So...should we sit down tomorrow at 5:30 to talk about forever, maybe?
September 27, 2012 9:30 AM Subscribe
How, exactly, did you start discussing marriage with the person you married?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (67 answers total) 38 users marked this as a favorite
I am not asking about how you proposed- though if that is the first time you starting talking about marriage, definitely feel free to share! What I am interested in is hearing how, exactly, you brought up and started discussing marriage* with the person you ended up marrying**. Did you joke about it? Casually drop it into conversation one day? Sit them down to have a Very Serious Conversation about it? Schedule a wedding date in his or her day planner? What form, and how long, did that conversation take?
I am asking for selfish purposes, of course. I love my significant other. Very much. And I've been mulling the idea of marrying them for a while now, and decided that I like the idea. Very much. But! I am having a hard time articulating what is in my head to the outside world. We have actually joked about marrying each other for some time, and we engage in long-term planning, so I know that they are not going to freak out over this conversation (even if the answer is "not right now"). But talking about this is making me nervous, because this seems like a big deal. And big deals make me anxious. And anxiety makes me a little avoidant, because I start psyching myself out and thinking that I shouldn't mess this up or say the wrong thing or bring up the topic at the wrong time. And then I get nervous all over again! The truth, though, is that while I am in no rush and feel that we have all the time in the world, I also would actually like to have this conversation at some point, and don't want to push it off indefinitely.
So: what did your conversation look like? Are there best practices here, or should one just jump in and see what happens?
* I am interested here in hearing about how you brought up the idea of marrying your spouse to your spouse, not about how you brought up the idea of marriage in general, or abstract, terms.
** This question is also open to anyone in civil unions or lifelong partnerships that might not be recognized by current marriage laws.