Totally awesome new sexual superpower - but why?

January 16, 2013 3:32 AM

What would cause my vagina to suddenly be tighter? I've been sexually active since I was 19, and I'm 31 now. In the last 2 years I've suddenly gotten comments from multiple partners about how tight I am. In particular, a porn star I was dating, who obviously has seen his fair share of vaginas, tells me mine is the tightest he's ever felt. Aside from this being a totally awesome sexual superpower I seem to have developed, what could have happened? The only thing I can think of is that before these two years, I had a dry spell of about a year. I know that can tighten things up. But I've been having a decent amount of sex in the last two years - at least 1-2 times a month usually, with the exception of the three months of dating the porn star (cause, well, dating a porn star). Apparently I'm still as tight as ever. Wouldn't that tightening that resulted from the dry spell have loosened up again by now? What's going on with my lady bits?
posted by dithmer to human relations (16 answers total)

Bartholin cysts?
posted by taff at 3:52 AM on January 16

Your exercise regime?
posted by Wilder at 3:56 AM on January 16

Maybe nothing's changed so much with your body but that you're now with partners who are more communicative due to their own experience/maturity/confidence.
posted by headnsouth at 3:56 AM on January 16 [7 favorites]

Have you considered it could be that all these guys have bigger-than-average dicks?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:01 AM on January 16 [1 favorite]

I'd suggest that the hormonal weirdness that happens to women around 30 may be upping the blood flow to your vag. Sex really does get better for women as they age, not just due to experience, but due to the way our hormonal profile changes over time.

I also imagine if you're doing exercises that strengthen core muscle groups that it may have a knock on effect on your pelvic floor group. Strong pelvic floor muscles will make things feel tighter during sex not because of any actual difference in vaginal size, but because during sex you will squeeze with more force than you may have prior.

Of course, that's the catch, isn't it? The only way to be able to tell if you have actually become tighter is to have a partner who had sex with you at nineteen compare how things felt then with how things feel now. It may well be purely a development in how well people communicate with you as you get older.

And as far as your porn star buddy goes he may well be complimenting your performance as much as anything else. I'd also wager he's also sporting a bigger cock than average, and porn girls have a lot more sex with larger endowed men, so no surprise you're tighter than a pro.

If it's worrying you, I'd book an STI screening, but really I'd chalk this one up to "woohoo, aging doesn't totally suck" and have as much cheerful consensual sex with your super-powered vag as you feel is appropriate.
posted by Jilder at 4:07 AM on January 16 [9 favorites]

Hesitant to post this as I don't want to worry you unnecessarily, but a friend had something similar as a result of scleroderma. It might be something to check out, just in case?
posted by ominous_paws at 4:24 AM on January 16

Vaginas don't get "loose" from ordinary penetrative sex. They don't "tighten up" after refraining from sex.

Maybe your pelvic floor muscles are stronger than they used to be? If you've changed your exercise regime from, say, running to something that specifically works pelvic floor muscles like yoga or Pilates, that might explain it.

On the other hand, mention it to your GYN at your next appointment, just so she can check that the change isn't reflecting the early stages of a vaginal constriction (which can be caused by PCOS, for instance).
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:08 AM on January 16 [14 favorites]

And as far as your porn star buddy goes he may well be complimenting your performance as much as anything else. I'd also wager he's also sporting a bigger cock than average, and porn girls have a lot more sex with larger endowed men, so no surprise you're tighter than a pro.

That's not how vaginas work. They don't get stretched out with use - can we retire that misogynist misinformation already?

I've found that some guys just really like to talk about vaginal tightness during sex. It's just part of their dirty talk repetoire. That having been said, if you've been working out your pelvic floor muscles, that could add to the feeling of "tightness."
posted by ablazingsaddle at 8:39 AM on January 16 [10 favorites]

ablazingsaddle: That was a poorly put way to phrase things. Allow me to rephrase that then. I know vaginas aren't like socks that stretch out during use. "Tenting" during early phases of arousal "lift" the vaginal wall to a length of somewhere around six inches, longer for some, shorter for others. The perceived "tightness" is not a function of how much sex you have had, but is rather a function of how strong that muscle group is. Poor muscle tone, poor gripping.

Professional porn stars learn to relax that muscle group as a matter of course to make their work easier, as a lot of them start a shoot "faking" it and have learned to make the process more comfortable for themselves. It's not meant to reflect a suggestion of "damage" to the vaginal canal rather the acquired skill set.
posted by Jilder at 9:38 AM on January 16 [4 favorites]

I've found that some guys just really like to talk about vaginal tightness during sex. It's just part of their dirty talk repertoire.

Yep. It could be just dirty-talk for the guy's own pleasure, and/or it could be the guy trying to make you feel extra-sexy. It's not necessarily based on any objective truth. Same deal with women who stroke a guy's ego by raving about the size of his schlong, irrespective of the schlong's actual dimensions.
posted by nacho fries at 10:13 AM on January 16 [2 favorites]

I did want to mention that several different guys have told me this, so I don't think it's just trying for sexy talk. In addition to the porn star (who won't shut up about it), one of the guys was a one night stand, and he made specific mention of it several times, even after we'd finished, and another one was a guy that I actually have slept with prior to the "period of tightness" and he says I'm noticeably tighter.

So I think it being (solely) dirty talk is ruled out.
posted by dithmer at 10:39 AM on January 16

Maybe you've been doing something right with sex?? Like instead of laying there and getting passively looser, you've been participating and working those muscles in a self-reinforcing kind of way? Do you do any sports or intense physical activities -- like squash or anything involving powerful stop-start action in your hips? Certain forms of regular exercise may invisibly strengthen those pelvic muscles -- perhaps your super-powered vag has been able to capitalize on this?

Just my two cents, but I think sex only 1-2 times monthly allows for enough time for that tightness to return. While that's a good regular frequency of sex (yay you!), it's not particularly often with respect to the frequency of sex it would take to 'wear your vagina out' IMO.

Also consider how you masturbate. If you masturbate using dildos, that may contribute to a normalized 'looser' feeling as your vaginal tissues are being regularly stretched from the self-pounding. If you masturbate via clitoral stimulation or internally using just fingers, that's not going to put much stretching pressure on your vagina at all.

re: the porn star. Seconding that his perspective may be biased by having copious sex with women who've had to become experts at loosening and preemptively relaxing their vaginas in order to accommodate their 'coworkers'. That obviously doesn't account for other the men's observations though.
posted by human ecologist at 11:28 AM on January 16

Just my two cents, but I think sex only 1-2 times monthly allows for enough time for that tightness to return. While that's a good regular frequency of sex (yay you!), it's not particularly often with respect to the frequency of sex it would take to 'wear your vagina out' IMO.

Again, you cannot wear out a vagina. That is not how vaginas work. A dildo will not stretch anything out. If that were the case, how would women's vaginas bounce back after childbirth? A friend of mine who literally cannot count how many women he's slept with told me that there is no discernible difference in the vaginal tightness of women who've had kids and those who have not.

To the OP: I doubt anything is wrong with you. If you're actually worried, make an appointment with a gynecologist. They will answer your questions far more accurately than anyone on the internet. I also would not read too much into what dudes say before, after, during, or regarding sex. I'm sure that you were asking a real question and not posting an AskMe humblebrag, but you're sort of veering into that territory (said as nicely as possible).
posted by ablazingsaddle at 11:37 AM on January 16 [5 favorites]

@ablazingsaddle. Re: my 'wear your vagina out' comment. That phrase was in quotes for a reason, so no need to flame my perspective as misogynistically ignorant. To clarify, this comment was made in line with Jilder's proposed understanding of vaginal functioning -- that the perceived "tightness" is not a function of how much sex you have had, but is rather a function of how strong that muscle group is... It's not meant to reflect a suggestion of "damage" to the vaginal canal... Hence, my questions regarding exercise and masturbation style.

FWIW, I've had partners (long-term relationships with regular sex) comment that they've noticed when I've been using dildos lately. In one relationship these comments were made with the intent of shaming, but other times it appeared to be just guys making observations about their experience with me and sex. Those other times it wasn't "gee what a loose, used up vagina you have" so much as "I can tell you've been horny lately, how shall we step it up?" So yeah, IME frequent use of dildos appears to temporarily sustain a relaxed or sated vaginal state that goes away with abstaining from masturbation. To say that a vagina has loosened or relaxed is not to say that it has become loose permanently (that latter perspective being the misogynistic one).

Again, my comments were not made with any intention of contributing towards sexual shaming of women so much as an earnest attempt to provide dithmer with some data that she might use to make sense of her superpowered personal phenomenon.
posted by human ecologist at 1:15 PM on January 16

See your GYN, dithmar. It's probably just stronger pelvic-floor muscles, but you definitely want to rule out the possibility of vaginal constriction.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:58 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

Could it be a natural change in your cycle? For example, if you went off or on birth control. I was under the impression that the vagina slightly changes shape around menstruation and ovulation.
posted by quincunx at 2:47 PM on January 16