Happiness, you confuse me
September 26, 2012 1:19 PM Subscribe
How do I deal with happiness during the bad times when I find it confusing?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (7 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Dearest hive mind, help me clear something up (a little).
I'm currently in counselling, which I started attending after my marriage started to break down (we're in couples' counselling too, and are now reasonably stable from day to day, and can at least get by without screaming rows). In counselling I'm dealing with a lot of painful realisations about my marriage and how it's been working - or at least how it's been going along whilst appearing from the outside to be working - over the last few years.
At the moment, every time I have counselling, something painful and intense will come up, sometimes relating to my marriage, sometimes relating to my childhood (which in turn informs my thinking about some of my marital problems). It often leaves me drained after a session. That's easy enough to cope with, given a decent support network (which I have).
What I'm finding hard to cope with are the good times. There are so many things happening pretty much daily at the moment that range from bad to really-fucking-terrible that I'm used to them, and I have coping strategies. However, the good days, the ones where my spouse and I are truly, uninhibitedly happy together, really throw me for a loop, because they seem so alien to me. They happen maybe once a week or less, but when they do occur I find myself questioning all my motives for receiving counselling: am I making everything up? Are things really that bad? Am I just being heartless, trying to use counselling as a way to get out of my marriage? Shouldn't I just quit my whining and get on with things? Why do I need counselling anyway?
When the bad times return, which they invariably do, I feel more stable, as though I know the path that I need to tread, but when the good times happen I feel rudderless. Are there any coping strategies that you can suggest for this (I've spoken to my therapist about it and his advice was pretty much to try and enjoy the good times without questioning them, which is fair enough but doesn't seem to have helped much).
(My therapist has also suggested that it might be a good idea for me to try antidepressants of some sort, but I need to be referred for that).