Help us meet in the middle.
December 16, 2011 8:31 PM Subscribe
How can we ease our long-distance communication woes?
posted by queens86 to Human Relations (13 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 or 5 months, 2 1/2 of which have been long distance (across the country). We were together up until the first week of October when we parted, and in general our relationship is very very good. We get along great, we communicate really well and we barely fought up until the last two weeks or so.
We have both been extremely busy lately-- him at his new job where his projects are picking up and he has been taking work home every night, and I've been working 60-hour weeks. He has a pretty active social life as well, and all of this combined with a 3-hour time difference has begun to put some stress on our relationship.
We've started fighting about how often we talk, which I hate because I always have felt like we have very similar communication needs. When we dated in the same city we spent all our time together, and when we were first long-distance we talked more or less every day, often for more than an hour. I realize that's a long time, but I like to stay in contact a lot and I believe he does too. It has always felt very natural, which was a huge relief after some past relationships where it was not.
I'm the one who gets upset about not being able to talk, and he said he is talking to me every free minute he has and he never feels like it's enough. We talked about this a lot last week and things have been good this week, even though he has gone out and not been able to talk much the last three nights. Tonight, I knew he wasn't going to be able to talk, but he called me when I got off work. We talked for about 20 mins and when I was about to walk into my house I asked him if he wanted to Skype for a few minutes, and he said he had to go. For some reason this upset me and we started to fight again.. we managed to stop after it got too out of hand but I am scared because I'm not sure it's getting better and he said he can't give me a time that things will get less busy. I had sort of assumed that this week he was especially busy, but he says he doesn't know.
I know because we are long-distance I have to be more patient and flexible, and I am trying to, and this week really has been better because we are both trying. Still, it's hard to not ever have him all to myself for a night, not to be able to be around him, and to have his full attention for a fraction of the time I'd have it if we were physically together. I don't expect him to stay in from a party to talk to me, but at the same time, it's hard to not get the attention I would get just because I am so far away, or to feel like I am not a priority in the same way. In my ideal world I'd like to Skype about an hour a day average (of course I know not every day), and talking on the phone is not quite the same as seeing his face to me.
What are some ways we can ease the stress of this? How can I stop myself from getting upset in the moment if he has to go? Is this normal for long-distance?