How does one push away from parental control while still maintaining a close emotional relationship?
April 26, 2011 11:26 PM Subscribe
How do i preserve my relationship with my mother while still making decisions she doesn't approve of?
posted by becomingly to Human Relations (33 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Longish explanation, but more information might be helpful, and I trust all of you to give me good advice
I'm 19. I'm dependent on my mother's side of the family for college money though a quasi-legal trust fund set up by my great grandfather. I do have a job of my own however, which gets me enough money to where I never have to ask my mother for any money. It's also enough to where i can afford to travel.
My mother likes to not only know many things about my life, but also to dictate it's direction. She prevented my sister from perusing her chosen major. We need to pass all of the classes we sign up for past her. She requires that we spend set amounts of time with her etc. For the most part I don't mind this, but naturally, sometimes, our wills conflict to the point of where it's serious.
I know that mom doesn't need to sign anything for me to have the money to be able to go to college, but if mom decided to "cut me off" I wouldn't ask for anything from our side of the family. Mom has always told me that we (my sister and I) wouldn't be eligible for finical aid or scholarships because we would have to include our expected contribution from the trust fund. Furthermore, she says it's unethical to ask for aid from other places because we are taking it away from more needy people.
Also, i should clarify that i adore my mother, and i really want to have a good relationship with her. My father is deceased and my mother and I are very close when I don't have a back bone
I really want to switch schools, but it's further away geographically then my mother would approve of.
So my questions:
1) Should I switch schools and not take family money
2) Is it more important to get a good college experience, or a debt free one?
3) Is there any way of doing this that will not ruin my mother's and I's relationship entirely
4) Would refusing to take family money make for a better relationship? (she has no means to control me, so I have no reason not to be entirely honest with her anymore)
5) Am i being unreasonable in wanting control over my life while still being dependent?
Thank you for your time and answers