How easy do I or do I not have it as a woman in the dating world?

August 12, 2010 2:16 PM

All right. How difficult is it for women to flirt with men *really*? I often hear that just smiling at a dude is good enough, but how true is that? What tactics have been successful for you, ladies? What is it you gentlemen out there wish a woman would (reasonably) do in a social situation? I've read the SIRC guide to flirting, but I'm looking for some real world anecdotes to supplement that.

I'm a female in my late twenties, and I'm terribly shy, especially when it comes to the opposite sex (nothing new there, I know). But I'm really trying hard to overcome this, and I could use some inspiration. Because every single date I've EVER gone on has been with someone who approached me first but later turned out to be a jerk who probably wouldn't have been tolerated by someone with more confidence, and I've met these guys in all kinds of social situations, not just bars. So, I'm thinking it's time I took charge. Give me some pointers! Please?

P.S. - I'm always seeing posts here about overcoming shyness with the opposite sex, but it seems like most of them are men asking how to approach women. If I've missed some helpful posts from women like me, I'd appreciate the linkage!

posted by anonymous to human relations (38 answers total)

Here's something that has always worked for me when I am feeling shy and want someone to approach me instead of the other way around. Look at the guy long enough to make eye contact. When he makes eye contact, look down and blush and smile. If the guy is interested and he is not shy himself, he will approach you after you do that. Do not do that more than once on the same dude though because it could make him uncomfortable.
posted by Ashley801 at 2:25 PM on August 12, 2010

Lingering eye contact. Then, smile.

Vary length of eye contact and intensity of smile on an individual basis to get just the right mix.

If the guy is shy, just ask him out. It may sound intimidating but the feeling you get afterwards is out of the world.
posted by xm at 2:30 PM on August 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Eye contact is the key, here. Make and maintain eye contact, then smile. It works, not because it's anything particularly tricky, but because it lets whoever you are looking at know that you are looking at him.

Believe in your own worth as a person and as a potential date. Confidence, understated and unassuming, is very, very attractive.
posted by lydhre at 2:31 PM on August 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think this really depends on the guy you're going after.

For me, I like when a woman makes a lot of eye contact while talking, starts getting a little touchy and playful while discussing something or joking around, and there is a general mutual interest in what each other are saying. Being able to be really direct and honest without any games is a big turn on too.

If you're having trouble just getting to the point of talking with a guy I think you just need to try it out a few times to get over the insecurity. I know that's easier said than done but that will build up confidence and confidence is sexy.

As the others said above, all the waiting around and glancing eye contact from across the room may work but your still the one being approached first. It's not as likely to let you get what you want like just going after it.
posted by zephyr_words at 2:32 PM on August 12, 2010

Eye contact, smile, make jokes. They'll pick up on it unless you are their waitress/bartender/whatever or they are dumb.

When he makes eye contact, look down and blush and smile.

Yeah, this.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 2:32 PM on August 12, 2010

If he's not getting the hint from eye contact and a nice smile (or he's shy like you), go and talk to him. You don't need to be bubbly and laugh at anything he says, and you don't need to be super confident. Showing that it was more than a casual glance and a friendly smile can go a good way into initiating conversation, even if you feel like you can't really start one yourself. Think of some safe starter topics ("I noticed you were watching x, drinking y, or doing z"), which can be easier in social settings that aren't bars.

Go into situations with friends, so if you get shot down, you can have some moral support. And at worst, you if you go with friends and you're feeling like you can get the nerve up to talk to some guy, have a friend initiate it for you.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:35 PM on August 12, 2010

I have to say that lingering eye contact from a stranger makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. This could be a cultural thing, of course (I'm a Brit) and that's something that makes a difference. What charms one person will shock or repel another.

What charms me is when a woman simply talks pleasantly and easily with me, and gives me a reason to believe that she finds me good company. If it's at a social function like a party or a dinner it's nice when she simply shows genuine interest in conversing with me and actually seems engaged in the conversation. Humour, of course, is always an absolute winner. When someone both shows humour and the appreciation of it in return, I find that irresistible. Being engaged. That's it. Giving that "Hey, I really want to talk to you" vibe.
posted by Decani at 2:41 PM on August 12, 2010 [5 favorites]

And at worst, you if you go with friends and you're feeling like you can get the nerve up to talk to some guy, have a friend initiate it for you.

She is in her late twenties. Having a friend go say, "Susie thinks you're cute!" is so middle school.

The going up in a group can be OK, especially as an initial crutch since OP says she is so shy, but I think that can be pretty intimidating for a lot of guys.
posted by zephyr_words at 2:46 PM on August 12, 2010

There isn't really any good catch-all advice on "how to flirt with men (or women)." Any given person's flirting style will work on some subset of people and not others. Be yourself. Have a normal conversation with any given person without any expectations. Try to think of it as just as low-pressure of an event as any other day-to-day occurrence. If you think you might enjoy their company, invite them to do something specific (coffee, bike ride, thing you have in common, etc.) with you.
posted by lover at 2:49 PM on August 12, 2010

If all else fails, there's always the internet. I'm way better at flirting in text than in person, so dating sites work great for me.
posted by NoraReed at 2:56 PM on August 12, 2010

Tips and tricks.....If you are with a group of people and he is part of the group (ie a small party or something) talk to him. If you have trouble looking for an opening, wait for him to go get another beer and follow him to get one too-start the conversation then. If you are really shy, get up and say "going for another beer, do you want me to get you one?" and smile. If he wants to talk to you, he'll either tag with you or talk to you when you return, with a drink. I realize this beer wench bit is not very feminist friendly but it is a easy way to break the ice with someone without ANY pressure because really, you could be just getting another beer.

At a bar-if he's sitting/standing at the bar and it's crowded at all, go stand next to him to get the bartender's attention. If you're at a crowded bar, this builds in a minute or two to talk to him. Nthing eye contact and smile if you are across the room. It's hard, I know, but if a woman does this five times in one night, she will probably go home with four phone numbers/names/conversations so your success rate will be high enough to make it worth sucking it up and trying it.

In a more individual situation-yeah, touch his arm when you say something. Smile at him. Make your eyes sparkle at him. Treat him like he is someone you want to get to know. Everyone likes that, right?

Also-just as an aside to help you get your feet wet. Flirt with every guy you meet for a whole day (excepting situation where you will get fired for harassment of course) and see what happens. You'll get good practice on the UPS guy, used to rejection from the guy sitting next to you on the bus, and just a sense that flirting is just being very friendly. It's not really putting yourself out there, so you have nothing to lose.
posted by supercapitalist at 3:06 PM on August 12, 2010

She is in her late twenties. Having a friend go say, "Susie thinks you're cute!" is so middle school.

In theory, yes. But I was once at a bar with a coed group of friends, when a girl came up to us and asked one of the guys, X, if he was dating anyone in the group. He said no and she said "well, in that case, you should meet my friend, Y." X and Y started chatting, hit it off, and ended up going out a bunch of times after that. So this strategy can definitely work.
posted by lunasol at 3:32 PM on August 12, 2010

Sorry, the first line in my comment should have been in italics, indicating that it was a quotation.
posted by lunasol at 3:33 PM on August 12, 2010

One thing that I've been successful with is having an idea of what I want to do before I approach someone. This doesn't work great in bars, but it's excellent at a smaller gathering where you are meeting friends of friends.

Example: I want to go hiking, and I meet someone who is cute. I ask him if he likes hiking and if he wants to go with me. Or to see a band I like. Or to eat at a specific restaurant I heard something good about. I find the specificity takes a lot of pressure off, because I'm inviting him in on things I would be doing anyway. It makes the conversation easier cause then it's more like a friendship based on shared interests and less like a Date that is separate from the rest of my life. This is especially good with friends of friends cause others can join in and it can be easier to manage than a one-on-one date. Just make sure you smile a lot and focus conversation on the object of desire if you are in a group so he knows you think he's special.
posted by ohisee at 3:35 PM on August 12, 2010

I made myself social calling cards just to flirt with men/women.

They're like business cards, but they're a lot more informal. Moo.com is a good option for the uncrafty/design-inclined. You do not want something that says "feel free to call me if you ever have questions about your insurance plan!" You want something that shows off your personality, something a little quirky, something that says "I'm interesting, here's all my info, e-stalk me, remember me, call me!"

I got a custom rubber stamp made that says

LORENA CUPCAKE SURNAME
Racounteur, Cupcake Gangster, & Shameless Scene Kid
(phone number)
(email)
(flickr URL)
(facebook URL)
(twitter URL)

Once the rubber stamp is made you can stamp your information onto anything you damn please (hell, stamp it right onto people's arms) but I got a booklet of squares of thick cardstock-like sticker paper at the scrapbooking/craft store. Every few weeks I crack a beer, stamp the blank sticker-peel-sheet side with my info, and draw little personalized unique stickers on the other side.

Some have self-portraits, some have whimsical designs of what my personal beer label would look like, some just say "My Name is Lorena Cupcake, Nice to Meetcha."

When you're shy, I feel like it is easy to miss a lot of opportunities because you're not ballsy enough to come out and say "hey, you're cute as fuck, do you want to hang out sometime?" but if you can muster up enough courage to get your calling card into someone's hand, well, that opportunity ain't missed, because if they're intrigued as well then they can always hit you up.

REAL WORLD ANECDOTES/THE LAST CARDS I REMEMBER HANDING OUT:

The cute cashier at Trader Joe's was carding me for my two buck chuck and asked if my middle name was really Cupcake. I said "it sure is, it's even on my card!" and gave one to him.

The bartender at a dive bar in Logan Square came up to me to tell me he'd seen me in there before and asked my name. I asked his name and gave him a card that had a drawing of a ring pop and said "WILL YOU BE MY FUTURE EX-HUSBAND?" Later, when I went back up for a drink I told him to call me and we could set a date.

"For the wedding, or for the divorce?" he asked. Man, I need to go back to that bar.

I was waiting in line at Xoco for the ninety billion tortas I was buying for the monthly Chicago Billy Goat Mefi Meet. The fella in line with me commented on the book I was reading (Portnoy's Complaint) and we had a lively discussion about fucking liver and milk bottles. I ended up giving him my card and imploring him to email me sometime. He did, and we actually went out for a while and he was a really nice guy. Maybe you should just carry around Portnoy's Complaint; it's a great conversation starter.
posted by Juliet Banana at 3:53 PM on August 12, 2010 [28 favorites]

Wear a dress. Seriously I get hit on about 10X more often when I'm in a dress. I'm not talking some short, tight cocktail dress either. Most dresses will do. Long flowy sundress, whatever, doesn't seem to really matter. I know part of it is that most women look better in dresses. Unfortunately that is the beginning and end of my known successful tactics for flirting with men.
posted by whoaali at 3:59 PM on August 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm another one who votes for Significant Eye Contact. (Capitalised because that's what I call my method of flirting and have done for, oh, decades.)

Catch their eye, hold the gaze for maybe 3 seconds, let a slow sexy smile spread across your face. Then look away for a few seconds. Then look back. If he's still looking at you, you're in!
posted by malibustacey9999 at 4:11 PM on August 12, 2010

You mention that you are shy and I can relate a bit - I was also quite shy/uncertain in social situations, especially when I was in my 20s. I started to attend a lot more mixed social and networking-not-quite-working-but-not-completely-social-either events where I was expected to make small talk with folks. The opportunity for flirting or chit-chatting with a member of the opposite sex would come up and I was challenged to come up with good techniques and ways to chat with people and be a bit flirty.

Similar to what supercapitalist suggests about practicing with lots of different people...One thing that worked for me was a period of time where I was spending lots of time working or spending time in coffee shops or bistros reading. On a slow afternoon or early evening when things are not busy, chatting with bartenders and servers can be a great way to practice flirty-type behaviour with people. Some of the best casual flirting experiences I have had were when I was at a conference and killing time in the hotel bar. Slow as hell and a lot of servers and bartenders are good at flirting or just generally being friendly (helps the tip levels and the time pass by, I would imagine). I learned a lot about how to chat with relative strangers where the investment level on my part was relatively low and it was time limited. I learned about how keep a conversation going, read body language and "try" some of the techniques mentioned in other responses (slow smiles, cute comments, etc) and see what worked with my personality and what made me feel confident, friendly and attractive. This was important because what works for some people won't necessarily work for you, and I've always had better experiences when I was being genuine and more relaxed rather than with some behaviours that I didn't feel that comfortable doing - e.g. winking does not work for me, but I have had good luck with the slow smile. Feeling confident and comfortable goes a long way in helping you flirt, and barring that, helps you to have a good time with people or in social situations where you might be really feeling your shyness.
posted by Cyrie at 4:36 PM on August 12, 2010

It's surprisingly easy to be interested in a person. It's also surprisingly easy to say "Oh, that drink looks good, what is it?" (provided it isn't something obvious) and, following that, it is very easy to judge wheter or not you should proceed from their reaction:

Examples follow. Which ones do you think are worthwhile pursuing conversation with?

"It's a martini, what's it to you? Is that okay with you?"

"It's a martini, it tastes like petrol, they make them way too strong here."

"It's a martini, except instead of gin it uses tonic, and instead of vermouth it uses gin."

"Why, you silly thing, it's a martini! Here they are simply divine!"

"It's my...ninth. Oh god, Martha! *breaks down sobbing*"

"It's a martini, but I doubt it's anywhere near as good as what you're having!"

"This is for my wife."
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:39 PM on August 12, 2010 [8 favorites]

It makes a lot of sense to develop some flirting skills because when you are shy and you only get to go out with guys who approach you they really are often looking for that power differential between you so they wind up coming across as jerks. The flirting skills are about your picking the guy you want to interact with socially and having a light-hearted entertaining conversation or playful, silent exchange so that if he joins the banter or catches the come-hither, you can decide if you want to go one more step. If not, pleasantries have been exchanged and everybody feels good about it.

Think of it as play. The more things you are interested in and can talk about, the more toys and breadcrumbs you can add to the game. The goal is to do the picking yourself, especially as you have discerned (correctly, in my opinion) that the ones who pick you do so for their own selfish reasons.

Flirting is a very good skill to have. You can use it all your life in many situations. Remember that it doesn't have to be and shouldn't at the outset be about dating or sexuality at all, but about entertaining and giving people little gifts of quite harmless social fun.
posted by Anitanola at 4:41 PM on August 12, 2010

I'm not all that shy, but if a woman looked at me, smiled, then looked away, I may end up talking myself out of approaching her because I decided she wasn't interested after all, or I'd read too much into her look, or if she was interested then she'd make it clearer, so therefore she's not into me at all.

I know a lot of guys (and I'm one of them) who are hypersensitive about coming across as a creep. This, in conjunction with a little trepidation about approaching a stranger, can mean we need something more than a single look. A few relationships I've been could have started months earlier had I picked up on all the signs I was meant to be receiving.

So. Eye contact is wonderful, sure. If you do that and he doesn't approach, however, it may be worth taking the initiative yourself. Good luck!
posted by twirlypen at 5:15 PM on August 12, 2010 [8 favorites]

Yeah, unfortunately eye contact is essentially meaningless, and she may have wonky eyes and be looking at the guy behind you. twirlypen is correct in saying that a lot of guys are hypersensitive about being perceived as creepy. Eye contact isn't enough, and the smile-and-look-away? What? Have I got something stuck to my face? Verbal communication is the only safe bet.
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:23 PM on August 12, 2010

Whatever you do don't make your flirtation desperate by being one, that's easy to give off.

Don't just focus on flipping your eyelashes quickly, gently touching the guy's hand, pushing your hair back, talk to him!
posted by iNfo.Pump at 5:24 PM on August 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

The advice in this thread is great and I want to add the umpteeth suggestion about eye contact with one other CRITICAL suggestion. So here's the scenario -

You're playing pool/ drinking coffee/watching a band with a group of your friends.
You notice a cute guy with a group of his friends.
He might not be the alpha of the bunch (which is good but those guys can be a pain) but he seems cool, funny, respectful and not like a player. Maybe he even seems a little shy too...this is good.
Do all the light eye-catching stuff that everyone has suggested above. Nothing too intense, but look over in his direction every so often and then at some point your eyes will meet. Just hold his gaze for about 2 beats and then give a nice friendly smile.
Do this a few times as long as it feels comfortable. At first he won't be sure you're looking at him or what's going on....but after a few eye connections and smiles he'll know you think he's cute.
Okay...here is the critical part....MOVE! Yep, go to the bathroom, go to the bar to order a drink, go use the pay phone in the hall...do ANYTHING that moves you into a neutral area. This gives the guy a chance to move into your orbit without seeming like a player or causing any major stress. If you see this guy in your vicinity in the next 5 minutes than give him a grin and maybe strike up a conversation. Flirting is fun!
posted by victoriab at 6:16 PM on August 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

I definitely stand by the eye contact method, at least in the US. However, for me, it's always worked if it's a few glances within a few minutes. One look just isn't enough. Whether intentionally or not, I tend to check someone out, and then when he "catches" me, I get embarrassed and grin while I look away. A few more shared looks and there ya go. If he sees you and doesn't bother meeting your gaze for more than a split second, move on.

I'm also a chatter, especially when I'm in a social situation where I know at least one or two people and therefore have something in common with the other people there. I find it easier to enter a group conversation; gently insert yourself into an interesting, casual conversation that you can offer something to. Even if it's just "oh, I hated that bar, too! This place is much better." Of course, only if it's actually true.

Some of this might be a bit more forward than you're comfortable with at first, but it generally turns off the domineering-jerk types. :) Plus... the second method's good practice for other social situations that don't call for flirtation.
posted by inmediasres at 7:00 PM on August 12, 2010

This is going to sound odd... but you know how people "smile with their eyes"? I'm sure you've heard that a genuine smile involves the eye muscles just as much as your mouth. When I'm trying to be flirty, I find that widening my eyes (just a bit!) and turning on the eye-smile works better than just a big goofy grin. YMMV.
posted by samthemander at 7:34 PM on August 12, 2010

Okay...here is the critical part....MOVE! Yep, go to the bathroom, go to the bar to order a drink, go use the pay phone in the hall...do ANYTHING that moves you into a neutral area. This gives the guy a chance to move into your orbit without seeming like a player or causing any major stress.

Seconding this. For all of the good advice here about the eye contact thing, it doesn't help you much if you think you can just make eye contact across a room & the guy will come running over to strike up a conversation. A player might, but a lot of guys (like me) won't. You need to somehow organise to meet him half-way.

[thinks] "Was that girl just looking at me? [checks over shoulder] Hm, there's a window behind me, and a TV just above; maybe she was looking for her friend or watching a show or daydreaming or something... [some time passes] Did she just look again? Not sure, it's kinda dark in here, not easy to tell exactly what she's looking at. Probably just imagining it. Not worth the risk of walking over & looking like a total fuckwit..." [shrugs & returns to conversation & beer]
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:06 PM on August 12, 2010 [3 favorites]

Put a hand on his shoulder for a second. Call him "dear" or "hon." Either one. Even as quick, off the cuff gestures, they melt the heart.
posted by argybarg at 10:03 PM on August 12, 2010

For many guys (me for example) you'd have to try reaaaalllly hard be too obvious in your flirting approach. All the advice on eye contact is good, but men seem to have a very different perception of this. We sometimes don't even notice you looking at us - and if we do, it certainly doesn't tell us "for sure" that you are interested. And for your is a little bit what I'm looking for, as I don't want you to think I'm a player and I might be shy myself (and so on, and so on). Even if I notice you looking at me, I wouldn't know what to make of it.

1st advice: be really obvious in your approach. What might seem painfully obvious to you (long look) might just be very ambiguous to me.

2nd advice: when you talk to me look for signs from me that signal my interest. That could be that I happen to touch you at the elbow, a charming comment... anything :) . If you want to escalate the situation to the next level: respond in kind. f there is no response from the other party, I tend to wait with any more "escalations" from my side. Otherwise I feel that I'm way too pushy - and I'm usually not shy at all, in flirting and "probing" the private space of a lady I restrict myself a lot more.

If you don't notice that I'm flirting with you - but you are still interested - follow rule one. Be really obvious. Put your hand on my arm. It's really easy. And the good thing is: you can do it, you're a girl. And guys will love you for making this nebulous process easier for them.

I'd even put up the theory, that you will find much nicer guys this way. You can certainly wait for guys to approach you in bars and let them continue to the point where they try and kiss you without giving them feedback. But: you let a sample of the manly population self-select that tends to be a more a-hole-ish and and the pick-up crowd. You lose all the men that try to account for your lack of response, who don't like to push forward when there is no clear message from you.

To recap:

A) Be really clear in your intentions (much more obvious than you'd think)

B) If you can: verbalize what you want (it is sooooo much easier to speak instead of interpreating what you mean when you look at us)

C) Respond to "signs" from men, when they talk to you (touching your hand etc.)

D) Don't be afraid to go out and chat up to a man - I'm really not shy - but a bit of a miscalibrated gentleman when it comes to approaching girls - so don't worry, it feels very strange for men too, and we really appreciate being talked to :) .
posted by mathiu at 1:07 AM on August 13, 2010

You're terribly shy but you can be bold when you need to be. Throw yourself into things.

Make lots of physical contact. Make excuses to lean in and whisper so that your lips are brushing his hair and ears. If you're in a crowd, be the one right there next to him, unavoidably rubbing against him. Make excuses to be alone with him. If he's on a couch and there's flopping room next to him, find a goofy excuse (it's been a hard day and he looks like a good, firm pillow) to flop with your head in his lap. If he's in a nice big chair, plant yourself on his lap because he has taken the best chair. Back scratches. Back rubs. Foot rubs. Grooming like monkeys (I hope he doesn't have bugs, though). If he's shy, tell him what he's going to do: come with me, make room for me, brush my hair, rub my back, let me sit in your lap, hold me, kiss me. Take his hand and pull him along with you. Do these things without thinking, without second-guessing yourself.

If he still doesn't get it, his friends will get it and push him in the right direction.
posted by pracowity at 5:43 AM on August 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

I once told a female friend that the way it works for me is eye contact and smiling. She didn't believe me.

A few months later we were talking and she said "I can't believe that eye-contact stuff really works! It totally works!"

Be more aggressive. Talk to guys you like. Focus on them and make sure you give your signals to the guy you are talking to. Their friends will notice and tell him that they think you like him.

Then, he will ask you out.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:20 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Confidence. Simply an open, confidence. It doesn't matter what you look like, or what you do. Ask a compelling question. Start a real conversation that indicates that you are not interested in the typical stale small talk. Be assertive in a way that let's the guy know you are kind and that he will be attractive to you based on his friendliness and personality. There are lots of amazing guys out there. There are few Bananacrombie and Fitch moodel-y types in the world. It stands to reason that many of the most compelling guys are guys that may not get the first looks in a bar. Your confidence, openness, and kindness will draw you together.
posted by nickjadlowe at 8:48 AM on August 13, 2010

"What's up Handsome" with as much confidence as you can muster
posted by jasondigitized at 9:00 AM on August 13, 2010

Talk to them for a little while in a lighthearted way, then ask for their email address. Then ask them on something that seems like a date.

If they hesitate to give their email, then...be polite and go do something else after a minute.

If you have trouble talking to someone in a lighthearted way, you need to practice doing so with everyone.

The benefit of this approach is that if he seems like a bit of a jerk, pushy, whatever after you talk to him for a bit, you can always just NOT get the email address, or not email him. Whereas the come-hither smile and stuff sorta puts you in the receptive position. Which is okay, but is also kinda what you're trying to head away from.

(Also yeah, head to neutral ground or go to them.)
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 9:48 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

...here is the critical part....MOVE! Yep, go to the bathroom, go to the bar to order a drink, go use the pay phone in the hall...do ANYTHING that moves you into a neutral area. This gives the guy a chance to move into your orbit without seeming like a player or causing any major stress.

This because if you're smiling at him from different angles he may be less likely to believe that it's the guy behind him, or a window you're so interested in. Especially if you're making it a point to turn and smile at him.

(This worked for me at a bar on Wednesday night, and now I have a dinner date on Monday with that guy.)
posted by bilabial at 1:11 PM on August 13, 2010

I'm horrible at flirting, but I can attest to the eye contact thing working. An example: I tend to smile at people when I pass them on the street. One afternoon, an astoundingly-attractive guy whom I'd normally think was WAY out of my league rode past on a bicycle. I smiled as I tend to do, and he looked back suddenly. I thought, "Whoa, wait, why's he looking at me? Do I know him? Is there something weird on my face?" so I looked back. ...which he noticed and mistakenly took to mean I was interested. He caught up with me and tried his darnedest to get me to exchange phone numbers. He wasn't my type. And then he told me my ass was hot, which totally killed his chances... but the POINT is, eye contact works. So, be careful how you use it.
posted by katillathehun at 2:54 PM on August 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Be friendly, not flirty. There was a study that revealed when women try to be flirty guys just think they're being nice and when a girl is just trying to be nice guys think she's flirting.

Weird.
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 10:40 PM on August 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Additionally, this may interest you.
posted by xm at 6:32 PM on August 18, 2010