Why do we go weeks without seeing each other? Are we just friends?
June 18, 2011 3:40 PM Subscribe
This guy is confusing me. He acts like he likes me but we sometimes don't see each other for a few weeks.
The guy i'm about to tell you about i've been acquaintances with for 6 years, during the last year is when he started talking to me more frequently and trying to hold a conversation with me. This turned into four months of flirting constantly and hanging out with each other a few times, the last time we hung out together we held hands, cuddled, kissed, and made out quite passionately. I'm a 24 year old female, and he's 7 months behind me.
Anyway, the thing i'm confused about is in the beginning we we're hanging out every week, then he got a full time job working for a video game store that holds magic the gathering tournaments a lot. After that, we didn't hang out for about three weeks and then i asked him and he agreed and we had a really good time. Then, the same thing would happen again we'd go weeks without seeing each other but every time we finally did it was like nothing ever happened and he'd continue flirting with me. Pattern repeats itself
I know he isn't the type to just flirt with any girl nor is he the type to just make out with random female friends of his, and i'm positive he isn't married and isn't seeing anyone else, he doesn't act this way with any other girls just me, and he doesn't talk about other women around me. All he does when i'm around is pick on me, tease me, pick me up and carry me, buy me lunch, or if i'm thirsty he'll go buy me a drink, he tickles me, refers to me by a "cutesy" nickname, uses my real name a lot, offers me rides home, remembers things i've said and brings them back up, and basically does everything else that would suggest he is indeed interested in me as more than a pal.
A friend of his told me as long as she's known him he's never shown interest in anyone, but that seems weird to me because he's had girlfriends before. Then she also said he wasn't much of a texter, which that may be true but on occasion he'll have lengthy text chats with me so i know he's capable of all that. My best friend, who has known him longer than me told me that his last girlfriend did something not very nice to him. So i'm wondering if he's afraid to get into another relationship? Because the second time we hung out on the way home he asked me why i'd want to hang out with him, as if he couldn't figure out why i wasn't hanging around some other guy.
I also don't get is why put in so much effort in getting my attention and flirting with me all the time, and buying me food fairly frequently if he only sees me as a pal and only hangs out with me every couple of weeks? Plus, lately i've been the one that been having to do the asking. I mean he always says yes, but it would be nice if he'd ask me every so often. Plus i've noticed every time we're making plans he'll tell me to call him, does he just hate the phone or something?
It seems all this going a couple weeks in between seeing each other started when he got his job.
Any help is much appreciated!
Thanks!
The guy i'm about to tell you about i've been acquaintances with for 6 years, during the last year is when he started talking to me more frequently and trying to hold a conversation with me. This turned into four months of flirting constantly and hanging out with each other a few times, the last time we hung out together we held hands, cuddled, kissed, and made out quite passionately. I'm a 24 year old female, and he's 7 months behind me.
Anyway, the thing i'm confused about is in the beginning we we're hanging out every week, then he got a full time job working for a video game store that holds magic the gathering tournaments a lot. After that, we didn't hang out for about three weeks and then i asked him and he agreed and we had a really good time. Then, the same thing would happen again we'd go weeks without seeing each other but every time we finally did it was like nothing ever happened and he'd continue flirting with me. Pattern repeats itself
I know he isn't the type to just flirt with any girl nor is he the type to just make out with random female friends of his, and i'm positive he isn't married and isn't seeing anyone else, he doesn't act this way with any other girls just me, and he doesn't talk about other women around me. All he does when i'm around is pick on me, tease me, pick me up and carry me, buy me lunch, or if i'm thirsty he'll go buy me a drink, he tickles me, refers to me by a "cutesy" nickname, uses my real name a lot, offers me rides home, remembers things i've said and brings them back up, and basically does everything else that would suggest he is indeed interested in me as more than a pal.
A friend of his told me as long as she's known him he's never shown interest in anyone, but that seems weird to me because he's had girlfriends before. Then she also said he wasn't much of a texter, which that may be true but on occasion he'll have lengthy text chats with me so i know he's capable of all that. My best friend, who has known him longer than me told me that his last girlfriend did something not very nice to him. So i'm wondering if he's afraid to get into another relationship? Because the second time we hung out on the way home he asked me why i'd want to hang out with him, as if he couldn't figure out why i wasn't hanging around some other guy.
I also don't get is why put in so much effort in getting my attention and flirting with me all the time, and buying me food fairly frequently if he only sees me as a pal and only hangs out with me every couple of weeks? Plus, lately i've been the one that been having to do the asking. I mean he always says yes, but it would be nice if he'd ask me every so often. Plus i've noticed every time we're making plans he'll tell me to call him, does he just hate the phone or something?
It seems all this going a couple weeks in between seeing each other started when he got his job.
Any help is much appreciated!
Thanks!
I know a guy who behaves like this because he fears long-term commitment. He's a nice person, with an intense dislike of Serious Relationships. Maybe ask your guy about his thoughts in this regard?
posted by StrikeTheViol at 3:46 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by StrikeTheViol at 3:46 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Maybe it's a nerdy guy's version of FWB.
I am completely serious. I am a huge nerd, as are my friends, and this is exactly how my nerd friends would handle a FWB situation; exactly like this.
But, I agree with others--talk to him and flat out ask him what's going on. It's never too early to have open communication with someone, eh?
posted by TinWhistle at 3:52 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
I am completely serious. I am a huge nerd, as are my friends, and this is exactly how my nerd friends would handle a FWB situation; exactly like this.
But, I agree with others--talk to him and flat out ask him what's going on. It's never too early to have open communication with someone, eh?
posted by TinWhistle at 3:52 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Yes, talk with him. Ask him "where do we stand?" If he agrees that you're dating and not just FWB, you are entirely within your rights to say "I'd like it if you took a little more initiative in this relationship."
posted by adamrice at 3:55 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by adamrice at 3:55 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
After that, we didn't hang out for about three weeks and then i asked him and he agreed and we had a really good time. Then, the same thing would happen again we'd go weeks without seeing each other but every time we finally did it was like nothing ever happened and he'd continue flirting with me. Pattern repeats itself
Just repeat the pattern more frequently.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:01 PM on June 18, 2011
Just repeat the pattern more frequently.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:01 PM on June 18, 2011
I think it's a little early for the relationship talk- that usually happens once you're trying to solidify something that's already hot and heavy, and this doesn't seem to be there yet. I think first you need to see if he's open to hanging up on a more regular basis. Next time you go out, try to immediately set up another date. If he's not interested in seeing you more than once every few weeks, he's not going to be interested in a relationship that involves seeing more than once every few weeks.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:55 PM on June 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:55 PM on June 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
Yep, another vote for "talk to him." Also, don't discount the impact that a brand-new full-time job can have on a person's social life, especially if the VG's and magic gatherings are something that this guy would be into outside of work anyway. You aren't specific about whether he was working before this and switched jobs or if the whole full-time scene is new, but either way I could see this taking a lot of his time and attention in ways that neither one of you might have anticipated before.
Beyond that, I absolutely understand what you mean about always having to be the asker, that getting old, and wondering for pete's sakes, why can't this guy just put on his big-boy shorts one time and ask me if I want to go have some dessert?? I would (and do) find this sort of behavior frustrating if it is a continuous pattern, not so much if the "asking" seems fairly evenly balanced.
The way I've dealt with this in the past (straight female here, BTW), is to kind of ease into it. Next time you want to do something with him, rather than saying "Hey, Cool Dude, would you like to go get an early dinner and go to X show on the 20th of Y?" try "Hey, Cool Dude, we should hang out sometime soon. What would you like to do in the next week or so?" This way, you're kind of halving the responsibility - he knows you're interested in hanging out but he also has to put some thought into it. If (hopefully!) you like the way that goes, drop un-subtle hints that you'd like to do it again and he should LET YOU KNOW when he is able to/wants to.
If this doesn't work (and admittedly, it may not), then you say, "Listen, Cool Dude. I've really enjoyed the time we've spent together, and I think you are an incredibly [insert complimentary adjectives here] person. I know you've been busy with this new job, but I really hope you know that whenever you know you'll have some free time, I'd love it if you called/texted me and we could get together. Let me know!"
That should do it. If it doesn't, you may need to (re)consider whether this behavior is something you can live with - if it's not, then it may be time to explore a bit more. I hope this was at least somewhat helpful, and I wish you the best!
posted by deep thought sunstar at 5:11 PM on June 18, 2011
Beyond that, I absolutely understand what you mean about always having to be the asker, that getting old, and wondering for pete's sakes, why can't this guy just put on his big-boy shorts one time and ask me if I want to go have some dessert?? I would (and do) find this sort of behavior frustrating if it is a continuous pattern, not so much if the "asking" seems fairly evenly balanced.
The way I've dealt with this in the past (straight female here, BTW), is to kind of ease into it. Next time you want to do something with him, rather than saying "Hey, Cool Dude, would you like to go get an early dinner and go to X show on the 20th of Y?" try "Hey, Cool Dude, we should hang out sometime soon. What would you like to do in the next week or so?" This way, you're kind of halving the responsibility - he knows you're interested in hanging out but he also has to put some thought into it. If (hopefully!) you like the way that goes, drop un-subtle hints that you'd like to do it again and he should LET YOU KNOW when he is able to/wants to.
If this doesn't work (and admittedly, it may not), then you say, "Listen, Cool Dude. I've really enjoyed the time we've spent together, and I think you are an incredibly [insert complimentary adjectives here] person. I know you've been busy with this new job, but I really hope you know that whenever you know you'll have some free time, I'd love it if you called/texted me and we could get together. Let me know!"
That should do it. If it doesn't, you may need to (re)consider whether this behavior is something you can live with - if it's not, then it may be time to explore a bit more. I hope this was at least somewhat helpful, and I wish you the best!
posted by deep thought sunstar at 5:11 PM on June 18, 2011
Response by poster: No, before this he wasn't working he was just looking for a job and he was asking me to hang out every week. Then after he got the job, the asking out stopped unless i did the asking but we would talk in between seeing each other and sometimes i'd stop by the store to say hi.
and thank you!
posted by ohtimorousme at 6:54 PM on June 18, 2011
and thank you!
posted by ohtimorousme at 6:54 PM on June 18, 2011
Uh, I don't see any mention of you actually reciprocating his advances anywhere in the post. Maybe he's just waiting for you to express your interest more openly?
posted by nasreddin at 7:06 PM on June 18, 2011
posted by nasreddin at 7:06 PM on June 18, 2011
Response by poster: I guess i did fail to mention that. But i've made it really obvious for him that i like him, he flirts i flirt back, i've asked him to hang out a couple of times, i purposely stop by his store to see him, etc...
posted by ohtimorousme at 7:31 PM on June 18, 2011
posted by ohtimorousme at 7:31 PM on June 18, 2011
I think maybe you two have different definitions of "really obvious," especially if you've been friends for a long time. Just try ramping it up a bit and see what happens.
posted by nasreddin at 7:57 PM on June 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by nasreddin at 7:57 PM on June 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
Thanks for your updates, ohtimorousme. All the more reason to make clear that "yep, Cool Dude, I get that things are different time-wise now, but that's all the more reason why YOU have to ask ME out, because what with your great new job and all..."
BTW, I think you've been as obvious as you feel comfortable being to this point. You need not leap atop him and ride the pony...(unless, of course, you would like to)...I would think we held hands, cuddled, kissed, and made out quite passionately would be enough of a clue for the average 24-year-old guy to tell that you're into him. Good luck!
posted by deep thought sunstar at 8:19 PM on June 18, 2011
BTW, I think you've been as obvious as you feel comfortable being to this point. You need not leap atop him and ride the pony...(unless, of course, you would like to)...I would think we held hands, cuddled, kissed, and made out quite passionately would be enough of a clue for the average 24-year-old guy to tell that you're into him. Good luck!
posted by deep thought sunstar at 8:19 PM on June 18, 2011
... in the beginning we we're hanging out every week, then he got a full time job working for a video game store that holds magic the gathering tournaments a lot. After that, we didn't hang out for about three weeks and then i asked him and he agreed and we had a really good time.
Some women would enter into a relationship with a guy who worked at a video game store and spent a lot of time playing Magic the Gathering, but would soon start nagging their guy into "growing up" and getting something more career minded and would want him to devote more of his time to the relationship and to more adult pursuits.
Is this you? If not, maybe you should let him know that. He may be totally happy in his current job/life path and perhaps he's thinking that a girlfriend would want him to alter that path. If you're cool with where he's at and wouldn't want him to change, it might be useful to tell him.
I don't know if this is true or not, but since you mentioned that things changed after he got this job, that's what I thought of.
posted by marsha56 at 8:29 PM on June 18, 2011
Some women would enter into a relationship with a guy who worked at a video game store and spent a lot of time playing Magic the Gathering, but would soon start nagging their guy into "growing up" and getting something more career minded and would want him to devote more of his time to the relationship and to more adult pursuits.
Is this you? If not, maybe you should let him know that. He may be totally happy in his current job/life path and perhaps he's thinking that a girlfriend would want him to alter that path. If you're cool with where he's at and wouldn't want him to change, it might be useful to tell him.
I don't know if this is true or not, but since you mentioned that things changed after he got this job, that's what I thought of.
posted by marsha56 at 8:29 PM on June 18, 2011
I know he isn't the type to just flirt with any girl nor is he the type to just make out with random female friends of his, and i'm positive he isn't married and isn't seeing anyone else, he doesn't act this way with any other girls just me, and he doesn't talk about other women around me. All he does when i'm around is pick on me, tease me, pick me up and carry me, buy me lunch, or if i'm thirsty he'll go buy me a drink, he tickles me, refers to me by a "cutesy" nickname, uses my real name a lot, offers me rides home, remembers things i've said and brings them back up, and basically does everything else that would suggest he is indeed interested in me as more than a pal.
Just kind of be around. Find away to invite him to a BBQ or a party. Let nature take its course. Make sure you help it find that course, as subtly as you can. But be there with smiles and kiss back.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:41 PM on June 18, 2011
Just kind of be around. Find away to invite him to a BBQ or a party. Let nature take its course. Make sure you help it find that course, as subtly as you can. But be there with smiles and kiss back.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:41 PM on June 18, 2011
Warning: Incoming cynical answer.
Are we just friends?
Yes.
The guy i'm about to tell you about i've been acquaintances with for 6 years, during the last year is when he started talking to me more frequently and trying to hold a conversation with me.
You were on the backburner for him. My guess is that about a year ago he got dumped. Is that close to the mark?
I know he isn't the type to just flirt with any girl nor is he the type to just make out with random female friends of his
It's entirely possible, and probable, that he's a little choosier than a guy who'll take "anything that moves" while still essentially still desiring a "placeholder girlfriend" in his slumps.
All he does when i'm around is pick on me, tease me, pick me up and carry me, buy me lunch, or if i'm thirsty he'll go buy me a drink, he tickles me, refers to me by a "cutesy" nickname, uses my real name a lot, offers me rides home, remembers things i've said and brings them back up, and basically does everything else that would suggest he is indeed interested in me as more than a pal.
There's a paradox with romantic interest: When you really, really like someone, it actually gets more difficult to be carefree and breezy and your best, flirty self. You get a little tongue-tied, a little more serious, a little more hesitant. People who make these big sweeping romantic, hit-you-over-the-head gestures are acting, trying to convince you and themselves that they're into it. A key tell is that they act super upbeat all the time. My guess is that he's got this image of himself as a romantic, white knight, sweet kind of guy and he likes doing those things because he has this dialogue in his mind that he's flattering you with his attention.
Because the second time we hung out on the way home he asked me why i'd want to hang out with him, as if he couldn't figure out why i wasn't hanging around some other guy.
Fishing for compliments. His self-esteem is at a low, and he's using you to boost his ego.
I also don't get is why put in so much effort in getting my attention and flirting with me all the time, and buying me food fairly frequently if he only sees me as a pal and only hangs out with me every couple of weeks?
He likes knowing he can. He likes the attention.
Plus, lately i've been the one that been having to do the asking. I mean he always says yes, but it would be nice if he'd ask me every so often. Plus i've noticed every time we're making plans he'll tell me to call him, does he just hate the phone or something?
This is his attempt to mitigate his guilt, because at a certain point it's hard for him to maintain the illusion of interest and it's easier on his psyche if you do the work for him.
posted by Nixy at 8:45 PM on June 18, 2011 [4 favorites]
Are we just friends?
Yes.
The guy i'm about to tell you about i've been acquaintances with for 6 years, during the last year is when he started talking to me more frequently and trying to hold a conversation with me.
You were on the backburner for him. My guess is that about a year ago he got dumped. Is that close to the mark?
I know he isn't the type to just flirt with any girl nor is he the type to just make out with random female friends of his
It's entirely possible, and probable, that he's a little choosier than a guy who'll take "anything that moves" while still essentially still desiring a "placeholder girlfriend" in his slumps.
All he does when i'm around is pick on me, tease me, pick me up and carry me, buy me lunch, or if i'm thirsty he'll go buy me a drink, he tickles me, refers to me by a "cutesy" nickname, uses my real name a lot, offers me rides home, remembers things i've said and brings them back up, and basically does everything else that would suggest he is indeed interested in me as more than a pal.
There's a paradox with romantic interest: When you really, really like someone, it actually gets more difficult to be carefree and breezy and your best, flirty self. You get a little tongue-tied, a little more serious, a little more hesitant. People who make these big sweeping romantic, hit-you-over-the-head gestures are acting, trying to convince you and themselves that they're into it. A key tell is that they act super upbeat all the time. My guess is that he's got this image of himself as a romantic, white knight, sweet kind of guy and he likes doing those things because he has this dialogue in his mind that he's flattering you with his attention.
Because the second time we hung out on the way home he asked me why i'd want to hang out with him, as if he couldn't figure out why i wasn't hanging around some other guy.
Fishing for compliments. His self-esteem is at a low, and he's using you to boost his ego.
I also don't get is why put in so much effort in getting my attention and flirting with me all the time, and buying me food fairly frequently if he only sees me as a pal and only hangs out with me every couple of weeks?
He likes knowing he can. He likes the attention.
Plus, lately i've been the one that been having to do the asking. I mean he always says yes, but it would be nice if he'd ask me every so often. Plus i've noticed every time we're making plans he'll tell me to call him, does he just hate the phone or something?
This is his attempt to mitigate his guilt, because at a certain point it's hard for him to maintain the illusion of interest and it's easier on his psyche if you do the work for him.
posted by Nixy at 8:45 PM on June 18, 2011 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Some women would enter into a relationship with a guy who worked at a video game store and spent a lot of time playing Magic the Gathering, but would soon start nagging their guy into "growing up" and getting something more career minded and would want him to devote more of his time to the relationship and to more adult pursuits.
Actually, i like that he has a job he likes i have no intention of nagging him to get a "real" job. I kind of wish i worked at a video game store myself since i play games just as much if not more then he does.
posted by ohtimorousme at 9:00 PM on June 18, 2011
Actually, i like that he has a job he likes i have no intention of nagging him to get a "real" job. I kind of wish i worked at a video game store myself since i play games just as much if not more then he does.
posted by ohtimorousme at 9:00 PM on June 18, 2011
....Forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but you say that he was spending more time with you before the job.
....Perhaps that was simply because....he DIDN'T have a job. And the reason why he's spending less time with you is....because now he DOES have a job.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:28 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
....Perhaps that was simply because....he DIDN'T have a job. And the reason why he's spending less time with you is....because now he DOES have a job.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:28 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
This might seem really obvious--but are you ever the one asking him out? Or are you just waiting for him to initiate the dates? Just signaling your availability to him isn't enough these days. You've got to make some moves.
If you're both initiating and it's just a scheduling conflict, then maybe that's all it is. In which case, don't ask, "Where do we stand" because asking a guy to define a relationship, especially a young guy in a newish relationship, is like asking a blind man to describe a sunrise. Instead say, "I know your job keeps you busy, but I've missed hanging out with you the past couple of weeks. Thanks for making some time for me." Now he knows you like him and miss him, and by thanking him, you're showing him that this isn't a criticism, that on the contrary, he's making you happy right now. This will make him feel warm and fuzzy and awesome, and will make it easier to broach the idea of hanging out more, maybe getting a quick lunch or coffee some afternoon.
posted by thinkingwoman at 10:41 PM on June 18, 2011
If you're both initiating and it's just a scheduling conflict, then maybe that's all it is. In which case, don't ask, "Where do we stand" because asking a guy to define a relationship, especially a young guy in a newish relationship, is like asking a blind man to describe a sunrise. Instead say, "I know your job keeps you busy, but I've missed hanging out with you the past couple of weeks. Thanks for making some time for me." Now he knows you like him and miss him, and by thanking him, you're showing him that this isn't a criticism, that on the contrary, he's making you happy right now. This will make him feel warm and fuzzy and awesome, and will make it easier to broach the idea of hanging out more, maybe getting a quick lunch or coffee some afternoon.
posted by thinkingwoman at 10:41 PM on June 18, 2011
This sounds very much like me. I'm quite comfortable not seeing somebody (that I'm not in a significant relationship with {yet}) for weeks, even though I really like them.
Hanging out, 'just to hang out' gets really boring, really quickly. Sure it's nice, but there's only so much cutesy flirting you can do.
If you want to hang out more, try to make plans more often. Find something casual you both enjoy, maybe a weekly/bi-weekly movie/board game/book reading/basket weaving/squash playing night. Some casual ritual that is interesting or rewarding in and of itself (to both of you), but that is greatly enhanced by doing it with somebody whose company you enjoy.
And yeah, not everybody likes frequent texting. That doesn't mean they can't do the texting thing occasionally, just that they don't like to do that all the damn time.
On the other hand, maybe he sees you as a good friend/thinks you're not interested in the same way/thinks he's not ready for a relationship/something else.
The way to find out, is to talk to him.
posted by HFSH at 3:22 AM on June 19, 2011
Hanging out, 'just to hang out' gets really boring, really quickly. Sure it's nice, but there's only so much cutesy flirting you can do.
If you want to hang out more, try to make plans more often. Find something casual you both enjoy, maybe a weekly/bi-weekly movie/board game/book reading/basket weaving/squash playing night. Some casual ritual that is interesting or rewarding in and of itself (to both of you), but that is greatly enhanced by doing it with somebody whose company you enjoy.
And yeah, not everybody likes frequent texting. That doesn't mean they can't do the texting thing occasionally, just that they don't like to do that all the damn time.
On the other hand, maybe he sees you as a good friend/thinks you're not interested in the same way/thinks he's not ready for a relationship/something else.
The way to find out, is to talk to him.
posted by HFSH at 3:22 AM on June 19, 2011
Response by poster: I was waiting on him to initiate the dates in the beginning, but then i started asking him to hang out the past few times.
posted by ohtimorousme at 6:09 AM on June 19, 2011
posted by ohtimorousme at 6:09 AM on June 19, 2011
I'd say, have the conversation, but in as light a way as possible, maybe after doing something really fun that isn't necessarily rolling around fun. And be prepared to be disappointed, but don't assume that's what's going to happen.
posted by angrycat at 10:08 AM on June 19, 2011
posted by angrycat at 10:08 AM on June 19, 2011
I think maybe you two have different definitions of "really obvious," especially if you've been friends for a long time. Just try ramping it up a bit and see what happens.
THIS.
Most guys have a very hard time figuring out female interest. Even, in these casual days, with things like makeouts. Which do not entail dating interest. (Hell, I've been on the receiving end of flirtatious behavior, even the occasional makeout, from LESBIANS, and the only way I know they're not interested is I know they don't like the body parts I have.) If he, like many nerdy guys, is not confident about his ability to attract women then believe it or not he may be unsure of your actual interest.
posted by paultopia at 10:20 AM on June 19, 2011
THIS.
Most guys have a very hard time figuring out female interest. Even, in these casual days, with things like makeouts. Which do not entail dating interest. (Hell, I've been on the receiving end of flirtatious behavior, even the occasional makeout, from LESBIANS, and the only way I know they're not interested is I know they don't like the body parts I have.) If he, like many nerdy guys, is not confident about his ability to attract women then believe it or not he may be unsure of your actual interest.
posted by paultopia at 10:20 AM on June 19, 2011
Response by poster: Most guys have a very hard time figuring out female interest. Even, in these casual days, with things like makeouts. Which do not entail dating interest Really? I always just assumed that suggested i was interested since i don't make out with just anyone. Nor would i do any of the other stuff i've been doing unless i really liked a guy. I've been told i'm really hard to read though, but that's coming from someone that hasn't known me all that long.
I'll see about showing my interest more though. I already asked him to hang out Wednesday, and he told me to call him Tuesday so we'll see.
posted by ohtimorousme at 11:49 AM on June 19, 2011
I'll see about showing my interest more though. I already asked him to hang out Wednesday, and he told me to call him Tuesday so we'll see.
posted by ohtimorousme at 11:49 AM on June 19, 2011
I know that I tend to do this thing where I get worried of overwhelming someone -- friends or romantic interests -- so I'll be very proactive about hanging out and very obviously enthusiastic for a few weeks and then have a crushing crisis of self-esteem where I back off and wait for them to initiate contact. The thing where he wondered why you'd want to hang out with him is what makes me wonder if he's doing the same thing.
You need to ask him to be your boyfriend, if that's what you want. Keep initiating stuff or set up a system where you suggest alternating hang-out plans or say "aww, you should call me for once!" when he suggests you call him, etc.
Depending on how his ex acted, that might have something to do with it. I had a boyfriend who would talk about wedding plans while secretly telling all his friends he was going to dump me, and that really screwed up my sense of how I can trust that someone genuinely likes me and isn't just feeling obligated to be nice to me or some weird shit.
Just be open about how much you like him and have an honest talk about how you would like to have something more with him. Don't try to play it cool based on what you think HE wants because he might already be doing the same and you need to be honest and get answers regardless.
posted by Nattie at 3:42 PM on June 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
You need to ask him to be your boyfriend, if that's what you want. Keep initiating stuff or set up a system where you suggest alternating hang-out plans or say "aww, you should call me for once!" when he suggests you call him, etc.
Depending on how his ex acted, that might have something to do with it. I had a boyfriend who would talk about wedding plans while secretly telling all his friends he was going to dump me, and that really screwed up my sense of how I can trust that someone genuinely likes me and isn't just feeling obligated to be nice to me or some weird shit.
Just be open about how much you like him and have an honest talk about how you would like to have something more with him. Don't try to play it cool based on what you think HE wants because he might already be doing the same and you need to be honest and get answers regardless.
posted by Nattie at 3:42 PM on June 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by brainmouse at 3:43 PM on June 18, 2011 [4 favorites]