Resources on complicated grief
August 8, 2011 8:46 PM Subscribe
Where can I find resources on complicated grief, especially with regard to grieving something that never was?
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (6 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I'm grieving a relationship that I ended because of abuse. I have suffered trauma from a wide array of abusive behaviours from my former partner and am in therapy for that. Having worked through a lot of the trauma - though I still have a long way to go - I'm at a different place now. My counselor has suggested that I have complicated grief and that it is all the more difficult because my grief is for a relationship/partner that was not like I wanted or ever hoped for. For example, I spend a lot of time thinking I must have been wrong about my partner and that it wasn't really like that and that it wasn't abuse, yet I know it was abuse. So I have a denial thing going on - and it's been a long time since I ended the relationship - but it still doesn't help with the complicated emotions I feel about the loss of my life partner, family stability, parenting support, etc.
Having reviewed lots of resources on abuse, domestic violence and so on, I have not really found much on the grief one goes through after leaving a relationship. In my case, it took a few months of counseling to even believe I was in an abusive relationship. I still struggle with it, even though it would be plain as day if it was happening to someone else.
By the way, I don't really know what complicated grief means, so info about that would help too.
Note: I have a lovely counselor and good support there. But I'd like to read more about complicated grief, especially where it comes to finding out that one's partner was not okay.
Thanks in advance.