No more mojo, please.

August 3, 2005 12:58 PM

I want to lose my mojo.

Someone just asked how to recover his sex drive, but I'd like to lose mine. I'm not really attracting anyone, so my mojo's not doing me any good. I'm just wasting too much time...shakin' my bacon. I'm not ashamed of it, just frustrated at the lost time. Are there efficient methods to lessen a young man's need for titillation? Things I should include in my diet? Ways to fight the urge to download a few videos?

posted by NickDouglas to sports, hobbies, & recreation (26 comments total)

Many antidepressants (e.g., Prozac) are well-known for their side-effect of decreasing libido.
posted by matildaben at 1:02 PM on August 3, 2005

I heard that armies put saltpeiter or something like that in the food they served soldures to reduce sex drive.
posted by delmoi at 1:10 PM on August 3, 2005

Be careful of what you wish for...
posted by black8 at 1:24 PM on August 3, 2005

How much time lost are we talking about here? Two-three times a week, day, hour?
posted by haqspan at 1:32 PM on August 3, 2005

Why suppress it? Just enjoy it while you have it.
posted by randomstriker at 1:35 PM on August 3, 2005

Do not mock your elders, priapic youngster.
posted by mecran01 at 1:42 PM on August 3, 2005

re: the anti-depressants. That side effect is completely an individual thing. I took Prozac for awhile and had no such side effects.
posted by Eekacat at 1:55 PM on August 3, 2005

Yeah, don't take anti-depressants just to reduce your sex drive, it probably wouldn't work.

Instead of telling you that I think you should enjoy your healthy self-love, I'll instead tell you to take 5HTP, a serotonin precursor. Can be found at any health food store.
posted by Specklet at 2:01 PM on August 3, 2005

Shut up.
posted by greasy_skillet at 2:09 PM on August 3, 2005

I took Lexapro, and was still horny but unable to orgasm. I have heard that complaint from others as well concerning SSRIs. Perhaps those meds are not the best solution, but they do take away desire for some, so ymmv. If you were considering taking them, you should also examine their other possible side effects (for example, weight gain).

Also do NOT take Wellbutrin. That has been known to increase sex drive in some people (it's an anti-depressant but not an SSRI).
posted by veronitron at 2:20 PM on August 3, 2005

Lie back and think of England?
posted by loquacious at 2:20 PM on August 3, 2005

Nick,
There really isn't anything that is going to work 100% or at all. I suggest instead that you treat your bacon shakin' as a health/self-maintenence issue and try to get good at rubbing one out in a brisk and perfunctory fashion. Look at it like training for a sport or something. Then just get to it. It's good for you, btw. I mean sometimes you can take a break and really treat yourself to a "date" but otherwise treat it like cleaning your ears, zip zip zip.

Also, someone is willing to have sex with you, you just have to track them down. As the wise old forklift operator at the bronze foundry I used to work at said "People WILL fuck".
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:34 PM on August 3, 2005

Saltpeter as an anaphrodesiac is just another Victorian sham.

"Saltpeter, has been used in boys' schools and in the army to reduce sexual desires. However, saltpeter is only a diuretic, causing frequent urination. First, it was used to deal with physical fevers. From this, someone decided that it might also reduce "sexual fevers." Of course, if a guy is spending all of his time going to the bathroom, he probably won't be too occupied with sex."

Googling anaphrodesiac brings up a few hits. A cursory glance rings my suspicionometer. Sorry, no personal experience on supressing desire other than to rub one out. I figure the time I spend relieving the pressure is more than recovered in productivity.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 2:59 PM on August 3, 2005

I think many people here (maybe not purposefully in all cases) are answering this question too simply. I'm not even going to comment on "lie back and think of England," because I'm not the type to give callouts -- but PLEASE!

A bunch of you are saying things like "Why try to kill it? Just find someone to sleep with." I do share that feeling. In other words, there's something perverse about hearing that someone wants to kill his sex drive -- it almost sounds like wanting to cut off a leg or something. But I understand his predicament, because I used to share it.

I was pretty much without a girlfriend until my late 20s. It was HORRIBLE. I just couldn't get a girlfriend no matter what I tried. And I had TONS of close female friends. I was the "nice guy" type that they all complained to about their boyfriends.

Now I am married and happy to stay with my spouse. Yet if I were single again, I'm very confident that I could now find someone.

So I look back at those lonely years with puzzlement. WHY couldn't I get a girlfriend? I'm still not sure of the answer. It was clearly something wrong with the younger me, but to this day I'm not sure what it was. (And a certain amount of it is pure luck -- and SOMEONE has to get unlucky.)

I was always geeky, but I know geeks with girlfriends. And I LITERALLY never even had a date in high school. Not one. I certainly don't have bad hygiene or anything. And, like I said, I was reasonably popular in the platonic sense.

If I had to go back and coach the younger me, I would probably be able to come up with all sorts of advice -- confidence, better wardrobe, etc. But at the time I was really clueless about how to solve the problem. I just knew that there WAS a problem and it seemed unsolvable.

And people who tried to "help" me generally gave me similar advice to the advice here. It was advice that started from the assumption that "there's someone for everyone," and that if you're not dating or sexual, you're just not trying hard enough. This may be true, but I didn't know WHAT to try. And no one was able to give me advice that worked.

I bring this all up because it IS possible for someone to not be able to get a girlfriend/boyfriend (or even to get "laid" -- like I said, I couldn't even get a single date). And what is someone like that SUPPOSED to do with their sex drive?

I wish I had the answer. My best solution was just to throw myself into as many complex projects as possible. Sometimes this worked. Other times I wound up wallowing in loneliness and self-pity. Those years -- about 15 of them -- were pretty much non-stop agony. And I OFTEN wished I could kill my desire for companionship.

The last thing I will say is that they older you get, the more chances you DO have to find someone (for sex or for deeper companionship). I finally got married at 30, and it's been great. And it's actually been much better for me than for almost everyone I know who dated like crazy in their teens and 20s. This is little solace, I know, when you're going through it. But I think the odds ARE in your favor if stay in the game long enough.
posted by grumblebee at 3:04 PM on August 3, 2005

Purpleporpoise - there are more hits for the correct spelling which is anaphrodisiac.
posted by altolinguistic at 3:07 PM on August 3, 2005

I heard that armies put saltpeiter or something like that in the food they served soldures to reduce sex drive.
posted by delmoi at 1:10 PM PST on August 3

Please stop answering questions with answers that are 100% wrong.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 3:49 PM on August 3, 2005

Optimus Chyme - I absolutely do not fault delmoi - I too, heard that saltpeter was used to inhibit sexual desire; it was only after looking it up that I realized that it was untrue, fwiw.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 4:08 PM on August 3, 2005

Well, he also popped up in the iPod thread saying batteries cost $99. I think the comment might be re: that.
posted by yerfatma at 5:00 PM on August 3, 2005

Times I've "gone through dry spells," I found my libido decreased quite well all on its own. No nooky = no horny.

Re: anorgasmia - I've never been a slacker in the she-comes-first department, but this anorgasmia thing (celexa) has led to entirely new vistas of delight. Multiple orgasms, which feel entirely like the real thing sans squirt, for starters; and a wife who, as she's hitting her roaring forties primo years, thinks this is all the best thing since discovering the sexual side-effects of pot-smoking. I love this sexual "dysfunction" of mine!
posted by five fresh fish at 5:00 PM on August 3, 2005

Finasteride (Propecia) does a drop kick to many guy's libidos. And you'd be insuring yourself against hair loss as a "side effect".
posted by 4easypayments at 10:44 PM on August 3, 2005

How ironic is it that the leading anti-hair-loss medicine is a libido killer...
posted by gen at 10:52 PM on August 3, 2005

Sorry. "Lie back and think of England" wasn't appropriate, but I was actually kind of serious. Figure out what doesn't turn you on. Or find a distraction. And use it.

Meditate. I mean, seriously. Don't just hapzardly ponder your navel, seriously take up Zen-Buddhist meditation with discipline. It does wonders for becoming aware of and then controlling your urges. And it has a bunch of beneficial side effects like self awareness and stress relief, which most prescription drugs can't honestly make claims to.

Exercise. A lot. Train for a Triathalon or bike tour. Take up running.

Otherwise, enjoy it and be a guiltless sexual being. Love yourself. If you won't, who will? Seriously! Enjoy it while you can. If it makes you feel good, it's not a waste of time. It's probably the most tangibly sublime and real thing any of us ever have.

But none of these things help with real loneliness. Sexuality doesn't equal companionship. You honestly want sex? Be sexy. Very little is less sexy than neediness and unmitigated want, which is different than lust or desire. You have to be sexy and confident in your own sexiness and desires. And you have to be honest with yourself and your desires.

And you can be sexy regardless of body type, ability, handicap, or anything else. Sexy is mental. If you're physically capable of rubbing one out, you can 'turn on' mentally and be sexy and channel that energy into something attractive, damn any percieved superficial aesthetics.
posted by loquacious at 1:33 AM on August 4, 2005

grumblebee: Since when have you been me? That all sounds very familiar!

NickDouglas: You haven't said how old you are; it's possible that you may "grow" out of it as you age. Have you tried casual encounters (e.g. via Craigslist) - may be more satisfying for yourself, and you may meet someone. You could be up-front and honest, too, stating that you've got a mad-high libido that needs "servicing"...
posted by Chunder at 2:15 AM on August 4, 2005

I gave this a shot several years ago, as the libido seemed more like a crutch . I'll tell you this much, don't follow any recommendations for white willow bark. it's essentially the same as aspirin but even more harmful to the stomach.

I'll second the exercise recommendation. Running 30+ miles a week effectively kills the "nagging" aspect of my libido, but I'm still able to enjoy things at the appropriate times.
posted by yorick at 6:24 PM on August 4, 2005

Get something different to do that distracts you?

(I've never understood the big deal over sex anyhoo. Sure, it's natural, but it's not the only thing out there...why fuss?)
posted by divabat at 9:52 PM on August 5, 2005

Sorry, that just made me laugh! But seriously, the exercising advice sounds like the best option since it would give other benefits.
posted by parallax7d at 12:28 PM on August 7, 2005