How do I help myself move on from the years-past, but sudden loss of a loved one?
June 26, 2011 10:08 AM Subscribe
How do I help myself move on from the years-past, but sudden loss of a loved one, when it just doesn't seem to be getting better?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (10 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
Several years ago, I was engaged to be married to someone I had been with for a few years - when there was an accident. I ended up watching her die waiting for help which didn't make it in time.
Since then, I just can't seem to move on. It's been the better part of a decade. Friends tell me of parents who were widowed after decades and managed to move on, fall in love, and remarry in far less time.
I've had dates, even brief girlfriends, but while I've mostly gotten over the "feeling guilty about dating again" phase, I still just end up feeling distant and afraid to get attached to the new person. I cover it well to them apparently, but not to myself. I find myself drifting to what happened, and to her, in my mind constantly. If a friend or coworker says they are getting married, I try to be happy for them, but I just feel that pit inside. Even small things. If someone mentions a TV show we used to watch, or a place we used to go. I feel constantly on edge about it. Afraid someone will say the wrong thing and send me down the well in my head for a few hours or days.
I've tried to see therapists, but my insurance and work make that very difficult. Still, when I have been able to, the therapy itself doesn't really seem to help, (though prescriptions from it have somewhat. )
My friends were at first very understanding, but as time has gone on, they just don't get why I still have the issues I have. And neither do I. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be alone forever, or spend all my time in my living room in the dark. I know this was bad, I know I'm entitled to a grieving time. But it's been long enough, and sometimes I just think it's getting worse instead of better. How do I push this along? After all this time, how do I get to the point where I can live a day without this, like every one else seems to have been able to in these situations by now?