Tale of two Dudes.
October 17, 2011 11:06 AM Subscribe
Help me sort out this ridiculous dating situation. Please.
posted by floweredfish to human relations (30 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
So. After doing quite a bit of soul-searching lately after one failed relationship attempt after another, I finally made the consicous decision to remove my online dating profile from the internets. This was a very wise choice and I'm glad I made that decision to just take a breather. However, I'm now suddenly finding myself living in a dating-type of hornets nest. I'm looking for some advice and/or anecdotes on how to manage this situation or about a time where you were in a similar situation and things actually worked out for the best and future.
I'm a woman in my thirties, and I've just absolutely had it up to my eyeballs with online dating. It's ridiculous and I'm sick of feeling like everything is so forced and sped up. I'm exhausted. Anyway, I made the decision to pull the plug on my dating profile once and for all and just be me and love myself, my friends and my family and life in general. This was extremely liberating and feels very healthy! As a result, I feel like the quality of life around in chez floweredfish is just awesome and life is in an incredible state of affairs. Great!
Enter the hornet's nest.
Recently I had two guy friends on two seperate occasions in the past month and a half, right around pretty much the weekspan tell me that they had crushes on me. Where I had not really even considered dating either one of them before, and neither are really the physical type I'm attracted to, after a little bit of thought I figured why the hell not and have been going on dates with both. I've been seeing them both for the 6 weeks or so and it's been pretty awesome. I've told them both that I need to take things super ultra slow and they are both respectful of this.
The issue is that I know that eventually I'm going to have to make a decision and have no intentions of leading them on, but I'm also not ready to decide yet, because I can't. I hope that this is ok and part of the process, but I could honestly see myself in a LTR with either of them. They're both funny, sweet, active, smart, have their lives in order for the most part and have a ton of common interests with me. I have fun with both of them and dearly care for them both (hey, both started off as friends of mine after all!). The other issue is that they are acquaintences and knew each other before I entered the friends group. However, what I'm learning though is that I don't think they really like each other, so this just adds an extra wrench in the works. There's been a bit of other-guy bashing that's been entering a few of our conversations lately over dinner.
I've kissed them both and that's the extent of any of that, and I've made the decision to refrain from sex until I've been dating someone for a good solid 6 months, because frankly, I'm done it for awhile and really want solid intimacy in my next relationship. FWIW however, one is a horrific kisser and the other one is a ridiculously good kisser. The horrible kisser I have more non-kissing fun with and he's quirky and hilarious. The amazing kisser comes across as dead creepy if you don't know him well at all, but once you get under the hood, he's a very quietly charming guy who I feel very comfortable around and can be my unhinged self and he doesn't think I'm crazy.
Any advice on how to manage this situation? I'm not ready to be labeled as anyone's girlfriend and I'm sure that my decision will be clear in time (hopefully?). Has anyone been in this situation before? How about some anecdotes from your past or stories of similar where the relationship that eventually bloomed actually worked out for the long haul? My goal for my next relationship is to settle down and get married and be ridiculously happy for the rest of my life. I am in zero rush to do this or have kids by the way, and if I were to end up with either of these dudes, I know I would be ridiculously happy with either. Yes, I know that this is a good problem to have, but I just don't to crush too many souls in the process.