I suck at blowjobs

August 18, 2011 2:54 PM

How do I give better blowjobs?

After a (very) long time, I've become sexually active again, including casual sex. I'm enthusiastic and willing but both times I've gone down on the guy, and both times, the guys complained of my teeth (repeatedly). Most of my previous experience was on a guy with a very small penis whether this wasn't a problem.

I try very hard to use just my lips but on an average size guy, my mouth starts aching within a couple of minutes.

The second issue is when I go all the way down, I can't breathe, and find it difficult to establish a rhythm where it's possible to draw a breath without spoiling the move.

If I was in a relationship, I could spend time practicing, but obviously with casual sex, that's not an option. Advice from both receivers or givers?

Hell, while I'm at it, what exercises can I do to improve my ability to be on top - after riding for a bit, my thighs get sore and I have to ask him to take over.

posted by anonymous to human relations (20 answers total)

It's going to depend on the guy a lot, but I have found that yes, enthusiasm is big deal. If your goal is to tease (ie, foreplay), then tease. If your goal is getting him off, being consistent and relentless is key. For me, depth doesn't really do anything at all, but oral stimulation of the glans combined with consistent, not necessarily fast, rhythm with a hand on the shaft will work.
posted by plinth at 3:07 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Spit on/lube up your hand, wrap it around the shaft and then coordinated it so that your mouth is against your fist (like when you stifle a cough into a fist) and once you get your rhythm going, breathe through your nose. Also don't worry about a tight seal with your lips, try and keep your jaw relaxed. Don't be afraid to experiment or ask partners for tips either!
posted by pink candy floss at 3:11 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Lots of stuff in here.
posted by Glinn at 3:12 PM on August 18, 2011

When your mouth gets sore, go for the hand job. The change in sensation is nice, and honestly I've gotten to liking hand jobs better anyway. So, don't underestimate the hand job as a blow job change of pace or substitute.

Wow, I wish there was anonymous answering.
posted by Fister Roboto at 3:14 PM on August 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

Seconding using your hands. Going super deep is hard for a lot of women (for the reasons you mentioned), so get everything nice and wet with your mouth, and then add your hand(s) to give your mouth a bit of a break.

This may or may not have helped me in the past. ;)
posted by too bad you're not me at 3:16 PM on August 18, 2011

For this, my mouth starts aching within a couple of minutes. and after riding for a bit, my thighs get sore

Mine too! It's like any kind of exercise though. If you don't do it, that part of your body gets tired. The solution, fortunately, is frequent practice.

For blowjobs, in the past, for the one person I've ever enjoyed them with the key is that he was really understanding, and patient and anything I was comfortable doing was a total bonus to him, in addition to getting to spend time with me. So, once I had established that, relaxing my face was important. Not just keeping my jaw relaxed, but also my eyes and my forehead and my neck. Make sure you're breathing, and actually, focusing on your breath can help with just about any physical task. As for teeth, think of this as more like licking than sucking. So, if you're sucking, that puts your teeth in the way. But if you're licking with your mouth closed, you just focus on your tongue, right? As others above say, yay for hands! You can add your hand, or substitute while you give your mouth a break.

Now, for the thighs, you can do squats and other exercises outside the bedroom. You can also try positions on chairs and other furniture that allow you to use different parts of your thighs, or rely on your calves for some of the motion. Thirdly, try to mix in some good old fashioned grinding along with the up and down.

Oh man, I wish you had given an email address. Alternatively, my kingdom for anonymous answering.
posted by bilabial at 3:20 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Size does matter and smaller is better/easier/more fun when it comes to blowjobs.

Put your hand on the base of the penis to extend the sensation further down the base of the penis while allowing you to breathe comfortably and better control the depth. Kinda like half of a hand job. Plenty of spit helps. If you want to go past the point where you're able to breathe, it's hard to maintain a rhythm for long on your own and helps to have some assistance from the penis' owner, either by thrusting or moving your head for you. If you do it on your own you'll get great abs, though.
posted by the young rope-rider at 3:28 PM on August 18, 2011

Nthing using your hand once your jaw starts aching....for an extended break, you can also use two hands to rub his Johnson with one or both of your breasts.
posted by Oriole Adams at 3:29 PM on August 18, 2011

If you use you hand (and you should), wash your hands first. Trust me on this one!
posted by crabintheocean at 4:44 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Try putting off the "pistoning" part until he's very close to coming. That's the part that has (for, uh, my friends) the greatest risk of tooth interference and jaw fatigue. All the complement-with-your-hand suggestions above will work great once you get to that repetitive pistoning phase, too, but there are lots of ways to make that your Grand Finale, not the whole act.

My, uh, friends, tell me that enthusiasm isn't just about showing how eagerly you'll bounce your mouth up and down on his penis. Try worshiping it. Tell him, as you kiss your way down his body (and up his thighs), how much you've been thinking about it and craving it and wanting to feel how hard his cock is on your warm, soft tongue and to taste his come when he floods your mouth with it, and oh God, now that you see it/feel it/taste it, that you can't believe how big and hard and gorgeous it is...

Dang, this would really be a good time for anonymous answering.

I guess the gist of my advice is to create lots of buildup until the time your mouth actually gets there, and then, use your tongue and lips and even the inside of your cheeks to create all kinds of exciting sensations on his cock (especially the head), swirling and sucking and licking, and sliding your wet tongue-plus-lips combo sideways up and down the underside of his shaft (and don't forget his balls! and ass if that's your (plural) thing), and THEN go in for the kill with the "traditional" blow job. But only once he begs for it. And even then you can make him wait for it.

That's one approach, anyway, and one that I imagine will only help you distinguish yourself (in the best possible way) in a casual sex setting. At least, that's what my 'friends' have found.

Bon appetit!
posted by mauvest at 4:50 PM on August 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

When your mouth gets sore, go for the hand job.

posted by Fister Roboto

Well, of course you would suggest that.

But seriously, it's great advice. Mix things up, use your hands at the same time as your mouth and as a way to give your mouth a break. And definitely keep your teeth out of the mix. That might mean not going as deep, or maybe trying to keep your lips over your teeth, I don't know.

Regarding being on top, again, keep things mixed up. Pistoning up and down is kind of fun, but is tough on your legs -- don't rule out grinding, making circles, and other movements that are easy on the legs.

Lastly, as the recipient of these kinds of things, I'll note that very, very few women can sustain porn-style oral or cowgirling for more than a few minutes. Most people can do the intense stuff for a short while, often as a finale to a much longer session of more gentle and varied actions. In other words, make sure that your standards for yourself are reasonable, and don't feel pressure to do things that aren't fun or are uncomfortable.
posted by Forktine at 5:53 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

When your mouth gets sore, go for the hand job.

Mix it up, to exercise different muscles and let others relax.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:06 PM on August 18, 2011

When you mouth is tired, don't think of it as "quitting the blowjob", think of it as "time to keep things interesting with strokes, ball licking, kissy nibbles near his genitals (as though you can't get enough of touching him with your mouth), and the ever-so-scorching hot filthy talk while staring him in the eyes with his hard cock in your hands.

To hell with anonymous posting; I just want a lover right now!
posted by IAmBroom at 7:15 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Best tip I've ever gotten: "you have two hands, use them."

Also buy this book.
posted by radioamy at 7:28 PM on August 18, 2011

The second issue is when I go all the way down, I can't breathe

I'm hardly the arbiter but... depth really doesn't matter all that much. I think women think it does because of porn, but in my experience, it's pretty much irrelevant on a sensation level. Visually it's kind of interesting but unless you're being watched, he probably won't care.
posted by dobbs at 7:31 PM on August 18, 2011

Suck it like you are trying to pull a million dollar bill out of there and be just as enthusiastic! It is not a clit and likes to be squeezed hard and tight.
posted by bkeene12 at 8:22 PM on August 18, 2011

I agree with IAmBroom--when you get tired, aside from the common (and good) advice upthread to do a slick handjob or boobjob intermission, you could try being playful in general by say, kissing that often sensitive bit of hipbone or where the leg meets the hip, or pressing down on it, or grabbing ass, or paying attention to the balls/taint, or sort of munching/applying firm but gentle pressure to the whole squishy pubic mound area. Being really into it, whichever of these things you might go for, helps a lot too.
posted by ifjuly at 5:37 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

also agree with the "constant depth isn't usually as important as you think it is" and not worth fixating on at the price of a constant rhythm or proper pressure or the distraction gagging or struggling can generate (though of course with any of this mileage varies)--maybe try thinking of the deep throaty stuff as the intermission, brief interlude trick, not the thing to be attempted to maintain by default. sucking hard as mentioned above and super slick is more the way to go by default.
posted by ifjuly at 5:40 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Great advice all around. I have four words to add from my own male perspective: don't neglect the balls.
posted by lazywhinerkid at 12:12 PM on August 19, 2011

Suck it like you are trying to pull a million dollar bill out of there and be just as enthusiastic! It is not a clit and likes to be squeezed hard and tight.
posted by bkeene12 at 11:22 PM on August 18 [+] [!]

Frankly, this is pretty bad advice. Penises are not all the same. neither are clits, thanks for asking. Also, sucking that hard is going to put a lot of pressure on those cheek muscles. So, if the penis in question really likes that sensation, do that for as long as you can/enjoy. But don't try to make it the centerpiece of your act, because you also need to breathe.
posted by bilabial at 12:26 PM on August 19, 2011 [4 favorites]