How to communicate in a new relationship
January 12, 2012 7:23 PM Subscribe
New relationship - how and when do I bring up the "serious" relationship conversations?
posted by anonymous to human relations (16 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a guy in my early 30s, she's a few years older. We're still somewhat newly dating (almost 1.5 months in) and so far it's been absolutely fantastic. We met through mutual friends and hit it off right away - we click very well conversation-wise, there's definite mutual attraction, etc. Overall I've been kind of blown away by how easy and simple dating has been with her - no games, no drama, just two people having fun and enjoying the experience.
We seem to be settling into a fairly regular pattern - seeing each other as time permits (maybe once or twice a week, usually on weekends) and calling/texting in between to say "hi" and finalize plans for the next date. Conversation is usually pretty light, although it sometimes gets a tad more serious - like her wondering about her career choices, or us talking about our issues/concerns we have with our respective families. We haven't dived into relationship histories too much, but I get the impression that she's had at least a couple of long-term relationships. I, on the other hand, am a bit of a late bloomer - I've dated around a fair bit and been in one or two hookup situations in the past couple of years, but haven't ever been in a serious relationship.
I should probably mention that things have become rather physical over the past few weeks and we've also started spending the night at each others house on occasion. Exclusivity has never been flat-out discussed, but I think it's definitely implied from both sides at this point.
I know it might be a bit early to say this, but I can really see this going somewhere long-term (and yes, ultimately I'm looking for a serious long-term relationship. I've had my fill of "casual" dating). She's smart, funny, beautiful, caring, and I feel really lucky to have found her. However, I'm having trouble telling if she feels the same way. My gut says she does to at least some extent, and the way she behaves around me would seem to go along with this, but still I'm not sure.
So here's my questions:
1. Should I ask her where she sees this relationship going, or wait a bit longer and let it develop more? For that matter, do we need to have this talk at all? If so, how do I bring it up without scaring her off? I don't want to do the dreaded "we need to talk", maybe there's some way that's a bit lighter/less serious-sounding?
2. Related - how do I bring up other "serious" conversations in a relationship, again without scaring anyone off? I can think of plenty others that could potentially come up in the future (assuming things keep going well): should we move in together, future plans (a *huge* one for me, as I might be moving for work sometime next year - although I guess that's another issue entirely), etc. Obviously it depends, but any general suggestions for approaching these sort of topics?
Thanks in advance :)