Why did she tell me she was raped?
October 24, 2012 7:50 AM Subscribe
The girl I've been dating for two months told me she was raped five years ago. What could be her motivation for telling me now?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (47 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
After two months and nine dates (including an overnight at her place without sex), the girl I'm dating confided in me one evening at my apartment that she was raped five years earlier while in college. She told me that she had never been able to have a healthy sexual or romantic relationship with a man since her rape, until she met me. She said that I am a good person, that I showed her it's possible for her to perhaps love again, and to be open to a sexual relationship down the road.
I was supportive, thanking her for trusting me enough to share this with me and asked if there were anything I could do to be even more supportive and in her corner. She said that she would need time and my patience as she discusses this new development (dating me, being interested in an LTR) with her therapist.
Then she said something along the lines of this:
I am just really grateful that I met you and that you'll be there for me, although I may end up deciding that I'd rather explore my dating options now that I might be ready instead of settling with the first guy I am attracted to.
I said that I understand and appreciate her honesty and gave her a hug. She said not to contact her until she contacts me first, which could be a few weeks at least. She thanked me again and then she left.
I really like this girl. I would wait months if I have to, because she is just one of those rare good people you meet who are worth waiting for.
I feel conflicted, however: on the one hand she cares about me and trusts me enough to share this experience with me, but on the other wants to keep her dating options open, as if I were just a friend and not the man she has been going out with for the last six or seven weeks or talking on the phone for hours on end.
This thread provided some perspective before I wrote this: http://ask.metafilter.com/174696/Why-did-she-tell-me-she-was-raped
I want to do the right thing, but what is it?