Seeing a guy who is moving at the end of summer. Had sex on first date. Should I continue things or terminate entirely?
May 24, 2012 2:50 AM Subscribe
The quick and dirty: I'm seeing a guy. We slept on the first date, he brought up dating exclusively and we were both in earnest, mutual agreement that neither of us were looking for a FWB type of deal. Caveat: He's moving at the end of the summer. How best to proceed? Details behind the cut to fill in the blanks...
posted by chloe.gelsomino to Human Relations (22 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
And, the extended, not-so-quick and dirty to the best of my abilities:
We met via online dating site; a week of innocuous messages led to a great first date that ended with romp in the hay and a healthy amount of post-coital cuddling. He is divorced (LTR --> marriage --> divorce after cheating spouse). I am 8 months out of a 6 year LTR as a result of somewhat similar circumstances.
While there is no scientific method of proving or disproving the following, I am more inclined than not to believe that he is not in the market for a casual fuck. However, it is obvious that the chances of a LTR is slim (if not dismal), as he is moving to another state within a few months. He did bring up the issue of exclusive dating, something it seems he feels goes hand in hand with sleeping together, and "seeing where things go." As far as stereotypes and superlatives go, he is just unequivocally an all around "good" guy. Very forthcoming, honest, sincere.
So, here we are two dates in, with a third date set for this week. He brought up coming over to my neighborhood this Friday; but, he called tonight to amend plans. He forgot that he had made plans with a friend to attend a baseball game, but would be free to come over to my place later (give or take 10PMish). Apologized and said he didn't want to make it sound or feel like a booty call. I was, admittedly, a bit taken aback and in the moment, I said I'd still like to see him and that would be fine.
Obviously, some hours have passed and the idea isn't sitting too well with me. I know there have been many iterations of such stories, so I appreciate any and all feedback.
The pertinent issues:
a) Should I cancel Friday entirely? Assuming his story passes the shit test, is it plausible that his intentions have changed (e.g. seeing this as FWB rather than some beginnings of what could be a fruitful relationship)? FYI, we live a fair distance apart from one another.
b) I realize that sex changes everything. Enough girlfriends have chastised me for it. Yes, this is my first foray into the dating world. I'm in my mid-late twenties and have been in monogamous, LTRs since I was 17. Again, LTR chances are slim. Should I request that we transition this into a FWB while my emotional investment in this is nominal?
c) Does this warrant another awkward conversation between both parties? The previous conversation pretty much covered the aforementioned (not looking for a fuck buddy; we both like one another and want to continue seeing each other), so I'm not sure what another one of these conversations would entail.