really even ask a girl on a date and instead we just become friends.
Dated two girls, one relationship was short(1 year) and insignificant. Other was long (3 years) and serious. Been single for about a year now. At first I was very excited to about being single but I haven't physically been with a girl since my ex-girlfriend and I haven't been on a date in about 3 months(which was set up by a friend, blind date style).
In both cases of the girls I dated one came on very strong to me to the point that her feelings were obvious - this allowed me to feel confidant to 'pursue' her. With the other I had my friends essentially hold my hand every step of the way with the other girl.
Personally I am more on the reserved side but once I get to know someone I can be very friendly. I know that among friends and acquaintances I'm well liked and thought of in high regards. In terms of raw physical attractiveness I would say I'm average. Well aware that girls won't be throwing themselves at me but at the same time I do not think it is my looks that are holding me back. Male friends have said that I'm "too nice" and "care too much".
Lastly, my goals are in the short term: go on some casual dates and have some hookups. Long term: build the skills and confidence needed to have another serious relationship when the time is right/whenever I might meet someone right. Hoping to be able to take advantage of still being in college(at a large school).