How to get over feelings of betrayal and build trust again in my marriage.
June 21, 2012 7:15 AM Subscribe
I want to get over feelings of betrayal and build trust again in my marriage. How do I bring it up to my husband?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (25 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I love my husband and he tells me and shows me he loves me. I've been married for almost 2 years and up until now I had complete trust in my husband. Over the last few months I've been feeling cheated on and an overall sense of betrayal. I found out he had been keeping a few relationships with other women under wraps and this overwhelmed me with feelings of insecurity and caused me to be more vigilant. I found evidence of a couple of women in particular and confronted him about it for some answers. He explained the circumstances and details and although it was not physical cheating, the lies felt like emotional cheating to me and a loss of trust and loyalty. After much talking we came to a solution that felt a little more comfortable to me, but I've had trouble forgiving him.
He's a good husband to me and is making an effort to show he is trustworthy again, but I can't shake the feeling of betrayal. This has caused me to take a closer look his relationships and ask questions. I don't know if they are friendly or just ambiguous for a reason. There is one relationship in particular I am having an uncomfortable gut feeling about. My husband has known her for at least a year and he has never mentioned going out with her alone. I don't know her personally, but I've seen him ask her to call him when she's having a bad day and he's also gone to her house to drop off cookies when she was down in the dumps. She extends invitations to him, but not to me. It makes me wonder if she even knows I exist! He enjoys the concern she shows for him when he has a bad day and he in turn feels compelled to return the favor and over time building a deeper friendship that worries me.
I recently found out from a credible source that my husband and said friend had gone out together, but I don't know how many times. When asking him directly he denied it. So the thoughts in my head are whether he is saying the truth or I misread something. It's a snowball of self doubt and feelings of mistrust. I've done gender comparison thinking about how I would feel if this was a man and not a woman he was establishing an intimate friendship with and I think I'd feel the same if he simply denied spending time with someone.
Any experiences shared will be very helpful. Many thanks in advance.