We're no strangers to love / You know the rules and so do I
October 24, 2012 7:11 AM Subscribe
How to properly pursue a budding romance when hoping for some kind of fairly serious relationship. Difficulty level: I am young and foolish and what is this.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (6 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I'm heterosexual, male, quite introverted, in my mid-twenties and things are pretty good. I feel fulfilled and happy in almost every regard. I guess I must have figured that this was a too-boring way to live life because I just started dating a coworker.
The good news is that after getting along well as friends during the day, and now two weeks spending various kinds of time together outside of work, everything seems great so far. We have a tremendous amount in common and it feels really comfortable; she really seems like a kindred spirit. We're both pretty straightforward (if slighly shy) people, and we've managed to make it clear that there is quite a bit of mutual interest. An appropriate and growing amount of physicalness is occurring. I can hardly complain.
However, I find myself anxious. It's been years since I had a relationship that lasted more than a few months; my primary mode of operation is to be single for a while and then have a brief fling with someone whenever there's some mutual physical attraction, which usually fizzles out. The reason it fizzles out is that frankly, throughout my life so far, I just haven't met that many people I liked a lot, and that's been true for women, too. I am naturally very content mostly independently of other humans.
This one is sort of different. I'm not afraid of rejection, or of forthcoming workplace awkwardness; I'm nervous that I'll screw up my chance to have a meaningful connection with this woman who I deeply respect. I know there are many fish in the sea, but empirically speaking I don't actually find that many fish in the sea. I don't know what kind of advice is applicable here, but if anyone who is wiser than me wants to put any good ideas in my head it would be great.
So: Is there anything I can do to help give this thing the chance it deserves? And a slightly more concrete question: short of dating other equally-awesome women simultaneously or fast-forwarding time by one or two months, is there a way to think that will help me calm down right now about the outcome? I'm normally not super-anxious about dating anymore, but this time the tension won't stay away, and I could do without it.