How to be at peace with being a wallflower
April 24, 2012 7:51 AM Subscribe
Help me get in a good frame of mind for a night out this weekend.
posted by shiu mai baby to human relations (35 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
This weekend is the bachelorette party for a dear friend of mine. Thankfully, we're not talking penis tiaras and tacky male strippers or anything; what we are talking about is a pre-party at another friend's house, followed by a night out clubbing. And here is where my anxieties kick in.
I am not a clubber by any stretch of the imagination. I do not dance because I am overweight, and feel utterly ridiculous and horrifically self-conscious on the dancefloor. The concept of hitting the town and going to some fabulous club makes me squeamish, because clubs, especially the ones downtown, are populated mostly by the super-hot and super-young and super-thin singles, and I am none of those. FWIW, I'm also happily married for over 15 years, so the singles meat-market aspect of it is the least troubling aspect. Thank god I'm not looking for a hook-up.
Anyway, I'm going because I love my friend and I want to celebrate her impending nuptials, and so I'm trying to figure out how to get my mind in a decent spot so I'll have a good time.
I had a similar experience a few months ago, where some business associates and I hit an ultra swanky club in Chicago, and while I enjoyed it just from an observational point of view, I had to repeatedly refuse my friends and colleagues who were wanting me to get up and dance, because this was the kind of place where it felt like if I did, one of the Marcellus Wallace bouncers would come up to me, take me by the elbow and hide me away so I don't embarrass all the beautiful people. I mean, one of the sales guys had payed several hundred dollars for us to have this exclusive booth, and yet I was worried about not being hot enough to be there.
Anyway, I feel like it's going to be the same situation this weekend. I will be (mostly) fine just sitting on the sidelines, nursing a drink and checking Twitter while my friends dance their asses off, but I have zero interest in being on the dancefloor because I am mortified by the thought of dancing. I would bet a million dollars that I'm going to have to stave off the same kind of cajoling from these friends as well. And then the bride will stress out that I'm not having a good time, or that I'll be seen like I'm some kind of drag or whatever, and I don't want that, either.
So basically, I'm looking for some perspective. Advice. Whatever. I've toyed with the idea of shooting a quick e-mail to my friend, telling her that I'm really excited about going out this weekend and celebrating her, but also that I don't want her to worry about it if I don't dance. I don't know.
As I said: perspective would be very much appreciated here, most especially from people who have body image issues. If you've been thin all your life, you can tell me that people don't really care about how other people look on the dance floor, but, to be brutally honest, I don't know how much I can believe you when you haven't been on this side of the scale.