How do I enjoy my life again when I feel so alone?
December 8, 2011 11:02 AM Subscribe
How do I not feel so depressed when after years of trying I still don't fit in anywhere?
posted by biochemist to human relations (23 answers total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
I've posted about this many times before, but I just can't seem to make friends. I was teased a lot in High School, and I recently found a job where I thought my coworkers at least liked me. I commented to someone that they seemed nice, and she was surprised I thought that. She was like no, they talk about you behind your back and I defend you because you never know what someone's going through.
This isn't the first time that she's reported that people talk about me, but this time it seemed like she meant everybody where before it seemed like just a few people. And I guess I should expect it, since I hear them talk about other people too, but I'm guessing those people at least have friends or some positive human interaction in their life when they get home. I don't. I pretty much only have my partner, one friend who I never see because he lives too far away, and that's it.
I just don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to feel happy or have confidence in life when I feel like I'll never fit in anywhere. It most likely doesn't help that I'm really quiet and not because I'm shy or introverted, but because most of the time my brain isn't actively thinking of anything to say. People have told me, "Just say what's on your mind!" but half the time that has nothing to do with what's actually being said or it's like my brain just stops thinking while someone's talking to me. It's listening, but not actively producing any feedback.
Lately I've just been feeling like life isn't worth living because I don't think I'll ever have any friends to share it with. What's the point of having all these goals and accomplishments and such if in the end I'm alone? Therapy doesn't even seem to work because I've seen at least five different ones and nothing's helped.
I'm just asking how to be happy again when I feel like I'm back to being the teased outcast in High school, except now I've spent countless times trying my ass off to make friends and nothing has worked. I used to think that once I was older things would get better but now I feel like I'm going to go my entire life never really fitting in anywhere. I've been near-tears pretty much ever since she told me, and I went from being stressed but generally OK to just sad. I don't know how to have hope when I feel like I'm back at ground 0 as far as friendship goes. I just feel so lonely and depressed. My partner was showing me a funny conversation between her and a coworker last night and I just wanted to cry.
How do I pull myself out of this?