What to do when Life's a Gas
February 7, 2013 7:26 PM Subscribe
You've got insane gas but you need to keep working. What do you do?
Let me set the scene.
You are at work and you have an important meeting in 10 minutes. Or you're at an Art Museum looking at a Monet, or at a Benefit and you have to give a speech, or about a teach a class, or at some event in which your attendance is required. You need to stay in the building and deal with your problem. Your problem is that your stomach is producing a crazy amount of gas. You're uncomfortable and afraid to move because you'll let out a loud stinky fart...or, a series of farts with each stiff step you take (you all know of the fart walk. Fart-fart-fart-fart-fart). Your assets are water in the bathroom, some basic first-aid-kit elements such as headache medicine, and maybe some stale donuts or steal-able food in the breakroom. You can step outside but there is no pharmacy nearby. You have a breakroom and/or a shared bathroom that you can duck into.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
This has happened to everybody. Gas that bubbles up over and over again. You're afraid to fart while sitting down because you might go airborne off your chair. You don't want to crop dust around the museum because, well, that's just unpleasant. You don't want to fart loudly in front of your class and be known as the Fartsy Professor (no really, you don't). Mefites, I want to know what sort of folk remedies you have for this sort of situation. It has happened before and will happen again to the best of us.
With anonymous love, the Fartsy Professor