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Help a derby girl choose a name!
September 2, 2011 3:14 PM   Subscribe

Help me, Metafilter, you're my only hope... of coming up with a rad roller derby name! I keep coming up with names that make references that my friend don't get/think are funny - can you help me find a way to please both myself and the masses?

There comes a time in every roller girl's life when she needs to come up with a derby name for herself, and my time is now. Unfortunately, the names I've come up with have been mostly met with blank stares when I run them by people.

Examples:
Smarty Jonestown Massacre (my favorite)
Higgs Bosom
Fanny Dismae
Anna Wintorture
Tricia McKill'em
Dana Beretta
Brandy Alexander ("too stripper")
Busty Keaton (taken)

A bit about me: I'm originally from Philadelphia, but am currently in Los Angeles. I tend to prefer names with puns, book and movie references, important events or references to drinking (whiskey, specifically). At the moment my hair is auburn, but that's always subject to change. Ideally, I'll end up playing as a jammer, so names referencing fast things would also be be a plus.

Oh, and double plus points if you manage to use the word "bosom," because I really think that's one of the funniest words ever. Thanks so much!
posted by Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (36 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Pia Mess
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:30 PM on September 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


Well, in the same vein as Busty Keaton I thought of Humpme Bogart. But then I googled it and [turns safe search ON] apparently there is a porn star by that name.

I like the idea of using an old-timey actor pun, though.

Farley Painger
Shirley MacPain
Peril Flynn
Joan Left-Hook-to-the-Jawford
Hurt Lancaster
Yul-Be-Sorry Brenner
Hed-Butt Lamarr
posted by phunniemee at 3:30 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I think you already came up with it. Higgs Bosom. Anyone with a science background will understand the reference, and those who don't get the joke will just think it's a funny name.

Or you could make it "Hipps Bosom". It's pretty funny.
posted by santaliqueur at 3:31 PM on September 2, 2011 [9 favorites]


Seriously you've got some winners there in both Higgs Bosom and Smarty Jonestown Massacre.

Higgs Bosom is even topical you can wear a shirt saying "I Damn Well DO EXIST"
posted by bitdamaged at 3:35 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I liked Higgs Bosom immediately. (I'd never get Hipps Bosom, though.)

Smarty Jonestown Massacre requires your audience to get not one but two references — a racehorse from last decade (who may not be all that well-known) and a major tragedy from over thirty years ago. With Higgs Bosom, at least, you get the sciene nerds in one shot. And bosoms, of course.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 3:40 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ahh yes. I think capnsue had it right:
I only have one request, if you're going to go the "pun/wordplay" route ---BY GOD KEEP IT TO ONE PUN PER NAME! For example, I heard about someone kicking around the name Maryland MonRage. NONO! Maryland Monroe -- fine. Marylin MonRage -- fine I guess... Maryland MonRage -- ONE JOKE TOO MANY!
Sort of the same with historical references.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 3:42 PM on September 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


Yeah, I kind of love Higgs Bosom.
posted by olinerd at 3:43 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Katharine Hip-Burn
or better yet, Tawdry Hip-Burn
Her-My-Knee Pain-ger
Ruth Bader Wins-berg?

...or, better yet just go with Higgs Bosom, which is better than any of those.
posted by daisystomper at 3:46 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Pia Mess

Whups, I see that's massively over used.

How about Teanne Jam?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:53 PM on September 2, 2011


Anna Kaspinina
posted by cog_nate at 3:54 PM on September 2, 2011


Pacific Ass, and Eclectic.
Bosum Bloodies
Hate on Skates
Philadelphia Freakdom
Venus in Skates
The Brazilian Whacks
Mother Trucker
Fighty Whitey
Roll Out The Peril
Hellen Wheels
Bash Gordon
Sweet Home Alleyjamma
Cyndi Dropper
Pvt. Jessica Lynch Mob
Jennifer Anasskickin
Stop, Drop and Roll.
Mary, Queen of Shots
The Tennessee Traquilizer
Laura Petrified
Beaver Cleaver
Sarah Wailin
Leigh Marvin Gardens
Sugar and Spikes
Phineas J Whoopass
Amelia Tearapart
posted by timsteil at 3:55 PM on September 2, 2011 [4 favorites]


Before you suggest a name, make sure it's not taken (or isn't too similar to a name already taken). The database of derby girl names is here.

(Amelia TearYa'Part is from our league.)
posted by Lucinda at 4:00 PM on September 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Bosom Baddy

Bling Kong
Evil Beaver
Tonya Harding
DD Struction (pronounced like "double D struction)
posted by BadgerDoctor at 4:04 PM on September 2, 2011


my favorite local name is "Cheriff O' Swattinjam"
posted by daisystomper at 4:06 PM on September 2, 2011


Fishface
posted by mullacc at 4:06 PM on September 2, 2011


I don't think these are so out there. Of the ones you listed, I got (and loved):

Higgs Bosom
Anna Wintorture
Busty Keaton

I only got half the jonestown reference.

I also like DD Struction or Fishface, but prefer the 3 of yours I listed.
posted by User7 at 4:24 PM on September 2, 2011


The database of derby girl names is here.

Handy list.

Pig latin is seriously under-represented.

Itch Bay
Oob Bay

etc.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:26 PM on September 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


I vote for Higgs Bosom too. Wish I'd thought of it ... makes me want to find my skate key
posted by bebrave! at 4:27 PM on September 2, 2011


Hipps Boson is on the list Lucinda linked, or I'd vote for Higgs Bosom as well.

Bosom Lightyear
Bosom Inga!
posted by Monsieur Caution at 4:28 PM on September 2, 2011


Crusher Bosom
Nipple Cripple
Hitya Warey Splitya
posted by plinth at 4:47 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Bosom Fiend

Bruise'em Buddy

Gravity's Painglow

SuperCollider (just in case you have to deal with Hipps Boson)

Chick Xulub (after the giant impact crater)
posted by jamjam at 4:53 PM on September 2, 2011


Whoops, thanks Lucinda, I should have thought to link to the list of names that have already been taken.

I can't believe I didn't see that Hipps Boson was someone's name! And here I thought I had no similarity matches with that one. Alas.

I like some of these a lot, guys, keep 'em coming if you've got 'em :)
posted by Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld at 5:10 PM on September 2, 2011


Philly Cheese Stake.
Bosom Enemy
Toughie Bosom

but I think you've got it with Higgs Bosom
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:22 PM on September 2, 2011


I'd stay away from any names referencing being a jammer or being fast. With a few exceptions, everyone I've known who has had a name incorporating "speed" or some variant of it has been a notably slow skater.
posted by Fuego at 5:50 PM on September 2, 2011


If I were you I'd go by Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 6:14 PM on September 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


Q Ball

Lady Mondegreen
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:45 PM on September 2, 2011


Mons Krakatoa
posted by firstdrop at 7:00 PM on September 2, 2011


My favourite has always been Surly Temple.
posted by elizardbits at 7:13 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Borrowed from a friend who suggested it would be his drag name if he were into drag: Mariana Trench.
posted by Mo Nickels at 7:23 PM on September 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Barb LobLaw, apologies to Arrested Development

Mia Mortle

Heavy Judy

Laura Norder

Gaye Priest
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:31 PM on September 2, 2011


Sharon Needles
posted by theperfectcrime at 8:28 PM on September 2, 2011


I cannot believe no one has taken Anna Wintorture (It's not on the database list linked above). +1 for that, especially if you can find a bob wig and skate in giant sunglasses.
posted by kickingthecrap at 9:52 PM on September 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Oh, just have each team member write the name THEY want, and then battle it out on the boards. Last one standing, that's the name.
posted by davejay at 10:04 PM on September 2, 2011


Higgs Bosom. Hilarious.

or:

Bosom Boots
Bosom Like it Hot
Bosom Where Over the Rainbow
posted by enzymatic at 8:55 AM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]


I had to come up with a burlesque name recently, which is a related enough task that one suggestion for inspiration was to look at lists of roller derby names. I ended up with "Anathema Tart" after punching my full name into the Rearrangement Servant and throwing away a couple of less-inspiring words that were hanging out along with those two in the results. (Hint: use the advanced options and set the minimum word length to 3.)

Some people give me blank stares, some people love the name. It'll be like that with any reference.
posted by egypturnash at 1:53 AM on September 4, 2011


Knocked-Up and Horny

or maybe just: Knocked-Up
posted by uncanny hengeman at 4:33 AM on September 4, 2011


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