I have enough male friends.
March 18, 2012 6:24 AM Subscribe
Men love being my friend but not dating me. Am I doing something wrong?
posted by unannihilated to Human Relations (48 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
My dating history is the same story over and over. Men tell me they think I'm just great but they don't feel a spark for me. Then they want to be friends with me. I've practically got a harem of male friends that I've made this way.
My last two long-term relationships ended this way. After a hiatus working on some things I've been casually dating again and the pattern persists.
Also the proportion of male friends I make to men who ask me on dates is crazy skewed.
This is getting ridiculous.
I'm very direct when I'm interested so that's not an issue. I'm of average attractiveness (30, normal weight, decent face, etc.). I will admit I don't dress super feminine but I usually wear form-fitting clothes and lip gloss and earrings.
I recently broke down read several books such as The Rules, Why Men Love Bitches, He's Just Not that Into You, You Lost Him at Hello.
I felt ridiculous reading them, but what I'm doing is clearly not working. Could there be something to the central premise of these books? Namely, that I'm not being mysterious enough and providing enough of a challenge? (You know, being too available, having sex too early, being too nice. I don't think I'm a doormat, but yes, I answer calls and texts on time and try to split the check. If I feel like having sex early on I will. Sometimes I don't.) That I'm too much of a buddy and not enough of a woman? (Concentrating on cracking jokes instead of looking good. Initiating dates and calls and sex.)
As these men are now my friends, I often press them for details after things have cooled down, and they insist there's really nothing about me they could point to that made a difference. I've also asked them about some of the stuff in the books, and they insist that it's bunk, but maybe it's just that when it's put into such concrete terms it seems ridiculous to them.
Help, MeFites. I'm out of ideas, and there's got to be something to this pattern.