I graduated college recently, and the change has made something obvious to me: my not-so-hot dating life and my good-but-needs-improvement friend circle are one in the same problem. I didn’t have a really hard time meeting interesting people in school, a small number of whom became friends. But even so, I didn’t make things stick as often as I’d like. My school friends are all great but aren’t confidantes, the kind I could call at midnight to get burritos and bitch about life with- I only have one of those, and he lives far away. I think this same lack of sticky-ness is keeping me from getting laid sometimes too, and so I’m asking something very specific. I don’t
need someone telling me to join a club or post personals on craigslist or something; I’ve done those and they’re good but not the answer.
What I need to figure out is how to make deeper relationships, especially now that I’m not in school. I have mad small talk game for an introvert, but what transpires between the “hey, you’re into X? me too!” part, and the “omg bffs 4ever”/”I lurve you” part is a mystery. I don’t need a lot of acquaintances, I have them already and they’re nice. What I lack is about 2 or 3 really close friends. I’m not great at bonding without structure (like dorms and classes) and I’m just picky, a typical INTJ
, and I don’t find myself really drawn to many people. I usually conclude that I'm cool and the people I know are cool, so it’s a lot of random bad luck, but there has to be something I haven't thought of that I can do to up my chances of finding and connecting with the people who could be best friends and lovers.
(That said, I am open to any new advice for meeting people, as long as it's a little more out of the box than "join a club")