My counsellor tells me that I need to stop enabling my wife's anxieties; my wife tells me that my not sharing what I'm talking about in counselling sessions is making her anxious. How do I square this circle?
I've been having counselling for a couple of months after a bad summer (more details here
). I think that it's genuinely helping me to understand why I've ended up in the situation that I have, and it's helped me start to see beyond it a little bit.
However, the fact that I'm in private counselling is taking its toll on my wife. She's become increasingly anxious to find out what I'm talking about in the sessions, especially where it pertains to our marriage. This is understandable - after all, I started going because I wanted to understand what had lead me to be unfaithful to her. Now, however, she is making repeated attempts to get me to discuss what goes on in the sessions, even though I've explained that a lot of it is still very raw and I'm not ready to talk about it outside a safe environment yet.
Most recently, my wife told me that she'd considered driving to the counselling office whilst I was scheduled to be in a session to see if I was in fact having an affair with my counsellor.
How can I try and soothe my wife's anxieties without disclosing stuff that I'm just not ready to disclose yet? I've asked my counsellor this question; she tells me that I need to gently but firmly make clear that this is my business, but that doesn't feel like I'm being fair.
Am I being a bad husband by having individual counselling and not sharing the results immediately?