Too much sharing=resenment
August 30, 2011 5:05 PM Subscribe
How can my roommate and I share food fairly?
posted by queens86 to human relations (34 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I have been living with my cousin for the past two months or so in an apartment where we split rent. We have been fairly close all our lives and since we are cousins, we mostly have a "what's mine is yours" relationship (this is also how I prefer to operate in general, more or less.) We borrow each other's clothes, and she is generally generous with me (gives me rides sometimes since she drives and I don't; lets me wear her shoes; buys me little things like hangars when she goes shopping if she thinks I need them). I don't want to damage our relationship by being nit-picky. She is pretty laid-back and we haven't had any fights yet.
Okay, now the issue that is starting to bother me: We split food. Everything. This wouldn't be a huge issue, because we eat in a similar manner, but it's still a lot of little differences to negotiate (she likes creamy peanut butter ... fine, I'll eat it, but if I were to make the decision alone, I'd pick crunchy. Sort of petty, I know... but I like to feel a degree of control). Also, she is on food stamps. I am not. We're both looking for a job, but when we go shopping together, I give her my half in cash. I'd be spending the money anyway ... but still, it feels a little odd to me. I think if the situation were reversed, I'd feel strange accepting her money too.
We went shopping a couple weeks ago and she picked out a bunch of stuff that I would eat if it's in the house, but I never would have gone and bought it myself. I like to pick recipes, make a list, and cook, while she is more "just walk in and buy whatever." And she can, since she has a couple hundred free dollars a month for food.
I've on occasion bought expensive dinner ingredients and cooked for the two of us, and haven't asked her for reimbursement. It's not like it was a lot of times, but still... I'm starting to resent her over this even though I don't want to.
We could, I guess, just start splitting it all down the middle. The only issue there is that we do eat a lot of the same stuff, and it's easier to split a loaf of bread (for ex) between the two of us rather than each have one that will last us two + weeks. Also, I want to be able to cook for the two of us and not just me. I don't want a each-woman-for-her-own relationship, but this is starting to be just a tad too much sharing for me.
So, hivemind, enlighten me, what is the best situation? Practically, and, how do I say this to her to not cause strife or a fight between us? Am I just being petty/selfish and should keep my mouth shut?