So, I've been joking for a while that I need, like, boot camp for how to be an adult. Help me find something? Maybe like Upward Bound for grownups meets finishing school plus...something?
I stumbled upon Turnaround House
. I like the idea of it, except that it is associated with, or approved by Byron Katie, famous for The Work. My past is littered with all kinds of awful trauma and I am not willing to say, much less attempt to believe that I was raped as a child because of any sort of need or failing of my own, it seems that this would be required in that program.
Also, the program costs $20,000, which I just don't have. I mean, shit. I don't have twenty spare dollars, which is part of why I think I need this. I'm smart. I have "so much potential." Medication is helpful, but I have trouble with basic skills. Several years of intense PTSD focused therapy have helped tremendously, but again, it's a skills problem that I face. Forming healthy habits, routines, etc. Knowing how
to do things. I am not a domestic person. Every time I sweep a fucking floor, someone tells me I'm doing it wrong. Cheryl Mendelsohn's book about keeping house was supposed to be awesome for that, except I just sit and read the book instead of, well, cleaning house.
My remaining family (I'm unmarried, 30, female, hopefully a college graduate in a few weeks, but...um, maybe not.) is baffled by me. They don't understand depression. They don't understand ADHD, despite actually having many members of the family also diagnosed. I'm expected to just "buck up" and....haven't been able to figure out how to do that. My parents are not around any longer, so what's left is an aunt and her daughter. In my home of origin there was never clean laundry, rarely food, lots of violence and yelling and often absent parents. I've never been truly cared for, so it's hard for me to believe that I'm worthy of that. I discuss that in therapy. I can say it until I'm blue in the face. But I think believing it is going to require a reshaping type of experience.
I don't use alcohol or drugs, though sometimes I wish I did because then maybe I wouldn't care about my difficulty.
I used to write poetry, but I quit about a decade ago. I do some other crafty things, and many of my friends believe that I could make a living with that, but I just can't get/stay organized enough to be productive and/or promote myself. I'd love to have a career in public speaking (I've mentioned this in a previous, non-sock puppet question before) but again, it's the getting focused, getting organized and following through.
So. I feel like a month (or better longer, I'm sure) with adults who are good at being compassionate guides toward responsibility would do me some good. Has anybody heard of such a thing that isn't culty or downright damaging? How do folks like me pay for these kinds of improvements?