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June 14, 2012 1:52 PM   Subscribe

I've gotta stop having a crush on my friend or stop seeing her entirely.

Hey y'all. I'm looking for some advice on what to do with a girl I'm pretty much kinda sorta in love with.

I met a girl a dating website about 9 months ago, and after a month of dating and some making out, she told me she just didn't want to be in a relationship. I said okay, I understand, and in the last 8 months we've become good friends with no kissing. But the attraction and the crush never really went away, and recently, it's gotten bad. Just today she was complaining about being forever alone and told me she still doesn't want to be in any relationship.

I really, really like this girl, but always feel like crap the next day when I realize she's not going to reciprocate, which is kind of insane. It seems like I should be able to just appreciate her friendship, which is super important for me, partially because I have a hard time making friends I'm this close to. We talk everyday and see eachother for hours on end a couple of days a week, and always have a great time. So, what do I do?

1) Just stop responding to her
2) Tell her I have a crush on her, and need to stop hanging out for a while until I'm able to get this under control
3) Kill my emotions? Somehow? And figure out how to be satisfied with just her friendship?

I'm waaay to old to be having crushes on friends still, and I'm feeling childish and immature. Any thoughts? Been in a similar situation that you were able to sort?

Oh, it's probably relevant that I have dated anyone in 6 years. I'm really bad at this stuff, so there may be some of that going on here too. We're both in our late 20's.
posted by OrangeDrink to Human Relations (44 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
No one is too old to be having crushes on friends, or on anyone - crushes are like random acts of God. You can't control who you are attracted to, but you can control what to do about it.

For you, sadly, the answer is probably 1) - if you feel like crap after being around her, you probably shouldn't be around her.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 1:56 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just today she was complaining about being forever alone and told me she still doesn't want to be in any relationship.

She loves having you on a hook. I would bet everything in my pocket right now that she already knows that you have that crush on her. She's not your friend. And you will never be able to convince her that you're the best option for her. Dump her, and don't even bother telling her.
posted by Etrigan at 1:57 PM on June 14, 2012 [42 favorites]


Withdraw. It doesn't have to be permanent or complete, but if you're spending hours on end a couple of times a week, you're going to want to scale that way back.
posted by infinitywaltz at 1:59 PM on June 14, 2012


Stop seeing her, she's friend-zoned you. You stop seeing her because eventually she's going to meet someone and renegs on the "I'm not interested in a relationship right now" bit, and you'll be crushed and upset and still single. Spend your energy and time looking for someone else who is actually interested in you.
posted by lizbunny at 2:00 PM on June 14, 2012 [20 favorites]


This has worked for me but this advice has horrified others in the past:

Crushing on someone requires a certain amount of storytelling and fantasy on the part of the crusher. You probably can't help being attracted to her but that is different than imagining being with her, fantasizing about being a couple, thinking "if only she'd be with me, etc. The biggie is putting yourself in "the boyfriend role." You can probably imagine what that involves. The point is, she probably knows you have a crush on her and likes it and likes you as a friend obviously. That doesn't make her a bad person. You can stop seeing her. But you can also get real with yourself about the way you think about her. Crush your fantasies, she is your friend now.
posted by Katine at 2:00 PM on June 14, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'll start with the TL;DR answer: There's no way that you can be friends with this girl. No way. You need to end the friendship now.

I don't think anyone has done anything wrong; there's just an asymmetry in your feelings. However, honestly at this point, she's not being a good friend to you. You sound like someone who's interested in having a relationship with the right person, but when a relationship with this girl in your brain, there's no way that you can find a relationship with someone else.

You just need to be honest with her. Explain to her that your feelings are stronger than her's and, for that reason, you can't be in a friendship with her. Maybe down the road (like, a year down the road), you might be able to restart a friendship but not now. For now, you just need to cut yourself off from her and start looking for someone else. This is obviously tremendously hard, but I think it's what your heart needs.

Good luck!
posted by Betelgeuse at 2:00 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


I think the best option is

4) Get out and meet women who are interested in you, who want to have a sexual and romantic relationship with you, and then maybe you and your gf can get together with this lady now and then for pizza.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:00 PM on June 14, 2012 [17 favorites]


I'm waaay to old to be having crushes on friends still, and I'm feeling childish and immature.

It's not like having a crush a friend. It's like still have feelings for an ex. You dated. She broke up with you. And you haven't gotten over her yet, but tried to be friends.

I vote for option 2) with the caveat that you shouldn't get in contact with her again, until you have fallen hard for someone else, who has also fallen for you.
posted by nooneyouknow at 2:01 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Have you considered the slight possibility that maybe she's aware you're attracted to her and encourages it simply because she likes the attention? I hesitate to ascribe negative motives to somebody I don't know (so please don't just assume you're being used without empirical evidence to back it up), but with the amount of time you two spend hanging out with each other it's hard to believe she wouldn't have picked up on this.

I think option #2 is the best way to handle this. I don't think it's immature at all to have a crush, as long as you admit it and deal with it in an responsible and adult way. She's your friend, and if that friendship is genuinely meaningful you should be there for her and not "disappear" simply because you don't get to sleep with her. But by the same token, she needs to be sensitive to your feelings and give you the space you need to get her out of your head.

For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. I'm sure a lot of guys have been in permutations of this situation before, so you're definitely not alone in feeling this.
posted by wolfdreams01 at 2:03 PM on June 14, 2012 [5 favorites]


I always really really hated it when I would break up with people and they would say "Oh, I want to be friends" but they didn't really want to be friends and then when I started seeing someone else they would disappear. It made me feel like my friendship was worth nothing, and that I was only valued if I could be fucked.

That said, your time machine isn't working, so I can't tell you to go back and only ask to stay friends if you really are ready to be friends. If it's not feasible for you, be honest, even if it's going to hurt her feelings. Sometimes people's feelings get hurt, and it doesn't always have to be yours.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:06 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Whoa, hold up people. You can want be friends with someone and know that they have a crush on you - and not "love" anything about their crush and not be like evilly relishing "having them on a hook." I have a male friend who has had a crush on me since we were 8, and he's awesome, but I don't hang out with him unless he has a girlfriend at the time so he has someone else to focus romantic energies on. The only option is not being friends at all, and that sucks, because lifelong friends don't grow on trees.

Is it so impossible, just because she's a girl, that maybe in the same way as the OP she has a hard time making friends who are this close?


So OP, I think that may be kind of the crux of the problem here. I think you may be fixating on this one girl out of the sense that this kind of relationship you have with her is something so rare you can only find it every six years.

I do think it's a good idea to end contact but just temporarily until you meet someone else. And in the meantime work on the things that have been stopping you from meeting people and making those kinds of connections. Any thoughts as to what those roadblocks might be?
posted by cairdeas at 2:09 PM on June 14, 2012 [17 favorites]


I think you can be friends with someone you developed a friendship with over time. I think you can be friends with someone you dated and broke up with. I think it's very, very rare to start off with someone you wanted to date (eg, by meeting through a dating website) and then decide that you don't want to date this person, you want to be friends with them.

Don't necessarily end the friendship, but disengage, socialize elsewhere and with other people, and possibly revisit this person later when and if you've flushed the hormones out of your system.
posted by deanc at 2:14 PM on June 14, 2012


So, when she says she's foreveralone and yadda-yadda, ask her if she wants to fuck. If she says no, then let her go. So: yes to #1, no to #2 (you don't tell someone you have a crush, you just act on it), and #3 is impossible. If she asks you why you aren't around anymore or whatever, tell her you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to. If you've taken my advice, she'll be able to remember back to the last time you guys hung out and she turned you down when you asked if she wanted to get down. Two and two will add themselves up.

And I've been here, my advice comes from that experience. "Shit or get off the pot." Rip the bandaid off, put yourself out there to be turned down, don't put all your eggs in one basket. I'd have to say that after 8mos of friends that you probably aren't going to get more than FWB or pityfuck out of it, though. If that's OK with you, then so be it, but you should use that as your last gasp at determining chemistry.
posted by rhizome at 2:17 PM on June 14, 2012 [4 favorites]


I really, really like this girl, but always feel like crap the next day when I realize she's not going to reciprocate, which is kind of insane.

Not insane. Totally normal.

Oh, it's probably relevant that I have dated anyone in 6 years.

Talk about burying the lede. I hope you're still trying to online date? Think about it this way -- you've already proven that you can meet someone cool on a dating site. Keep trying to till you meet someone who likes you back.

Seriously, your options are:
- Stop hanging out with her
- Pine after her indefinitely
- Watch your feeling for her disappear when you meet someone new.

Good luck!
posted by no regrets, coyote at 2:19 PM on June 14, 2012


Dump her. She doesn't like you "in that way", but she likes the emotional support you provide. She knows you like like her, so she knows she can use you for it without any of your needs getting met.

I like rhizome's advice: give her a chance to help you get your needs met in the relationship, and if she won't, at least she'll know what you need from her to continue the relationship in the future. Naturally, "what you need" might change depending on your relationship status, outside of your relationship with her.
posted by supercres at 2:24 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


2) Tell her I have a crush on her, and need to stop hanging out for a while until I'm able to get this under control

that's the move for you. Don't hang on, give yourself some breathing room to get over this woman. You can't do that in close proximity to her.

Then look into the reasons for your love avoidance.
posted by Ironmouth at 2:27 PM on June 14, 2012


She's not evil for being your friend and you're not a sap for wanting more. We don't get to control who we like or don't like.

But we can control our behavior, and this sounds untenable. I think you need to at least scale things back for now. If you can, be honest with her. Tell her that you have feelings for her and that you'd hoped you could just be friends but it's not working for you at the moment. This way she has the chance to let you know if she's interested in giving it another shot, but in the (sadly likely) event that she isn't, you both get to keep your dignity intact.

Then stop hanging out with her for a while. Maybe you can be friends in the future, but for now, it's probably best if you're not.
posted by the essence of class and fanciness at 2:32 PM on June 14, 2012 [8 favorites]


Number 2.

Then number 1.
posted by vitabellosi at 2:39 PM on June 14, 2012


And then number 4!
posted by vitabellosi at 2:40 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


I just also want to say OP that in your post you come off as very cool and genuinely nice. Whatever your roadblocks are in getting dates, I think your genuinely cool and nice personality is a huge asset that you have. So I just want to say, I think it would be good to try to retain that no matter what you decide to do in that situation. There are some extremely bitter attitudes towards women in this thread and if you take those on, even if it helps in the short term in converting your frustration and pain into anger and resentment at this girl, it will be the strongest repellent ever to other women. So if you end up ending the friendship, try to do it with kindness and without needing to turn her into some kind of selfish using harpy in your mind.
posted by cairdeas at 2:43 PM on June 14, 2012 [17 favorites]


Just today she was complaining about being forever alone and told me she still doesn't want to be in any relationship.

I know that feel, bro. Take it from me, that means she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. She's going to break your heart if you don't move on. I know it's going to hurt like hell, but the sooner you do it, the better.
posted by empath at 2:47 PM on June 14, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm a woman but I've been in this situation with a guy. I kinda lied to myself and told myself I wasn't interested either. Then he got a girlfriend. I cut him off cold, both of us were hurt. These things don't work: you cannot hang out with someone you're crushing on and just stop crushing.
posted by sweetkid at 3:41 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


#2 worked for me. YMMV.
posted by yeolcoatl at 4:28 PM on June 14, 2012


I think I would need to know why she doesn't want a relationship. If there is a practical, non-neurotic reason, that's one thing. If not, then I think calling her on it is appropriate. The next time she complains of loneliness, state clearly you are still attracted and would like to be more than friends. If she turns you down, either tell her you can't do this anymore and move on or let her know it isn't appropriate to make that particular complaint to you anymore because it amounts to spitting in your face and a friend shouldn't do that.
posted by Michele in California at 5:34 PM on June 14, 2012


I'm not a Bro, so I'm definitely not Your Bro, but: Run, Bro.
posted by mhoye at 5:43 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Way too old to have crushes?! I've got a lot of years on you, and it still happens. Maybe I just outed myself as Head Dork of the Over-45's.
posted by Gusaroo at 6:00 PM on June 14, 2012


Way too old to have crushes?! I've got a lot of years on you, and it still happens. Maybe I just outed myself as Head Dork of the Over-45's.
posted by Gusaroo at 8:00 PM on June 14

57 here. And if it's a real tall gal, or a real short gal -- or most any freckled-up gal with red hair, oh man -- I'm like as not to crush on her, and have to run. So do I get to be Head Dork then?
posted by dancestoblue at 6:16 PM on June 14, 2012


Sometimes people use "friendship" to keep someone on the hook. Sometimes people seem to transition from dating to friends with minimal drama. I don't know which camp she's in. But it doesn't really matter - what matters is that this has become a bad situation for you. Your interest is focused on her, so you probably aren't making an effort to find someone new, and as you say you feel worse after seeing her.

So stop seeing her for a while. Whether or not you tell her why is up to you. Give yourself at least 6 months, and maybe brush off the okc profile. Do whatever you need to do to perk yourself up and feel your sexy best (haircut? new shirt?) and get out there.

Good luck. And you aren't the only person this happens to, so don't be so hard on yourself. If finding love was easy the self-help section would be much smaller.
posted by bunderful at 6:50 PM on June 14, 2012


I think I would need to know why she doesn't want a relationship. If there is a practical, non-neurotic reason, that's one thing.

How about, "Because I don't want to be romantically and sexually involved with you"? She may not be handling the situation as skillfully and compassionately as she could, but "she doesn't want to be the OP's girlfriend" does not automatically mean "she's a heartless, scheming harpy".

Sheesh.

My advice, from having been the girl whose guy friend really really really wanted to be boyfriend-girlfriend, but who really really really just wanted to be friends: Option 2. Take a break. Meet other people (both men and women) and make new friends, try some new activities, date other women. But don't keep hanging around her silently yearning for her to somehow wake up and realize *bing!* she's been wrong and she wants to be with you. Because that's almost certainly not going to happen (file under "bad ideas from romantic comedies that should be buried forever").

What is likely to happen is that whether you and she wind up dating/sleeping together or not, the friendship you currently have will be ruined (speaking from experience and regret here).
posted by Lexica at 7:03 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm waaay to old to be having crushes on friends still, and I'm feeling childish and immature.

You can have crushes at any age, it's called being alive.

I think it's really hard to be around someone who you like immensely and the other person doesn't like you as much - I have tended to just walk away (though it may take quite some effort and time on my part to do so) from that because *I'm* the one who's getting hurt, not them.
posted by mleigh at 7:54 PM on June 14, 2012


Wow, 30 years later, something I learned in college is going to come in handy. I took a zen Buddhism class and one of the things I remember the teacher saying was that Buddhist monks, when faced with urges around pretty girls say to themselves, "Girls have 9 holes and they are oozing out of every one of them." That pretty much creates a visual that shuts down the physical urges.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:00 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Your options are #1 and #2. You can decide what will work best as far as not hanging out with her anymore, but you definitely shouldn't hang out with her anymore.
posted by Ragged Richard at 8:08 PM on June 14, 2012


NOT 3

You need to find yourself another sexual partner, so your crush (it's more than that, isn't it?) can ease into being Best Friend.

You have to consider what situation they're in. Maybe they really like you as a friend but not more. How are they going to feel when you spill your heart out, and how uncomfortable will it be for them?

But then again, she sounds moody. Damn, but that "slim chance" bullshit keeps one hanging around, doesn't it? Maybe you really shouldn't like her all that much?
posted by porpoise at 9:12 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well, you're never too old for crushes - I can't quite take the crown from dancestoblue, but it's close, so don't even consider that.

I don't think there's anything wrong as such with having a crush on a friend, whether or not it's reciprocated. How you deal with it can be problematic, though. It sounds like the two of you are close enough that you can be honest in letter her know that you have feelings that go beyond friendship so that, if she ever does decide that she feels the same way, it's worth mentioning rather than have both of you crushing on each other unknowingly. Unless and until that happens, though, you will need to suppress those feelings when you are around her and I think you need to reduce the amount of time you spend with her for a while to help you adjust. You don't mention whether you are male or female, which might have a bearing on how hard it is to make this adjustment (or I could be a sexist idiot to assume that men are more used to repressing attractiveness towards female friends). Maybe stick to e-mail for a week or two?

I hear you with regard to how hard it can be to make close friends and truly close friends are important enough that they're worth doing a bit of work for. I hope this works out for you.
posted by dg at 9:31 PM on June 14, 2012


She doesn't want you, specifically. You need a break from her, at the very least. I kind of think you're thinking you've got a shot here, you know, sometime in the future, when she wants a relationship, and that's what's causing you this pain. But you're not going to be able to get over it until you get away from her.
posted by J. Wilson at 9:40 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Aw, you're never too old for a crush. At least, I hope not.

However, I say that you should do:

4. None of the above.

All of your options contribute to putting lots and lots of weight on your relationship with her. With due respect to a special friendship that is undoubtedly a source of happiness and companionship: she is just one of many good relationships you can and will have. Your friendship with her is just one of the many good experiences in your life that you can and will have.

Put her into perspective. Continue your relationship with her, but widen your social circle and expand your experiences. Dress up a little bit more. Smile a little more. Spend a little more time talking with new people you meet. Go to every party you're invited to, and make a point of talking to people and trying all the drinks. Invite someone interesting you know out to chat over coffee. Is there anything adventurous you've always wanted to do, but haven't gotten around to? Do that thing. Is there anything really beautiful you've ever wanted to see? Go see it. Is there anything really cool you've ever wanted to make? Go make it. There was a MeFite recently who made a giant list of interesting projects to work on, big and small. Make such a list, and do each task diligently and with complete attention to what you are doing. Come back after six months of doing that and tell us if she's still the center of your universe. If she is, well, then maybe it's time to cut her off. But I'll bet she isn't.

I am telling you to do this is because this is how I got over someone I thought I would never get over. Best of luck to you! The world is strange, tragic, amazing and beautiful. Don't let one woman eclipse all of that for you.
posted by rhythm and booze at 9:52 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


I want to emphasize that in doing all these things, you don't have to force yourself to get over her. That just feeds the obsession. Recognize that you have feelings for her, but move forward with your life. The time that heals wounds tends to pass in terms of experiences gained, not seconds elapsed. So go out and get those experiences.
posted by rhythm and booze at 9:55 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Crushes take feeding. She may be feeding it, or you may be in the habit of casual flirtation or just not enforcing boundaries in a way that's feeding it too. You can stop it, though, if you want.

Examples of not feeding a crush:
1. Her: "Oh, you'd be such a good boyfriend!" You: "Ehhhh... you know, I'd rather not think of our friendship like that. I'm just trying to be a good friend."
2. Don't do the (physical) things that make you notice you're attracted to her: sit farther away, don't snuggle, cursory hugs and not friendly ones, don't dance together, don't go swimming together if you'll be tempted to check her out.
3. As much as possible, don't allow yourself to wonder and daydream about her getting interested someday. Stop yourself in the middle, shake your head, try to be a bit appalled - "What? Her? No way, she just wants to be my friend and it's awful for me to think about her that way". Try to call up the same feelings you'd have if you found yourself daydreaming about someone related to you, or married to your best friend, or otherwise horrifying to you.

Some of this may be helped, as you guess, by finding somewhere else to be / something else to do for a while, so that when you come back you can be friendly and not have to explain why suddenly you want to sit on the other sofa instead of right up next to her. And if you're seeing each other all the time, I'd say definitely do less of that.

Oh and it's totally possible that, when you stop being her fake boyfriend, she'll stop being as interested in spending time with you. Having someone treat you like you're his dream girl / girlfriend without any reciprocal effort required from you is GREAT. But for your own psychological well-being you need to kill this dynamic.
posted by Lady Li at 11:40 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Do this: Tell her how you feel then move on. Try not to think about why it isn't working and don't try to read anything into it. Just step out of the situation as gracefully as possible. That's all there is to do. Drink a few beers and watch some bad TV. You will grow a bit and after a while you'll realize you can't solve a problem that has no answer.
posted by grizzly at 12:34 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


My favorite advice for such situations:
Chris Rock's bit on "Women and Their Platonic Friends".

"You know what a platonic friend is to a woman? It's like a dick in a glass case. In case of emergency, break glass!"

My friend, you are the proverbial dick in a glass case. And she knows you're interested (I guarantee) and she's sitting there being all angst-y about "being forever alone" to you, and I'm sorry, but that is just cruel.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 1:04 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]


" My advice, from having been the girl whose guy
friend really really really wanted to be
boyfriend-girlfriend, but who really really really
just wanted to be friends: Option 2. Take a
break. Meet other people (both men and
women) and make new friends, try some new activities, date other women. But don't keep
hanging around her silently yearning for her to
somehow wake up and realize *bing!* she's
been wrong and she wants to be with you.
Because that's almost certainly not going to
happen (file under "bad ideas from romantic comedies that should be buried forever")."

May I just say OMG. THIS.

Having also been that woman, I have got to ask myself why she would moan about being single and lonely to *you*. That's what *he* did to *me* and he also taunted me for not understanding that singleness is next to loneliness for *most* people who aren't *cruelly withholding ice princesses*. He had four girlfriends during the six years I knew him. Know how many dates I had? Not even relationships, but mere dates? The usual. None. Was this a source of pain to me? Overwhelmingly yes. Did I ever mention any aspect of my romantic life or lack thereof, or the pain it caused me, even once in those six years? Even to push back against his cruel taunting?

Of course not. I'm not a monster. So why would she be talking about this to you? I don't think she's a very good friend.

Do yourself a favor and resolve not to want anyone who doesn't want you.
posted by tel3path at 3:00 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


You know, there have been many awesome comments on this thread so far and I don't know that I can add any extra wisdom. I just want to chime in as someone who is going through a very similar situation. I made my romantic feelings known to a good friend who, for whatever reason, either doesn't return them or is emotionally unavailable for a relationship. Does it hurt? Fuck yea. Now, to his credit, he has never put a move on me and in fact rejected an advance I made on him. Sucks ass. He has told me that he thinks I'm awesome and a beautiful woman. Go figure.

So what I have had to do is distance myself from this guy. Man, it is so hard. Of course, I want to know WHY. But I may never learn why, nor does it really matter at the end of the day. I'm trying to put myself out there and meet other people who will want to be with my "awesome and beautiful" self. ;) Either way, opening myself up to new possibilities with new people is a win-win situation, because if (hypothetically) my friend changes his mind about wanting to be with me, then great! And even if he doesn't, getting myself out there and meeting a new guy who thinks I'm the bees knees is even better.
posted by strelitzia at 9:45 AM on June 15, 2012


1) Just stop responding to her
2) Tell her I have a crush on her, and need to stop hanging out for a while until I'm able to get this under control


Combination of these two. Do a slow fade. You shouldn't need to tell her exactly why - just don't respond as often. Be busy (and actually be busy - this is a good chance to cultivate some new hobbies or whatever) when she wants to do stuff. That sort of thing. Don't treat it like game-playing - just sort of shuffle her down the list of priorities in your life a little.

What I think is that you're basically on the hook here and it's not really anyone's fault. I doubt she realizes she's doing it and I doubt her intentions are bad, but the end result is the same regardless.

There are two things which feel like tells to me, and here they are:

It seems like I should be able to just appreciate her friendship

Part of what's driving you is that you're allowing the word "should" to drive your decisions when it comes to emotions. This is not a great idea.

after a month of dating and some making out, she told me she just didn't want to be in a relationship. I said okay, I understand, and in the last 8 months we've become good friends with no kissing. But the attraction and the crush never really went away, and recently, it's gotten bad. Just today she was complaining about being forever alone and told me she still doesn't want to be in any relationship.


This is why I think you're on the hook: She's someone who says she doesn't want to be in a relationship when what she means is that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, and on some level, a part of you is waiting for the day when she does want that, whether you're consciously aware of this or not.

If I were you, I'd just start maintaining some space and allowing that space to widen as needed. There's no bad guy here but your current dynamic isn't a healthy one.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:00 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


Thanks everyone. It's not what I wanted to hear, but it is what I needed to hear! Transitioning initiated!
posted by OrangeDrink at 2:17 PM on June 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


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