Dating when 30 is like being 12 all over again. Seriously.
July 6, 2011 7:21 AM Subscribe
Need advice before I accidentally sabotage this awesome new potential relationship.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a 30 year old female who HAD been dating a 35 year old guy for about 8 months when we broke up in March. That breakup was horrible because he essentially out of the blue up and told me that he could never see himself falling in love with me because he's afraid of committment. This was completely out of nowhere - we had even just returned from a really romantic, incredible vacation together. The relationship had been progressing too - we had met the families, friends, traveled and I was falling in love. Needless to say, I was totally devastated. However, I got over it, got through it, took a little time off and have recently started putting myself out there again in the past month because I do feel ready for dating. I started doing some online dating with no real prospects, but that's ok. I know these things take time, so I'm just trying to keep relaxed about it and enjoy the summer and being single while I can.
Anyway, about three weeks ago I managed to meet this 33 year old guy while attending a random sporting event. We ended up hanging out at the event together (by accident really) and had a great time. We exchanged info and we ended up going out for dinner a week later. A week after that we had dinner again. He's awesome and I can't find a single thing wrong with him (nor am I looking, but just noting this, in fact, it's pretty amazing). I've been over to his place and while he hasn't seen my place, we have very similar living styles and habits. The other evening he invited me out to grab drinks with a few of his friends and when I got there, I realized that it was kind of a double-date, so that was kind of awesome as well (he hasn't met any of my friends yet). So let's see...that would be three dates plus the time we hung out when we first met...we had sex for the first time together after the recent double date and that was pretty incredible as well (thank goodness). We have plans for later this week too; a fun activity together on Thursday and then he's coming with me to my friend's party on Friday (and will probably end up seeing my place as well).
Anyway! All of this sounds wonderful and like it's progressing well, I know, and that's the good part and I'm so excited about it. But here is where I could use some advice:
1.) HOW do I not lose my shit about all of this right now from excitement?! I'm pretty sure he's feeling the same because whenever I email or text him, his response is usually immediate and vice versa. He's responsive and seems to genuinely be interested in me. He's all touchy feely to the level that I like when we're together, and in public. I'm so freakin' excited about all of this I just want to explode and it's hard not to feel like I'm going batshitinsane, or worrying that I'm totally reading too much into everything. Yes, I've been exercising and doing other things and I'm now tired and the house is spotless. What else can I do?! Halp!
2.) Part of me is feeling anxious that he's going to end up doing that whole "You're a great girl but I just am not ready for a relationship right now" dance out of the blue, all of a sudden. I think this fear stems from my prior relationship and from prior random dates I had been on where it felt like things were going somewhere and then rejection slapped me in the face. I know that being nervous about this sounds a little ridiculous because right now is a totally different guy, a totally different situation, and NewAwesomeGuy doesn't have the committment hangups that BoringCowardEx had. How can I keep reminding myself of this when I start getting scared?
3.) I know it's still early, but when I know what I want, I know what I want, and I really want to be exclusive with this guy. I want this to be A.THING. I'm ready to define the relationship. When is a good time to bring this up? I was thinking about waiting to see how things are after our two fun-filled evenings later this week and if things still seem to be awesome (which would bring the tally to five dates not including the time we met, plus sex) and casually mention that although I had been online dating, that I'm going to take down my profile because I really am not interested in seeing anyone else. Is this dumb? Is this too soon?
4.) Any guy perspectives on any of this would be really helpful too.