Help me not screw up my life!
July 14, 2012 12:32 AM Subscribe
I got fired from two of my three jobs for absenteeism. For some reason, when I get stressed out in life, I get so down that it's hard to go in. I get sick to my stomach and anxious, it's like I have a panic attack at just the thought of going in.
posted by Autumn to Work & Money (22 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
This time it was relationship problems. My partner and I fought all the time, and sometimes I wouldn't get enough sleep because we'd stay up fighting. It started off with me calling off because I felt miserable at not getting enough sleep, but escalated to me calling off whenever we had a big fight because I was so distraught that my relationship was failing and felt miserable at some of the things said in the relationship.
It got to the point where I felt embarrassed and ashamed to even call in because I'd let them down so many times before. That's how I lost the first job - I no called no showed three times.
The second one, there was a little bit of hope but it was too late. I hadn't discussed my personal life before because I was afraid of being judged. The manager sat me down and told me if I called off one more time I'd be fired. He asked what was going on and I admitted to dealing with personal problems. He said I should discuss taking a leave with my section manager. However, he also mentioned that my productivity that day was poor (I'd had a hard time just coming in and felt like I was going to cry at the drop of a hat. I hadn't told anyone though so it probably looked like I was just slacking off.) I felt so ashamed and so horrible for letting my coworkers down, and I felt so depressed at even being to the point that I had one more call off and I was done that I left right after the talk and didn't come in the next day. I haven't been able to go back since because I've felt too ashamed, plus I know as soon as I go on I'll be fired.
My question is - how can I prevent this from happening in the future? How can I go in to work anyway when I feel so horrible? I want to be resilient and learn how to handle stress better. I feel like I've wasted some great opportunities, lowered people's opinions of me and let people down. This has been a pattern in my life, only before it was something low stakes like school.
I don't understand why this happens with me or why it seems so difficult to complete my responsibilities when I have personal issues going on. I'll get sick to my stomach at the thought of even going in to work, hyperventilate and feel like I'm having a mini panic attack. At first I would feel better once I got in the car. Now I can be fully dressed, ready to go, outside, and still not bring myself to go in.
I know that to be truly productive in society I need to learn how to get past this. But how?! I managed to force myself to go in anyway and it worked for awhile, but then after a particularly bad fight with my girlfriend I wanted to call off. She helped me go in anyway, I was miserable and close to tears the entire time I was there thinking about our relationship falling apart and left after two hours. I then didn't go in for almost a week because I was so afraid of that happening again. It's gotten extremely bad in the past two weeks; I've barely worked at all. Before it would happen for a day or two, then a few would go by and then I'd be fine, then there would be another day or two I'd feel this way. But now, and this is probably because my relationship is hanging on by a thread, it's a struggle every single day to go to work.
Has anyone had any similar experiences? I'm desperate to put an end to this pattern.
I'm seeing a psychiatrist already and they're setting me up with a therapist soon. What are some other things I can do to stop this pattern? I still have one job, thankfully, but I just took a huge income/opportunity cut for no reason other than I couldn't handle life stress. Help!!