How do I handle a friend who is potentially messing up my love life?
December 13, 2012 7:44 AM Subscribe
My date canceled on me because he's best friends with a guy who is in love with me...even though I have absolutely no feelings for said friend and I've told him so. How do I handle this?
posted by mlk915 to human relations (64 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
So, I've been friends with a guy (we'll call him C) for over a year. It became obvious he had feelings for me pretty quickly and we had to have a "define the relationship" talk because I have no romantic feelings towards him at all. He said he understood and was fine with just being friends. C has also told me he just wants me to be happy and if it's not with him, that's fine. He'd rather be friends than nothing at all and he's been a great friend (even though we've had to have 3 "DTR" talks because he kept acting like a boyfriend and not a friend).
Time goes on and he introduces me to one of his friends (we'll call him B). All three of us are good friends now and B knows how C feels about me. Just recently, B asked me out on a date. I accepted. I am attracted to B and want to try this out. Note that I have a hard time dating because I've been hurt many times in the past, as we all have, and it's kind of a big deal when I want to go out with someone. I was excited to say the least.
B calls and I answer thinking we're going to plan our date, but instead, B cancels the date and says he just can't go out on a date with me knowing how C feels about me (they are really good friends and C told B recently that he still had "hope" for us).
Of course I'm disappointed and I can't help being upset with C. I am starting to resent C and feel like he is blocking me from potentially being with a really great guy. I never dated C so it's not like we're ex's or anything. I'm not sure how to handle this situation as B does not want me to say anything to C about him asking me on a date. B doesn't want to hurt C. But I feel like C should know about this, as I was really excited for this date and C inadvertently ruined it for me. I feel like if C was truly a friend and authentically wanted me to be happy, that I should be able to tell him about this and that he should give B and I his blessing (even though I don't think I NEED his blessing, C doesn't own me). I do understand that B doesn't want to hurt his friend. I'm just not sure what to do. Do I tell C that this happened and risk him getting upset with B...and then B getting upset with me for telling C? On the other hand, the other outcome is I tell C, he understands, and tells B it's fine and we get our date. Either way, I feel like C needs to know, but I just don't know how to tell him and I don't want to mess up C and B's friendship.