On the brink of divorce, don't know what the hell to do about our cat
February 20, 2013 11:35 AM Subscribe
I think my marriage may be irreparably broken. The idea of splitting up is agonizing, but if things don't turn around soon, I can't stay.
But. I don't know what to do about our cat, and it's tearing me apart.
posted by anonymous to human relations (39 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
He's old, and he has serious health issues. He usually doesn't act sick or old at all, but he is. He could live another three months, or three to five years if we're very lucky. Odds are that he has another year, or two, and when he does get sick it could get grim in a hurry.
The prospect of me taking him someplace else seems cruel. This is the only real home he's ever known, and moving is traumatic for cats at the best of times. Also, the best housing situation I could swing right now would probably be to rent a room in a stranger's place, and he's an indoor cat. It would be complicated and awful, and probably unworkable.
So, maybe the sensible thing would be to just leave him here, but that prospect is just as awful, if not worse. He is very loving and dependent on me, and he acts absolutely distraught when I'm gone. I don't even want to think of living without him. It'd be like leaving my kid behind, only he's a kid who will never understand why I had to leave.
I'd rather take on a lot of pain myself than ever see him suffer, but if indeed I do split up with my spouse, I don't know how to do it without also causing my cat to suffer a lot. And even if I left him here, and he bounced back right away and forgot all about me, that hurts me too damn much. I can't stand the idea of him hurting because I'm gone, and I can't stand the idea of him forgetting about me.
Right now our marriage is in a highly volatile state. For a long time I was kind of the one pushing for us to stay together, and if I admitted how close I was to leaving right now, that'd probably be the end for us. So I can't even really discuss the cat situation unless I'm ready to split up for good. I do think my spouse would probably accept my taking the cat, but with great reluctance. So, there'd be that guilt, too.
I apologize for this little meltdown, but my whole life is falling apart and I feel like I'm kind of trapped here because of this damn cat I love so much. I can't even go away for a few weeks or months as a trial separation, because I've gotta worry about the fuzzball. It's this deep, primal, embarrassingly parental kind of love, and right now it's inconvenient as hell.
Suggestions would be very, very welcome at this point.