Is love worth the risk?
July 12, 2012 7:49 AM Subscribe
Relationshipfilter : is this a recipe for disaster, or do I need to learn to accept more risk?
posted by HopperFan to human relations (33 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I ended my LTR this past March, and soon afterwards, ended up having what I *thought* was a fling with someone who'd been a classmate of mine. Neither one of us were interested in a relationship - he'd ended a 4 year relationship the past October, and had decided to not get wrapped up with another while he was still in school. I was planning on finally enjoying being single for the first time in quite some time. (4 years for my relationship, too.)
Fast forward to now - we moved in together. (!) Yes, we're in an exclusive relationship. Things are freaking awesome. We communicate exceptionally well, have lots of common interests, and are extremely compatible sexually. The L-word was declared abut two months in, by both parties. :) He's funny, kind, thoughtful, my cats love him, you name it. We love our new place and have all kinds of fun playing records, decorating, dancing around, cooking food together - it's probably the best relationship I've been in. We even argue well, and it never lasts long.
So what's the problem? There are a couple, mainly due to Problem 1 : age difference. I'm 13 years older than him. (38/25) Initially, it weirded us out a bit. However, his last partner was 7 years older than him, so he says it doesn't bother him.
So the age difference is fine, but:
1. We're both in school. He's finishing his first degree, I'm working on my second. He's a full time student, so he'll be finishing in two semesters, ie. next May. He doesn't know where he'll be after that - he's considering grad school. So am I, but my graduation is further off (I work full time), and I'm not sure where I'd want to go.
2. He's not sure if he ever wants kids. Understandable, but I don't have a lot of time left to have them, if I decide it's something I want.
I get scared that I'm setting myself up for heartbreak, but then I think - well, this relationship is only 3.5 months along, I'm probably taking this a bit too seriously. We talked about this yesterday, and he said that while he couldn't say what would happen, he wanted to share as much of his life with me as possible. He wasn't sure if he'd want me to try to come with him if he left for grad school etc..., "Let's see what happens between now and then." Sounds reasonable, right? My brain automatically turns this into "He's going to leave you, flee while you still can!"
So the question is : what would you do? I feel like I'm in a relationship that has a looming expiration date on it, i.e. after he graduates.