I have a friend who has a boyfriend who despises me. What should I do?
March 7, 2011 6:36 AM Subscribe
I have an online friend who has a boyfriend who despises me. What should I do?
posted by anonymous to Society & Culture (33 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I met a lovely girl online last year who I've become great friends with. This isn't a typical online friendship. We're close enough that we'd enjoy meeting in person in the near future. I realize that online friendships usually don't go very far, but I'm quite confident that we like each other enough to meet as we certain relate to each other very well and have stimulating (and sometimes totally nonsensical and trivial but fun) conversations.
Everything was fine between us until she met a guy online who she fell in love with. They just met each other in person. This guy happens to despise me and for no good reason. He dislikes me solely because he doesn't like the fact that she's fond of me and seems to be jealous thinking that I'll "steal" her from him when I certainly wouldn't do such a thing. I've never done any harm towards this guy and have clearly stated that I'm simply friends with her, but he never stops making very harsh threats towards me (I won't go into details here on MetaFilter . . . let's just say that they're undeserved). He also never stops saying spiteful things to her about me on a daily basis which bothers her, but she always forgives him.
What never ceases to piss me off about this whole situation is the fact that I'm the reason why they speak to each other. I've known this guy for much longer (though I haven't talked to him much) than I've known her and invited him to a site that she's a member of. If I never would have invited him to this site, he would have never met her. I keep telling myself "If only I would have never invited him to that site . . ." only to quickly remind myself that I can't predict possible future outcomes.
Both her and I are upset with the way he's acting, but she continues to love him and always excuses his irrational behavior telling me that his threats aren't serious and tries to convince me that he's a great person. I don't doubt that he's nice to her, but she definitely shouldn't excuse the way he's treating me and I definitely don't buy how she says that he "isn't being serious". She sometimes tells me that she's very disappointed with him over his threats, only to excuse his behavior the next day. I constantly tell her that the way he's acting is wrong and that I don't deserve to receive these threats from him.
So I've had enough of the stress this has been causing me and have been contemplating cutting off contact with her. I used to tell myself that I shouldn't let him spoil our friendship, but I don't know how to avoid this BS. Perhaps I should avoid contacting her until until she splits (if she splits) with this guy? I dunno . . . I'm starting to feel like I should just move on with my life and try to forget about her, but I'd hate to lose contact with her. I still think she's a great person, but I feel like I can no longer deal with this harassment from her boyfriend and her constantly trying to ensure me that he's "great" despite acting highly irrational towards me and backing him up when he means ill towards me.
Anyway, I hope to get responses soon. Thanks for taking the time to read this.