Help me get to the bone zone
December 3, 2012 12:55 PM Subscribe
The guy I'm dating has no problems maintaining an erection during oral sex, but once we start to have vaginal sex, he loses his erection almost instantly. We've never talked about it or acknowledged it, and I don't know how to talk to him about it.
posted by anonymous to human relations (28 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I've been dating a very nice, very sweet guy for about 2-3 months. We postponed PIV sex for a while and limited our physical intimacy to fingering and fellatio, with no issues.
In the past couple of weeks, we've tried to have sex, but once we start, he loses his erection and it takes about 10-15 minutes to come back, even if I go down on him. He doesn't really acknowledge it or apologize, but he does usually start fingering me to make sure I'm somewhat satisfied.
We're both sort of shy pandas/socially awkward penguins, so I have no idea how to discuss this without hurting his feelings or striking a blow to his manhood. What do I even say? "Hey dude, what's up with your dick?!"
Some possible contributing factors:
- he's a bit overweight, probably by about 40-50 pounds at least, but he doesn't seemed ashamed of his body.
- he can't grow facial hair (I don't know if that's an indicator of low testosterone levels)
- we are both in our mid-twenties
- the problem occurs regardless of what position we're in. we usually start with me on top or in missionary.
- he has very little pubic hair, and I'm basically a wildebeest, but I shave/trim. I wonder if my stubble is turning him off?
I do not know how to bring this up with him. Should I talk to him while we're in bed, or in a neutral location and time? What do I say? I don't even know where to begin. I think that whatever's going on must be psychological rather than physical, because he didn't have problems with oral sex. However, I have noticed that since we've started trying to have sex, he's been able to get an erection with oral sex, but he's no longer able to reach orgasm. Oy.