I blew it with an awesome guy—how not to do this again?
June 15, 2011 10:17 AM Subscribe
I think I may have just blown the opportunity to build a relationship with someone really awesome. Help me to not repeat this in the future.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (54 answers total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
I am a 25-year-old female. I have been single for a year and a half, after getting out of a three-year relationship. I recently met someone who I found to be incredibly awesome, and it seemed as if we were headed in the relationship direction. Cut to a few weeks later, I am fairly certain I have unintentionally scared him away.
As per the friends I've talked to, the "scaring away" has happened due to me wanting to communicate more than is typical for the beginning of a relationship. Things that I don't feel to be excessive apparently are. For instance, I get annoyed when I don't get responses to texts—I don't care if it happens immediately, but when I haven't heard anything for two full days, I get frustrated. Furthermore, I have wanted to spend more time with him than is "appropriate" for the start of a new relationship. My excitement over having found someone that I've clicked with seems to have come off as me being clingy and smothering. Which, of course, was absolutely not my goal. I have also not exhibited that I have my own life particularly well, it seems (though I do, I swear!) and he has exhibited that he has his own life very, very well—he is almost always busy doing things with people if he's not at work.
I am working on accepting that things with this guy probably aren't going to happen. "Fixing" this situation isn't my question.
So, MeFi: How do I not repeat this pattern the next time I meet someone I really like? My past LTRs have begun incredibly naturally—I meet someone, a week later we end up kissing, a week after that we're hanging out almost every day, and a few weeks after that we've decided we're actually dating. Clearly this is not the way things work in "the real world." I'm not really sure what's normal.
Anon because I'm a little ashamed to be this inept when it comes to dating, and IRL people know my MeFi screen name.