Ex-fiance, mutual interests, awkward interactions
November 9, 2011 7:08 PM Subscribe
How do I deal with seeing and interacting with my ex at this event? And, actually, how do I deal with the breakup in general?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (32 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Two months ago my ex-fiance, John, ended our relationship. He and I had been dating seriously for five years.
John and I had been having issues in our relationship for the last year, which I thought were largely due to temporary problems. I was finishing graduate school, and we were living in a group house with two of our friends -- Emily and Katie. In addition to just the stress of living in a group house in an expensive city, Katie (my best friend at the time) was creating a lot of tension in the living situation, because she was picking fights with John, but also she and John were having lengthy emotional conversations. In late-August, I had finished grad school and John and I moved to a new place; I assumed that that would lift the stress on the relationship.
John broke up with me a week after we moved in to the new apartment. John then immediately started dating my former best friend, Katie. This is shitty for multiple reasons (even aside from the obvious!): I lost two of my closest friends, and I was basically supporting John for the last year and am in credit card debt because of that. Also, John has written me emails trying to make me feel guilty that I don't want to be friends with him, and is contacting my friends (who were never our mutual friends!) to try to have conversations with them.
I am not really emotional about the breakup because we were having problems, and ultimately he and I were not good together. I am emotional (specifically: angry) about my ex-fiance breaking up with me to date my ex-best friend.
Recently, John saw through social media that I was going to attend an event that fell into our mutual interests. He also RSVPed to the event. I think it is poor etiquette on his part to do so because 1. it is creepy that he poached the event off of my social media profile! and 2. I don't want to see him, and he knows it. I already paid to go to the event and I do not want to cancel. At this event, I don't know if I should ignore him, talk to him, or run away if I see him approaching.
What should I do, metafilter? Also, how do I mentally deal with this? Most relationship-filter questions have answers that seem to concern being functional, taking time off, and "taking it one day at a time." I don't think I'm having trouble with those things -- I am generally happy, have a full life with great friends, and am getting everything done and moving forward. But I am still furious about this whole situation. Aside from this specific event, John, Katie, and I live in a smallish city and our interests/hobbies do overlap, and there is high likelihood that there will be other events (that he may or may not poach from my social media profiles!) that we overlap on. How can I deal with this maturely? (with the sidenote that I don't think that I have it in me yet to be 100% civil if they try to talk to me)
If relevant: We are all in our late-20s. I am not having any contact with John or Katie, but we do have mutual friends.