Can this relationship be salvaged?
January 28, 2013 1:31 PM Subscribe
Not-insignificant age gap [5 years +] in our long-term relationship: she's the older one. Can it be salvaged?
I'm 28, SO is 33. We've had a great, loving, 4-year relationship. The past few months have put a heavy strain on us - work, holidays, a death in the family - this spurred her into thinking more about the future.
posted by anonymous to human relations (63 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
She wants to get married and have kids before shes too old - I do too, but not until my mid-30s. I don't feel like I'm even at the right place to start planning for it at this point: I've just taken a big plunge and quit my stable job to try and launch my own company. [This is all to say I'm willing to wipe out my savings on this experiment and start over if it fails - while shes trying to avoid risks]
We had a long conversation last night where all this came up. She wants to end things.
I'm paralyzed between chasing after her/fighting to keep her or letting her go. Were we at the same point in our lives I wouldn't hesitate saying I want to spend the rest of my life with her - but being ready for marriage and kids isn't some switch I can just flick on. Thinking about not having her in my life makes me physically sick. The thought of ruining her life for my selfish happiness is the only thing stopping me from doing something about it.
Has anyone successfully navigated a situation like this? Any couples with a similar age gap care to chime in with their experiences? Should I just let it end and hope to one day establish a platonic close-friends-with-ex relationship or are those just figments of sitcom TVs imagination?
Throwaway email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Sorry if this rambled, I'm having a hard enough time getting my thoughts together, let alone putting together a coherent question.