Help me not screw things up
March 10, 2012 8:53 AM Subscribe
How can I keep being my confident and independent self around men I'm seriously interested in?
posted by unannihilated to Human Relations (9 answers total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
Sorry if this question's been asked before, but it's hard to search for.
When I start liking a guy (not casually like prior to making a date, but seriously when it comes to being exclusive and other serious milestones), my behavior changes. I become more obsessive about what he's doing and analyzing things he's said, I find myself daydreaming about him instead of working or reading, I censor myself more in conversation when I'm around him because I'm worried that I'm going to say something stupid (and thus end up not saying as much), I find myself hesitant to make lots of plans in case he wants to see me, I become more self conscious and down on my appearance and body.
I have even done this within relationships. I have a bad history with it. It mostly pops up when I'm feeling insecure about things and really care about how they work out.
I don't want to be like this. I recognize it's the exact opposite of attractive. Normally I'm very independent, confident, and outgoing and men like me. How do I maintain that when I start to fall for someone or I'm worried about where things are headed?
I've read Why Men Love Bitches and found it helpful. But I'm wondering if anyone has any other specific strategies to share. I don't want to follow some prescribed stuff like the Rules. I want my behavior to come from an organic place of confidence. (But if there are any good fake it till you make it tips that's good too.)