Help me deal with a (crazy?) ex.
January 13, 2013 9:48 PM Subscribe
LTR ended without a word. We're going to have to see each other a lot. How should I handle this?
posted by sevensnowflakes to human relations (34 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a grad student in my late twenties. About two months ago, my year-long relationship ended abruptly. As in one morning, I got out of his bed and left to start a normal day, and after I left that morning he never spoke to me again.
Prior to that he had been telling me he loved me and we had plans to move in together. While at that time, we were going through a rough patch due to lots of stress brought on by external circumstances, I in no way saw that coming. There were no conversations or explanations of any kind (not even a text). I wrote him a short email a week of total silence later (I sent him a single text during that week and received no reply) letting him know that I wanted to come and get my things; no response. He dropped my things off with one of my friends a few days later.
Obviously, this has been very difficult for me but I've picked myself up, come to grips with this as best I can, and have begun moving on with my life. The problem is that we're in the same graduate program (I know) and we participate in a major student activity together (I know). Over the next several months we are going to have to see each other very frequently in connection with that activity, starting in the next few days.
How do I handle this? I've never dealt with a person like this before and I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. We will be in a relatively small group when we see each other - less than 20 people - so it isn't as though we'll be able to ignore one another. I've never been through something like this before, and all of my girlfriends are shaking their heads. All agree that his behavior has been bizarre and unbelievably cold. No one seems to have seen anything like it before.
I'd be willing to bet that a good portion of our grad-program social circle doesn't even currently know that we are broken up, as his own, personal friends didn't seem to know even weeks later (were texting me, contacting me on social media, asking me questions about him). I've been living a normal single life - going out on my own with friends, telling people I was no longer dating him when it came up, etc - but since all of this happened just before final exams, people have been focused on work and then on the holidays, so I'm sure the grapevine has been a bit slower than usual.
I'm also a little afraid of what my reaction to seeing him will be, as all of this did quite a number on me. I feel much stronger than I did a month ago, and am hopeful and happy about moving into my future without a person I now understand to be toxic, but I'm still licking my wounds. Any advice on how to prepare and comport myself going forward would be welcomed.