Need non-therapy therapies.
November 30, 2012 1:25 PM Subscribe
I need therapy for really bad and unwarranted relationship jealousy and insecurity but I wouldn't be able to get started until sometime late January. What would be some alternatives I could pursue in the meantime?
posted by TheManChild2000 to human relations (13 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I have a great gf that I should have no issues with, but yet my head causes me all kinds of crazy issues anyway and I am suffering quite a bit. Talking to her, journaling, and exercise isn't enough. Need other ideas until I can get into therapy.
Sorry This Got Long version:
I'm out of a marriage that featured significant neglect: a decade of celibacy, zero intimacy of any sort, and awful loneliness and isolation. I'm a 41yo male if it matters. I have a great gf now but I'm all nutty and I kinda feel like it's my first relationship ever; I've completely lost any sort of instinctive comfort level for how things work normally and so anything less than us lying alone and wrapped around each other in bed with her whispering her love to me seems to just pump me full of neediness and insecurities. I've got jealousy issues too. It's so bad that I have crazy physical symptoms; my head tingles, my chest hurts, sometimes I stay awake all night, weight loss, etc. Of course I can't keep my head straight during these bad times either.
Some of things that add to the difficulty I'm having:
* Our lives are very busy, and so often we can't get quality alone time for weeks at a time.
* She's recently divorced too and so we're hiding our relationship for a while.
* Originally needy and insecure with me too, she's become secure enough that I now take up a healthy place in her life, meaning the crazy intense attention she paid me at the beginning has tapered off.
* She's ultra-social and also generally prefers being friends with men. So she goes out a fair bit, talks to everyone, texts her guy friends all day, parties with them, will let them crash with her if they're too drunk, etc.
* She's unusually attractive and has a wild, open, and magnetic personality, so she is hit on constantly.
* I have crushing self confidence and self loathing problems. Oh, and sporadic ED to boot.
On an intellectual level I truly trust her, have no problem with all of the above (although I recognize that they're challenges for someone in my state), feel she loves me and likes me, feel secure that she wants our relationship to continue and grow, recognize that she makes considerable effort to find ways for us to be in contact or together, appreciate that she is okay with me and my problems, and believe I'm the only one she wants to be with. I really have it so damn good. Intellectually I accept that I'm the best bf I can be, work hard to get better, give her the benefit of the doubt always, and accept that if shit goes south then it was always going to happen no matter what I did.
But I can't seem to get my emotional understanding to conform to the same things, and can't control the amplitude. I get wigged out often, in awful mentally and physically uncomfortable ways, and I really need to get control of it. I'm doing a pretty good job not inflicting this stuff on my gf, that's not the problem, it's just the getting control of myself that's my problem.
She understands and listens, but I can't dump everything on her always everytime. I journal. I repeat the serenity prayer as a mantra. I exercise. I get down the road. I take things day by day.
This stuff all helps in tiny ways, and I'm getting better, but I need to step it up because I am suffering quite a bit and for really no good reason and would like to be healthier sooner rather than later. What other things could I try?